I was jaded at the start...primarily by my exposure to organized religion...Christianity specifically. I had intellectually debated the topic somewhat at that point, but was really only doing so to provide the appearance, to myself even, that I really wanted to know the truth about God's existence. I mean, I figured that it had to be the question most worth answering in one's lifetime...the most meaningful...the most consequential. Which is why...deep down inside....I really didn't want to know.
But during my mental masturbation over it, I got an overview of the world's major religions, and concluded that the behaviors that manifest in people, as a result of their religious beliefs, are generally very much the same. I mean, you know...love is good....hate is bad...be generous....don't steal....whatever. But that Christianity was exclusive, in that it wasn't supposed to have to do with those behaviors necessarily, or works, but everything to do with Jesus being God in the flesh and what that means for us.
I had concluded at that point that there probably was a God...if I had to take a guess. But that it wasn't about guessing. It wasn't about intellectual debate. It wasn't a game. I knew that if I ever really did get that answer, that it would change everything for me forever. And as I said, it was as if I was almost forced into having to know the truth...because of things I had experienced...things I had done....feelings that didn't make sense. There came a point at which I really wasn't afraid to know anymore...or I wanted to know regardless of my fear...regardless of what I wanted the answer to be, and what it would mean for the rest of my life.
I wasn't about to take someone's word for it. I had to know for myself. I had to experience something that made it clear to me. I had to know for sure. It's just the way I am. It's too important of a question to let someone else answer for you, or to believe just because it's written down in a book, or because there is an organization of people who support it. I could never do that. It doesn't make sense to do that.
But during my mental masturbation over it, I got an overview of the world's major religions, and concluded that the behaviors that manifest in people, as a result of their religious beliefs, are generally very much the same. I mean, you know...love is good....hate is bad...be generous....don't steal....whatever. But that Christianity was exclusive, in that it wasn't supposed to have to do with those behaviors necessarily, or works, but everything to do with Jesus being God in the flesh and what that means for us.
I had concluded at that point that there probably was a God...if I had to take a guess. But that it wasn't about guessing. It wasn't about intellectual debate. It wasn't a game. I knew that if I ever really did get that answer, that it would change everything for me forever. And as I said, it was as if I was almost forced into having to know the truth...because of things I had experienced...things I had done....feelings that didn't make sense. There came a point at which I really wasn't afraid to know anymore...or I wanted to know regardless of my fear...regardless of what I wanted the answer to be, and what it would mean for the rest of my life.
I wasn't about to take someone's word for it. I had to know for myself. I had to experience something that made it clear to me. I had to know for sure. It's just the way I am. It's too important of a question to let someone else answer for you, or to believe just because it's written down in a book, or because there is an organization of people who support it. I could never do that. It doesn't make sense to do that.