Jokes and Funny Stories II

Jesus and Moses on the golf course. They come to a water hazard and Jesus takes out a nine iron. Moses reminds Jesus that he could never make that shot with a nine iron; "only Arnold Palmer could make a shot like that".

Jesus smiles and swings. The ball promptly drops into the water. Jesus frowns and asks Moses to retrieve his ball.
Moses parts the water and retrieves Jesus' ball.

Jesus tees up and again selects the nine iron. "Jesus" objects Moses, "you cannot make that shot with a nine iron. Only an Arnold Palmer could make a shot like that".
Jesus again ignores Moses' pleading and again swings hard at the ball, which promptly drops in the water.

Jesus pounds the nine iron into the ground and commands Moses to retrieve his ball once again, but Moses is so mad, he retorts; "I'm tired of retrieving your ball, go get it yourself", whereupon Jesus proceeds to walk on the water towards the spot the ball disappeared.

Another foursome approaches and watches the commotion with interest, and one players observes Jesus and remarks to his buddy; "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?

Moses hears him and looking sternly at the player tells him; No that is Jesus, he just thinks he is Arnold Palmer.
 
arfa brane said:
I once had someone tell me I seemed to think I was above it all.

I replied that I was only trying to get to the bottom of why I felt like I was behind the eight-ball, but with clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, I didn't want to start getting ahead of myself given all the difficulty with staying on top of things.
Click to expand...
Could have been a Carlin skit...
 
A man rubs a lamp and a Genie appears to grant him three wishes.

"I want to be rich", wishes the man. The Genie grants it.

"I want lots of cars", wishes the man. The Genie grants it.

"I want my penis to reach the floor", wishes the man. The Genie pulls out a machete and chops off his legs.
 
Did you know that Mozart was a "bust"?
In spite of that handicap experts agree that Mozart had a satisfactory sex life with Mrs. Mozart, but that Mrs. Mozart did not.
She went all the way to the ground.....:rolleyes:
 
If we hit the prognosticated minus 31 degrees we'll have a new record low.
Jeez I love this global warming--------what a ride---???
 
I used to have a friend who was born deaf and with one ear. He used to wear a fake plastic ear instead. We were in a club once and his ear fell off...:D

\/
--
 
Last edited:
LMAO Michael345! He gives new meaning to an earwig.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"
"No thanks, I've got one 'ere."

B-)
 
Last edited:
Michael 345 said:
They took it home

Next day could not find it

It was 'ere today and gone tomorrow

:)
Click to expand...

They found it later in a vegetable patch

Seems it had become broken and long green vegetable had grown around it leaving a part sticking out

It was 'ere today and gone to marrow

:)
 
TheFrogger said:
I used to have a friend who was born deaf and with one ear. He used to wear a fake plastic ear instead. We were in a club once and his ear fell off...:D

\/
--
Click to expand...
Its like the guy who was climbing a wall with a prosthetic leg. The leg falls off the guy doesn't even look and the trainer just tells him to "keep climbing you don't kneed the leg"
 
Doctor I think I am a pair of curtains

Pull yourself together
----------
Doctor I am coming apart

Your a jigsaw puzzle, you are supposed to

:)
 
A man walks into a Doctor's surgery with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
"Can you do something about this, Doctor?", says the man, "It's driving me nuts."
-------------
A Chinese man walks into a Doctor's with a parrot on his shoulder.
"Where did you get that?", asks the Doctor.
"China", replies the parrot, "there's millions of 'em." :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top