My Daughter's FaceBook Account

[Asguard]

So you're telling me that I should drop the hammer? I could do that because I'm the parent. I don't want to, preferring a mutual understanding, but I can. I've been pretty reasonable thus far. I've allowed them to retreat into her bedroom without much supervision. I've let them go to movies. I've let her go to his house. All I require is the assurance that they behave themselves. :shrug:

I will make a bet with you (or a few)

If you do this:
1) She wont be a virgin by the end of the week
2) that will be the end of any relationship you have with her, she MIGHT still have one with her mum but i wouldnt count on it
3) You will have ruined her first experiance with sex because insted of it being about her loving or lusting after someone so much she wants to do it, you have made it a way to get back at you for being an Arse
4) by the end of the year she will PROBABLY be pregant (acording to the statistics of harm minimisation vs abstance sex ed
5) by 15 when nither you, the cops or the courts can do a thing to stop her she will leave home which probably means she will be living on the streets and taking drugs and prostituting herself. This is EXACTLY what happened to my best friend.

You seem incapible of actually reading my post or those of 90% of the people here who are advocating the same system health care, goverment and sexual education advocates, ie STAY THE FUCK OUT OF HER SEX LIFE. Educate her, enable her to make the best decision SHE can make but the decision right or wrong isnt yours its HERS.

You think you can stop her? MAYBE you can stop her till she turns 15 and at that point locking her up becomes a fellony, false inprisionment.

You dont think I know what im talking about? I do, my partner and I had to look after my sister in law since she was 13 because both her parents worked jobs which meant the were away for extended periods of time, once she turned 15 they moved overseas for there job and we were the ones officially looking after her in OUR house.

When she is ready has nothing to do with you, its a decision SHE will make with her boyfriend, the ONLY thing you can do is either be surportive of HER decision or be a giant douche and drive her to act to spite you and wreck your relationship AND her first experiance

The path you SHOULD follow is a) sit down with her and HUMBLY apologise for violating her privacy b) have the sex talk with her as much as SHE wants c) tell her you trust HER to make the right decison for HER as to when she is ready whether you disagree or NOT d) make sure you are there for her if something goes wrong NON JUDGMENTALLY

I was my partners first and something DID go wrong, the condom broke on us but we were well educated enough to know what to do about it. My sister in law got pregant but she knew we were there for her to deal with it and so insted of having to deal with her giving birth my partner helped her arange the abortion SHE wanted and cope with it. That was hard enough but if she had no one who would support her? More than likly she would be a street kid with a kid living in poverty. Nothing is fool proof and sometimes the best laid plans fail but if you support HER in a non jugmental way accepting HER autonomy then if she needs you she knows she can come to you and if she doesnt you still have a relationship with your daughter

 

[Bowser]

I am a few months from 18 and so I know how she thinks.

She's still a child. There's no way to circumvent that truth. I remember the trouble I managed to find at her age. Let's be honest, maturity in kids that age is a challenge, and the best choice possible is abstinence until reaching maturity.

 

[Tiassa]

A living punch line?

On that note, my friends and I enjoyed this video. Now, I'm not nearly this extreme, though my gun toting friend said he'd have no problem going to this extreme to teach some respect. And that is really what is lacking in this generation of kids, RESPECT.
Father teaches Daughter a Lesson about Facebook

Wow. That guy is a reminder that not everyone should be a parent. (And also that not everyone should own a gun.) To the other, I'm inclined to wonder if that's actually a fake because, frankly, if I sketched you a crass parody of a backwater asshole, I don't think I could possibly have done that well.

Of course, I'm a left-coast elitist liberal snob who believes that, while the child in question might well be a brat, one need not look farther than the parents to understand why. If that guy is real, he clearly has no clue what he's doing.

Was it Poundstone or Rudner who pointed out that you need a license to have a dog, but anyone can have kids?

 

[aaqucnaona]

She's still a child. There's no way to circumvent that truth. I remember the trouble I managed to find at her age. Let's be honest, maturity in kids that age is a challenge, and the best choice possible is abstinence until reaching maturity.

Agreed. But you must not treat her as if she is not even a person. She is fairly reasonable smart and intelligence and mature - she is 14, not 8.

 

[aaqucnaona]

It's working out quite well. She is being honest and we have reestablished that some activities are not proper.

I know I am pushing philosophy into practical matters here, but nothing is inherently good or bad. The activities are not proper only in a certain context - age, maturity, understanding, commitment, etc. It is important that she understands this.

In her words, "I'm not a slut."

She said that in here defense - she was feeling antagonistic to you. That should not have been the case. A reaction like that suggests that she thinks that you dont respect her thoughts and maturity.

When you're a parent and are responsible for another person's welfare, then you can preach.

I was not preaching. I was giving my opinion, and she seems to share it.

Yet we have an understanding and she has reiterated that she and her boyfriend are committed to waiting--more power to them. And to my benefit, I gained an insight into her personal life with her boyfriend and with her friends. If she had a diary, I would read that too.

Agreed. And good for you that guys too, that something good has indeed come of this.

You should be happy because she has chosen to stay virgin.

I am. And so have I.

And yes, I'm encouraging that decision. I explained to her that sex is not all it's cracked up to be, and quite often, the first time can be very disappointing.

If there isn't enough commitment or emotion in the relationship, then yes., totally agreed.

 

[Bowser]

I will make a bet with you (or a few)

I do have a relationship with my daughter--I'm her father. I've talked with her about sex and have been very honest about it. I've also told her that there's no rush to jump into bed with another, because there really isn't a need. I've also given her my personal experience from my first time as a fifteen-year-old, explaining that it was very meaningless and very empty. Now, if I wanted to control the situation with my authority, I could do that, but I want her to make the right decision and choose the proper course of action on her own, because I really can't watch over her all the time. She knows about condoms and the risks of unprotected sex--the kid isn't a fool.

 

[aaqucnaona]

So far I have remained non-partisan. Just so you know -
http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=111690
The discussions on that thread are also quite relevant to your current issue.

And I know you are busy/worked up right now, but when you get the time, do follow up on the links I posted here -
http://www.sciforums.com/showpost.php?p=2902350&postcount=80

 

[Bowser]

I know I am pushing philosophy into practical matters here, but nothing is inherently good or bad. The activities are not proper only in a certain context - age, maturity, understanding, commitment, etc. It is important that she understands this.

Just keep in mind that we are talking about a girl who is 14 and a boy who is 15.

She said that in here defense - she was feeling antagonistic to you. That should not have been the case. A reaction like that suggests that she thinks that you dont respect her thoughts and maturity.

Nonetheless, it was good to hear her say it, more so after reading that stuff on FaceBook.

I was not preaching. I was giving my opinion, and she seems to share it.

Well, she's 14 going on 30. Like most teenagers, she sometimes thinks she knows everything.

Agreed. And good for you that guys too, that something good has indeed come of this.

They are still flirting with sexual experimentation and should be watched. I'm thinking I should have a conversation with the boy's parents. I understand that his parents keep a close on those two when they're at his house, but it might still be a good idea to give them notice.

I am. And so have I.

Good for you. I dabbled considerably when I was a younger man, but it never meant much until I met my wife. There's wisdom in waiting for the right person.

If there isn't enough commitment or emotion in the relationship, then yes., totally agreed.

Again, we are talking about a 14-year-old and a 15-year-old.

 

[Bowser]

Agreed. But you must not treat her as if she is not even a person. She is fairly reasonable smart and intelligence and mature - she is 14, not 8.

I've never spanked the kid. She still has a lock on her door. She's probably skyping with her boyfriend as we speak. We've talked about the issue. It has been resolved for the larger part. The only question is, how much more action should I take?

 

[The Esotericist]

I've never spanked the kid. She still has a lock on her door. She's probably skyping with her boyfriend as we speak. We've talked about the issue. It has been resolved for the larger part. The only question is, how much more action should I take?

You'd be amazed at how quickly taking away that phone or a cold shower will reassert your authority.

But yeah, I know. . . . "There's nothing you can do. "

Hope you enjoy your grand babies.

 

[Bowser]

You'd be amazed at how quickly taking away that phone or a cold shower will reassert your authority.

But yeah, I know. . . . "There's nothing you can do. "

Hope you enjoy your grand babies.

Whatever man. I don't use physical abuse on my kids. I tell them where I stand and give them a reason. My son wasn't very receptive, but my daughter does listen. We do our best and give them what we have to offer.

 

[The Esotericist]

Wow. That guy is a reminder that not everyone should be a parent. (And also that not everyone should own a gun.) To the other, I'm inclined to wonder if that's actually a fake because, frankly, if I sketched you a crass parody of a backwater asshole, I don't think I could possibly have done that well.

Of course, I'm a left-coast elitist liberal snob who believes that, while the child in question might well be a brat, one need not look farther than the parents to understand why. If that guy is real, he clearly has no clue what he's doing.

Was it Poundstone or Rudner who pointed out that you need a license to have a dog, but anyone can have kids?

Yes yes, we know Tiassa. He is an affront to the collective, how dare he. He and his kind should be quickly be put on some "soma" shouldn't he?

"We can make a new one with the greatest ease-as many as we like. Unorthodoxy threatens more than the life of a mere individual; it strikes at Society itself."
- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World, Ch. 10

You know, most of us found that novel to be a warning for the up and coming times of tyranny, not a plan for State ushered Utopia. You weren't meant to take it so literally.

 

[The Esotericist]

Whatever man. I don't use physical abuse on my kids. I tell them where I stand and give them a reason. My son wasn't very receptive, but my daughter does listen. We do our best and give them what we have to offer.

Taking away a cell phone is physical abuse huh?

 

[Bowser]

So far I have remained non-partisan. Just so you know -
http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=111690
The discussions on that thread are also quite relevant to your current issue.

And I know you are busy/worked up right now, but when you get the time, do follow up on the links I posted here -
http://www.sciforums.com/showpost.php?p=2902350&postcount=80

Sheesh! the thread you offered has 13+ pages. It's kind of a late, but I can appreciate your initial post on that thread.

As for my view on the benefits of faith, I think those people have an advantage in that, in their minds, they are going to a far better place when they die; whereas, I have only absolute oblivion staring back at me when I'm on my death bed. Again, it is late so I didn't watch your videos. I just heard the newspaper hit the front of my house, so I know it's getting time for bed.

 

[Bowser]

Taking away a cell phone is physical abuse huh?

Throwing someone in a cold shower might be.

 

[The Esotericist]

Throwing someone in a cold shower might be.

Well. . . I guess that really depends on the temperature. If it's just tepid, maybe not. :shrug: Just kidding. Sometimes a mouthy kid might need to cool it if you cut off all their privileges. But then, some kids are very respectful of their parents and this would never be necessary, right? I can't for the life of me imagine why my kid would be up talking to their friends on a phone past midnight. . . 1 am . . . 2 am . . . unless they were, ummmm. . . . what do the teens call it these days?

(An "army" temperature shower will re-establish authority and silence a quarrel nonviolently quicker than anything I know, and I think it is less abusive than blow out argument. )

 

[The Esotericist]

. . . or you could shave their head? lol

 

[Bowser]

Well. . . I guess that really depends on the temperature. If it's just tepid, maybe not. :shrug: Just kidding. Sometimes a mouthy kid might need to cool it if you cut off all their privileges. But then, some kids are very respectful of their parents and this would never be necessary, right? I can't for the life of me imagine why my kid would be up talking to their friends on a phone past midnight. . . 1 am . . . 2 am . . . unless they were, ummmm. . . . what do the teens call it these days?

(An "army" temperature shower will re-establish authority and silence a quarrel nonviolently quicker than anything I know, and I think it is less abusive than blow out argument. )

My daughter doesn't really argue. She gets mad and becomes silent. My son was another story. We took away his stuff and left him in his room, but he still stayed stubborn.

Anyway, I need some alone-time with my little girl. We need to give this more air.

 

[The Esotericist]

My daughter doesn't really argue. She gets mad and becomes silent. My son was another story. We took away his stuff and left him in his room, but he still stayed stubborn.

Anyway, I need some alone-time with my little girl. We need to give this more air.

Maybe your son is the key here. You need to introduce your son to the BF. I don't know if you have time to introduce him into the equation, but older brothers can be, from what I have heard, quite influential in these equations. If he can "put the fear of god" into the BF, perhaps he will take very seriously the implications of taking the relationship to the next level. If your son can impress upon the BF how important your daughters feelings are to him??? lol

Most men, if they do get the meaning of the older brother, know that they are then "stuck" in that relationship, forever, at least until the girl lets them go, for fear of the wraith of the older brother lest they break the heart of their younger sibling. (Of course, these are more civilized times, and your son might just not be that type of guy. . . but he could try to play it off depending on the age difference. . ) There might not be much you can do, but there might be some pressure your son could exert to make your daughter's BF think twice about how serious this relationship is to him and if he is willing to go the distance for it.

 

[Asguard]

you people are seriously NUTS, she is less that a year away from legally being able to walk away from you and there isnt a THING you can do about it. At 15 its game over, thats the point where THEY chose where they live, not you. Seriously you need to start interacting on an adult level and you are still acting like 5 year olds YOURSELVES. As for physical violence works right up to the point they punch you back (or her BF does and i wouldnt blame him IN THE LEAST). Oh well, paybacks a bitch, when you want to see your grand children, when you want a good nursing home, hell when you want help with the chirstmas lights and they walk away remember that YOU, THE ADULT started this.