Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
Misogynistic, sexist posts like this are unacceptable on sciforums. Please do not post this kind of thing.
How do you know when it is time to do housework?
Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there it is not
QI Series 4 Episode 11 Domesticity
On now 0630 just before breakfast
Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there it is not
QI Series 4 Episode 11 Domesticity
On now 0630 just before breakfast
Friends email
Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.
After a few klms, he asked
me if I wasn't afraid that he
might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two
serial killers being in the same
car was extremely unlikely.
He was very quiet after that
Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.
After a few klms, he asked
me if I wasn't afraid that he
might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two
serial killers being in the same
car was extremely unlikely.
He was very quiet after that
Still posting this shit for free?
Man dies an ends up in heaven
After the normal welcome he is told of a new system designed to access which level of heaven would best suit him
It was a massive technology upgrade on THE BOOK where all your sins had lies had been recorded
Pointing to a ramp StPeter gave the man a supermarket cart full of sticks of chalk
He was to push the cart up the ramp
At each level he would come to a door with a chalkboard
He was to write his name and sin on the board
When he had written out his last sin and lie the chalk would turn into a key and he could open the door
He was also instructed to stay to the left of the ramp
He sets off and follows the instructions and as days pass he feels the cart becoming lighter and guesses he is closer to his door
Sure enough a day later his stick of chalk becomes a key and he opens the door. Stepping inside he looks around the glorious set up
He was about to go further inside and close the door when he hears a strange noises
Turning around he sees Donald Trump sitting in a cart running down the ramp
He just has time to call out to say are you OK and hear back I'm good I'm going back from another cart of chalk
After the normal welcome he is told of a new system designed to access which level of heaven would best suit him
It was a massive technology upgrade on THE BOOK where all your sins had lies had been recorded
Pointing to a ramp StPeter gave the man a supermarket cart full of sticks of chalk
He was to push the cart up the ramp
At each level he would come to a door with a chalkboard
He was to write his name and sin on the board
When he had written out his last sin and lie the chalk would turn into a key and he could open the door
He was also instructed to stay to the left of the ramp
He sets off and follows the instructions and as days pass he feels the cart becoming lighter and guesses he is closer to his door
Sure enough a day later his stick of chalk becomes a key and he opens the door. Stepping inside he looks around the glorious set up
He was about to go further inside and close the door when he hears a strange noises
Turning around he sees Donald Trump sitting in a cart running down the ramp
He just has time to call out to say are you OK and hear back I'm good I'm going back from another cart of chalk
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sentenced to ten-years in jail, each. Before they are imprisoned they are offered an unlimited supply of an item of their choosing. The Englishman chooses an unlimited supply of beer, the Irishman cigarettes, and the Scotsman whisky. After ten-years has passed the guards open the Englishman's cell and all three prisoners tumble out and the Irishman asks, "Have you got a light?"
"Danielle Westbrook has no nose."
"How does she smell?"
"How does she smell?"
Lol Michael345.
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
I don't get it.
How did they all get in the Englishman's cell? Does beer help non-Englishmen to tunnel through walls?
If prisoners can tunnel through walls you'd think they'd escape, but they all joined each other so they could party.
You really are an ignoramus! ☺
You really are an ignoramus! ☺
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
Why are there so many Chinese people in Harrow?
They get off a plane, into a taxi and say, "Harrow!"
They get off a plane, into a taxi and say, "Harrow!"
Why is there no aspirin in the Jungle?
The Parrots eat 'em all.
The Parrots eat 'em all.
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
The paracetamol.