Thanks for this, you make me pause. My wife is getting a woody with talks of the family going back to church. We'll see, but thanks. Perhaps there are other ways to wake him up.
Unfortunately you are in a situation which neither the belief in god or consequences of not believing or pure punishment are going to solve. it's not going to be easy
A true story and an example of the challenge. I am a high level athletic coach for kids age 11-18. I train and work with the many of the most elite athletes in those age groups.
On one team I worked with there was a very talented kid who was his own worst enemy. He was very ODD, his parents did not disipline him effectively when he was younger and it was clear to me that he had no respect for them. At 14 he was unbelievably rude to them right in front of everyone else, he was coddled and rewarded because he was a great athlete.
Then he ran into me. To make a long story short.
I presented two worlds to him.
1) He works hard, becomes part of the team, respects his teammates and myself, follows instruction during practice and games and respects the opponent and the referee etc. With the reward of being part of the team, game time, playing time etc
2) He does not do ALL OF THESE THINGS and he sits on the bench and I trade him next year or sooner, or he can quit anytime he wants.
I made it very clear that I wasn't taking any of his crap, which worked with other coaches because they were too concerned about winning and didn't really care about developing him into a prepared athlete.
I ended up benching him after a flare up, then I benched him some more and I did so until he finally figured out that I am not going to back off.
I also spent the time he was on the bench explaining to him my words.
Which were:
"I care about your long term success and that is why I won't let you continue this behavior. It is negatively effecting you and the team."
"I want you to focus on what you can change and on what we are doing as a team and not worry about the other team, their coach, parents, fans etc, and of course the ref."
"I truly believe in you as a player and have tremendous confidence that you can be a great addition to our squad and that you are a value to us all."
"BUT, the moment your antics affect this team you are benched or gone and IT"S YOUR CHOICE."
Anytime he tried to lay the blame elsewhere I called him on it.
Eventually he learned that he had to conform and he became one of the most valuable players in the leaque and we won state that year.
2 years later he had a new coach that I knew was not much of a discplinarian. I saw him in a game in which he flipped off the ref, then the other teams coach and parents as well. He came to the sideline and saw me and started to cry and walked to his car with his parents. In his eyes I could see that he wanted to play but was essentially being rewarded for the bad behavior. The ref kicked him out not the coach.
He needed boundaries and he needed someone to care enough about him to create those boundaries and stick with them.
You can't give up on him and I feel that trying to scare him with god and hell is giving up. The boundaries are not real and have nothing to do with why he is acting out like he is.
I wish you the best of luck. It's going to take some time and some tough love to get through it but he will come out better for it in the end and he will be thankful later.
"Upper formats play every note ones" 