To me birth control kind of defeats the purpose of having sex. Its a barrier, and not just a phyisical one. I want complete and unbridled intimacy and trust, and I want the willingness to have a child with that person to be a part of that. I especially hate condoms, and if I can't have things my way I'd rather just not have it. Maybe in a different time, but now I feel like I have better things to do. I wanted to mention to that I in no way expect others to share my ideals, or even if they did, to live as idealisticallt as I do. For me, it just works, but I don't expect that it would for many. Which is I think the topic of this thread. You have to be responsible for yourself and your own behaviour and choices, and the results thereof. It is mt advice not to let a religion dictate your life, nor to let society dictate your life. Life is precious, and there's only one you, so make it your own.
Wicked thoughts
- Thread starter jpappl
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To me birth control kind of defeats the purpose of having sex. Its a barrier, and not just a phyisical one. I want complete and unbridled intimacy and trust, and I want the willingness to have a child with that person to be a part of that. I especially hate condoms, and if I can't have things my way I'd rather just not have it. Maybe in a different time, but now I feel like I have better things to do. I wanted to mention to that I in no way expect others to share my ideals, or even if they did, to live as idealisticallt as I do. For me, it just works, but I don't expect that it would for many. Which is I think the topic of this thread. You have to be responsible for yourself and your own behaviour and choices, and the results thereof. It is mt advice not to let a religion dictate your life, nor to let society dictate your life. Life is precious, and there's only one you, so make it your own.
I disagree. I prefer that pedophiles and serial killers, among others, obey social laws. I prefer living in a law abiding society rather than an anarchic one.
Well I figured that it was well understood no criminal activity is part of living your life to the fullest and not let anything or anybody dictate your life.
As long as your not hurting anyone then I agree with it.
I'd perfer serial killers and pedophiles stay in jail or worse.
Both, the society has laid the boundaries and makes adjustments as needed.
The individual, within those boundaries decides how they want to live their life.
Ok let me try and explain it using an example.
Jesus said that even if we look at a woman with lustful thoughts then we have sinned even when we have not turned those thoughts into actions:
Matthew 5
27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Now lets set a senario:
Two men Bob and Dave Both claim to be Christians and both live in the same neighbourhood, their houses are in the same street and there is only one house between them. Living in this house is a good looking woman. One hot and sunny day the woman decides to take a swim in their pool in the back yard of her house. During that time both Bob and Dave see her and both imagine having sex with her.
Later that day Bob remembers the scripture above and acknowledges in his mind with regret that he has sinned.
Later that day Dave remembers that scripture also, but shrugs it off with a "how unrealistic" and then seeks to remember again the body of the woman and again commits adultery with her in his mind.
Bob accepted and believed the teaching of Jesus, therefore He is a Christian.
Dave resisted and dismissed the teaching of Jesus, therefore He is not a Christian.
Understand?
All Praise The Ancient Of Days
Yes, but it's not always the right time to have a child. Doesn't mean there's a lack of trust or intimacy. Not wanting a baby differs from wanting to be close to my beloved.
I appreciate your POV, Lori, and I realize you're saying thy work for you, not everyone, but I'm just raising a point.
P.S. Although we have very different mindsets on things, I always enjoy your posts.
well thanks! i enjoy yours as well. i wanted to point out again, that idealism is what's driving my decision making here. in my perfect world (i described in an earlier post), anytime would be the right time to have a baby. because of greed and lust and a host of other societal ailments, nowadays if you're not a college graduate, at least in your early thirties, with a job, a house, a car, of course a daycare center lined up, and maybe or maybe not married (it seems to have lost it's importance in relation to money), having a baby is a tragedy.
i'm not saying that i think what i'm doing is, how do you say, "natural". i just think that given some special circumstances in my case, it seems right to me.
maybe i'm protesting, i don't know. i just find it terribly difficult to compromise my ideals regarding this particular thing. a lot of times i almost have to compromise to survive but not when it comes to sex. nobody can tell me what to do there and i suppose i like that.
It's not.
I think for most people, that's true. My own priorities and reasons are a little different right now for not wanting a baby. The most important thing is that you're doing what's right for you.
i question myself a lot. wondering if i'm just being ridiculous with my ideals. punishing or denying myself unnecessarily. maybe i've got the whole thing wrong. i don't know. but i just take it one day at a time. a lot of it with me is trying to be fair to whoever i might be intimate with. i'm a strange bird. some things that i've been through and i'll never be the same because of, can be impossible to understand and maybe to deal with. then i'm wondering if i can really have the intimacy i want with someone who doesn't understand.
shit, i don't even know if i understand what i've been through. shit! i can't plague some poor guy with that, and i can't keep it under wraps with someone i'm wanting to be that close too either. it's just too much for someone to have to deal with i think. it's fucked up.
I think it's more of a punishment to get an incompetent man in that department.
"Better wanting something you don't have than having something you don't want."I think we have to remember no one understands us completely; we're separated by individuals bodies governed by the limited scope of experience. There are plenty of people who would try to understand their partner, and failing that, accept them. I don't expect anyone I date to understand me, but I expect the same acceptance I bring to the table.
There's no rule that we have to solve the sum of our lives, although having mental good health is an important thing to have before getting in a relationship. There's no rush in figuring out what's right for you. It's not like if you're celibate so long they take your name off the Sex List.
We decided on three and timed them threeish years apart and that is how it worked out. My sister didn't plan a thing and had two threeish years apart.
Wanting, trust and intimacy are great but remember they are not necessary and your instincts don't really care about any of that.
Having been through a bunch of various BC I would say the modern IUDs are the best of the litter if you aren't planning on having a baby soon and want that to actually be the case with no oops. They don't mess with your hormones so you get that once a month super sexy for you both to enjoy that is absent with hormone oriented things, there is nothing to remember, its always on and its easily reversible.
Depending on what you pay for bc - the pay back is not that long even though the upfront is more and some insurance cos will pay for it (pregnancies are expensive).
And I must say I can really tell when its ovulation time around here.
As for making babies, there is nothing hotter than purposefully making a baby.
because "It is an impossible position to maintain. Fighting natures strongest impulse" and guilt pays big.