caning?

My Mom and I use swear words casually during conversation. Swear words aren't a big deal in my home. We don't use them as punctuation, but they're not a mortal sin either.

Even if she laid a hand on you first, Orleander?
 
visceral_instinct said:
My Mom and I use swear words casually during conversation. Swear words aren't a big deal in my home. We don't use them as punctuation, but they're not a mortal sin either.
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Ok so lets say you were upset with her for some reason.
You would have no problem to telling her to Fuck off or whatever?

I have also seen kids pull a tantrum and start hitting or kicking their mom because they don't get their way. So are you saying that because the kid started it, the parents should hit them back?
 
I think I've only heard my Mom say 'shit' when a roast fell out of the freezer and landed on her foot.

My Mom has hit me. I grew up in a strong corporal punishment family. Its why I don't hit. I'm not sinking to that level. It doesn't make me a better person to hit her back. It doesn't set a good example for my children to have hit their grandmother.

I won't do it. She hits me, she hits me. Its my MOM!
 
I would.

If someone hits me, be them my mother, father, my partner or anyone man or woman i would hit them back. No questions asked. If you want to hit me be prepared to take it yourself. No one should have to put up with pysical abuse
 
sounds too much like revenge for me. Its not self defense. I mean, I could take my Mom, but....never never never
 
Asguard said:
I would.

If someone hits me, be them my mother, father, my partner or anyone man or woman i would hit them back. No questions asked.
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I just don't see it that way. I Never even thought of hitting my mom back ever. I was pretty pissed off or upset that she hit me in the first place.
I would go to my room sometimes and think to myself what a crazy nazi (she is german) But I never thought of hitting her back or start calling her names.
Regardless of what she was doing was wrong. I still had it instilled in me that you respect your parents. I don't think I would have been able to get the words Fuck off or anything like that even out of my mouth, not to my parents.
 
respect is earned, not automatically given. I know what its like to be bullied, in primary school i had to walk all the way around the school (insted of just walking straight through and home as we lived 4 doors from the school) and hide in a bush so that this kid who tried to hang me didnt get me. Im not the strongest person around but im dam sure i will NEVER be in that situation again, NEVER!!!
 
Asguard said:
respect is earned, not automatically given. I know what its like to be bullied, in primary school i had to walk all the way around the school (insted of just walking straight through and home as we lived 4 doors from the school) and hide in a bush so that this kid who tried to hang me didnt get me. Im not the strongest person around but im dam sure i will NEVER be in that situation again, NEVER!!!
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Sorry to hear that. I hope that a situation like that never becomes an issue for one of my kids. But I think this is a different situation, than your own parents. I guess I just think differently about the whole thing.... :shrug:

So if you were spanked at lets say 6 or 7 , you would automatically just hit your mom or dad back?
 
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your right it is, they should be the ones you go to for help not the ones who are doing the abusing.

I have a question to ask you, would you accept that behavior from your partner?
If the answer is no then its not something you should be imposing on anyone else
 
Orleander said:
Why would I assault them for being curious?
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I guess those two 12 year olds who just got killed on their schooltrip were curious too, when they tried to climb that rock....

Curiosity also killed the cat.... :)
 
Orleander said:
It doesn't set a good example for my children to have hit their grandmother.

I won't do it. She hits me, she hits me. Its my MOM!
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Honeybun, you are such a beginner. You send the kids out of the room, then floor your mommy. If they ask, she slipped...
 
"So if you were spanked at lets say 6 or 7 , you would automatically just hit your mom or dad back?"

sorry I missed this line

So what your saying is its ok to hit them untill they are big enough to defend themselves then you should stop because they could hurt YOU?

No i didnt defend myself untill i was strong enough to actually do it. I probably tried before then but i doubt it was effective
 
I can see some people who were hit, spanked, or abused doing the same thing once they have children. Maybe they feel like since they got spanked why shouldn't their own children suffer what they had to go through.

Personally I don't want to be the same kind of parent that my mother was. My dad never hit us, he was the level headed one. I don't want the kind of relationship with my kids that I had with my mom. I don't want them to have the same bad feelings toward me that I had. Being a parent is the most challenging job. We try and do the best we can and hope for the best. I can see how some parents might lose their temper with kids who just do not listen, or are trying their patience constantly. But that also makes me wonder about those parents. Some parents let their young ones get away with murder. Then when they notice they are getting totally out of control as they get older, they then try to enforce rules. I think if you don't start when they are super young it is too late to try and do it when they are older. Start from the time they are walking and talking, and be consistant. Make sure they understand that you are the boss and that no 2 or 3 yr old is going to control the household. I don't feel sorry for parents that let there toddler rule the house. You are the adult you make the rules and they have to follow them, not the other way around.
 
Asguard said:
"
So what your saying is its ok to hit them untill they are big enough to defend themselves then you should stop because they could hurt YOU?

No i didnt defend myself untill i was strong enough to actually do it. I probably tried before then but i doubt it was effective
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No I am not saying that at all. Like I said I have spanked my 11 yr probably 2 times in his life. The 6 yr old 1 time. It was a long time ago, i forget the actually age. I didn't spank them because I knew I was bigger than them and could get away with it. I hit them because at that time they deserved it.
One was have a tantrum and just would not listen. I wanted to make sure that he knew that I would not put up with it, and would not tolerate such behaviour. I probably felt worse than he did after I did spank him. I never used to threaten them with spankings either. I think that they just knew that I would not tolerate such behaviour. They know how much they can push it with me. They know by the tone of my voice that I have had it.
Or I will actually say..........Listen I have had just about enough with you 2 and you better cool it. That usually does the trick.
 
visceral_instinct said:
My Mom and I use swear words casually during conversation. Swear words aren't a big deal in my home.
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I can't even imagine that! I can't even swear in front of my dad now.
I actually can't imagine sitting around with my kids casually swearing either :shrug:
 
I agree with you that there are other ways to deal with a situation. Bordom is a great penelty:p Do i sypathise with parents who hit there kids?
NOT one bit

I empathise with there struggle but i dont see any useful purpose in hitting anyone. Its no different from training an animal to be perfectly honest. The ONLY time my dog has been hit was when she bit me because i didnt want her to do that to anyone. By the same token my partner had a dog when she was young. She put her hand near its nose and it atacked her so her parents took it back to the breeder. They found out that the dog had been beaten and when she put her hand near it, the dog thought it was going to get another beating and lashed out.

Now how can we advocat animal training by a reward system yet a system for traing our OWN kids by pysical vilonce?

It just doesnt make sence

So yes i will admit i have hit my mother, like you my father never hit us but our mother did. I dont like being slaped across the face so she found out how bad it feels. Is that wrong? yes, revenge is wrong. Of course a 12, 13 year old doesnt have the same ethical training i have now to seperate self defence from revenge. They also dont have anyway to walk away, they are trapped
 
Asguard said:
So yes i will admit i have hit my mother, like you my father never hit us but our mother did. I dont like being slaped across the face so she found out how bad it feels.
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So what happened after you hit her back? What was her reaction?
Did she stop hitting you after that?
 
actually yes, after 2 incidence i cant think of another time she hit me.

I guess it worked
 
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