Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
This would probably be hilarious if I were a sexist jerk.
A blonde and her husband are trying to spice-up their sex life.
"Would you like to try the wheelbarrow?" Asks the husband.
"As long as we don't go past my parent's house", says the blonde.
"Would you like to try the wheelbarrow?" Asks the husband.
"As long as we don't go past my parent's house", says the blonde.
But of course we are sexist jerks by instinct. We laugh and then we censor ourselves and don't click "Like".This would probably be hilarious if I were a sexist jerk.
Taylor's Wiffed.
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
Well, speak for yourself...
Two Maxwell's demons go into a bar. One says to the other, "Don't go opening your trap about that thing you didn't see today."
Two topological graphs go into a bar. One says, "What's your choice?", the other says"Not sure if I want one thanks, been feeling a bit edgy."
The retelling
Two of the Maxwell's Demons pull up outside the Is-Entropic Bar, on the corner of 4th and Boltzmann.
As they go in, one says to the other, "Better not open your trap about that stuff we didn't see, ok?"
Two of the Maxwell's Demons pull up outside the Is-Entropic Bar, on the corner of 4th and Boltzmann.
As they go in, one says to the other, "Better not open your trap about that stuff we didn't see, ok?"
The Royal family are sat around the dinner-table at Christmas, and they are playing, "Three questions" which is where a member of the family thinks of something, and the other members have three questions to guess what the first member is thinking of.
It is Prince-Phillip's turn, and he is thinking of, "A black-man's c*ck."
Prince-William asks, "is it bigger than a bread-bin?"
"Yep", replies Prince-Phillip.
"Can I put it in my mouth?" Asks Prince-Harry.
"Yep", replies Prince-Phillip.
The Queen asks, "is it a black-man's c*ck?"
It is Prince-Phillip's turn, and he is thinking of, "A black-man's c*ck."
Prince-William asks, "is it bigger than a bread-bin?"
"Yep", replies Prince-Phillip.
"Can I put it in my mouth?" Asks Prince-Harry.
"Yep", replies Prince-Phillip.
The Queen asks, "is it a black-man's c*ck?"
Have you ever seen any naked pictures of your Mother?
Do you want to buy some?
Do you want to buy some?
sculptor
Valued Senior Member
long ago and far away
I heard that as:
Q) Do you have any naked pictures of your wife?
A) What? Hell no, that's disgusting.
Q) Hmm, ok, would you like to buy some anyway?
I was walking past a mental institution the other day and I could hear the residents chanting, "Ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety-nine..."
I looked through a hole in the fence and someone poked me in the eye, and all the residents started chanting, "One-hundred, one-hundred, one-hundred..."
I looked through a hole in the fence and someone poked me in the eye, and all the residents started chanting, "One-hundred, one-hundred, one-hundred..."
Are you sure you were on the outside?
Donald Trump signed a Executive Directive today
Americans are banned from buying shredded cheese
You can buy only cheese in block form
If you want to have shredded cheese you will need to purchase a kitchen utensil
All part of the Make America Grate Again
Americans are banned from buying shredded cheese
You can buy only cheese in block form
If you want to have shredded cheese you will need to purchase a kitchen utensil
All part of the Make America Grate Again
From Kuta Weekly
99K about $10 Australian
Eat and drink 5pm to 9pm
4 small beer would cost about $10 on their own
99K about $10 Australian
Eat and drink 5pm to 9pm
4 small beer would cost about $10 on their own
I heard this on Coronation Street:
A construction worker falls off a scaffold and dies. When he gets to heaven, God says to him, "Congratulations on reaching the age of one hundred."
"What do you mean?" the construction worker asks. "I'm only forty."
"Not according to the time sheets you've been handing in."
A construction worker falls off a scaffold and dies. When he gets to heaven, God says to him, "Congratulations on reaching the age of one hundred."
"What do you mean?" the construction worker asks. "I'm only forty."
"Not according to the time sheets you've been handing in."
A man enters a Butchers.
"Do you have pig's feet?" Asks the man.
"Yes," replies the Butcher.
"Where do you buy your shoes?" Asks the man.
"Do you have pig's feet?" Asks the man.
"Yes," replies the Butcher.
"Where do you buy your shoes?" Asks the man.
I like the version where the lawyer dies ...
but a guess it is far more believable if it's a construction worker headed to heaven, eh?
LFMAO
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overheard at the local grocery:
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
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Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.