We both have boys. I don't want people to view them as such, but we're just not there yet. We still have to use our common sense. We still have to view males as potential rapists.
Do you know what annoys the absolute shit out of me about the whole rape prevention ideology? It's that it treats us as though we are stupid, as though we need to be told this again and again. And the biggest load of crap about it all is that it is designed to make us afraid and not trusting of those around us. It expects us to live in a perpetual state of fear. And then we are abused for being in a state of fear, because of the #whataboutmen brigade. And worse still, it leads to the expectation that if you follow those steps, you won't be raped. Rape prevention ideology fails to address the fact that women are more likely to be raped by men we know.
At the end of the day, you cannot tell women to not be afraid of men, and then demand they prevent their own rapes by living in such a way as to suspect anyone of being a potential rapist. I've been there. And what was I told? 'Well, you are wealthy, why didn't you take better steps for security around your home and get guard dogs and security guards, if you really didn't want to be raped'.. And then the 'why didn't sleep with your phone?'.. I mean honestly, this is what I am told I should have done. Who in the hell does that? Do you have guard dogs roaming your property while you sleep because a male relative might break into your home and rape you? This is the extent the insanity goes to.
Imagine now, a woman who has a boyfriend, going to sleep with her phone on her as a measure of rape prevention and her boyfriend asks her what's the phone for. Does she tell him? 'Well, I could be raped in my bed, so this is my security..'?
Rape prevention feeds rape culture. Why? Because it always places the onus on the woman to not be raped. Sure, there may be platitudes about how it is not her fault. But it says that, and then sets the expectation that she must prevent being raped. That she has to take the precautions. There is no rape prevention aimed at potential rapists. It sets to curb the behaviour of women, but never of men.
Now, imagine what happens when the woman acts and takes all the steps to "prevent" being raped and she is raped. And then she is asked 'what other steps could you have taken to stop it?' .. You have no idea how that destroys you. People cannot have it both ways. If rape prevention is to be pushed on women, then men will be viewed as potential rapists. How can they not if rape prevention is on the table. That is what it is. Common sense would entail trusting women. Rape prevention ideology is not about trusting the woman. It is about pushing the idea that she simply cannot know these things or would not know these things that we refer to as common sense, so she must be told, over and over again. Rape prevention is never about the man not raping. It is always about the victim or the woman not being raped. The difference between the two is vast.
Yes, we both have boys. My eldest is 10 and youngest is 8 years of age. Still babies really. From one of the earliest age, from the moment they could understand in their play, when someone says stop or no, they stop. They don't push. I can only hope that that message from playing as toddlers and children, that understanding of respecting others and their wishes, stays with them. Do I enjoy the thought that as they get older, girls and then women will view them as being potential rapists? Of course not. It galls me and makes me want to scream. My point, as their parent, is to teach them about respecting others and teach them as they get older that women are not objects, that women deserve respect, and that no means no.. As their mother and as a woman, it is my job to teach my sons to not rape. Not because they could be potential rapists. It is because the education about rape has always been centered around the woman to not be raped. It needs to start focusing on everyone to not rape.
Does sexual assault foster a rape prone environment. I don't know. That would be an interesting study. If we want to assume correlations, we might also ask: Does watching television make one more likely to commit a crime. Does playing video games make one more likely to commit a crime. Etc.
Wow..
When someone sexually assaults another, they are treating that person like an object to be taken and used. Does sexual assault foster a rape prone environment? Think about it. Sexual assault is sexual touching without consent. It is viewing the victim as being an object, whose consent matters not. It is using that person for one's personal gratification and their wants and desires, their rights over their own body ceases to matter or exist. When someone grabs another person's backside, their breast, smacks them on the backside in a bar, for example, it is letting that person know that they have more power over their body and they can take as much or as little of it as they want and there's nothing you can do about it and whether you consent or not is beside the point. Do you understand now how it cannot be compared to how watching TV and whether that makes one commit a crime?