I think this has to do with women a lot more than men. I have grown up in a verbally abusive family. If I ever started dating someone like my mother I would dump her in a heartbeat. I think I would only be attracted to someone that is the complete opposite. (I have always be attracted to intelligent women, contrary to popular belief, I must be really screwed up, lol) Then I have always strived to be the complete opposite of my parents, and I believe I was successful at doing this. Then in my past relationships I never fought with the person I was in the relationship with. Then I always tried to work out all our problems and differences so that we could get along with each other better, so that our relationship never turned out like my families. Sometimes I have thought that I could truly be happy with anyone because it wouldn't be as bad as living with my parents despite other things that I didn't like about them so I never displayed being bothered by it. Then of course after being in these happy relationships I would always get dumped for no reason.
Would you say you're a people pleaser by nature, or do you try to make things work at all costs, because you want to live counter to what you grew up with?
I agree about it being more common with women, then men. However. Guys can often look for traits in someone, that mirrors the mothering they missed out on. We are all products of our childhoods, good/bad/indifferent.
I think abusive relationships are the only types of relationships that have been shown to be scientifically successful. It is the only instance or type of situation where they say that women actually stay in relationships.
Um...no. lol The high divorce rate would tell us people are not staying together in abusive relationships. Abuse being defined as being anything physical/emotional/verbal/sexual (cheating) abusive, in the relationship.
Curious, can you define what you mean here by 'scientifically successful?'
There is no other thing or statement that people make that says that if this is true then they stay in relationships. Most people that I know that are in relationships are at least verbally abusive to each other, and then they stay in these relationships for long periods of time. Then someone like me that wasn't this way in my relationships don't tend to stay in them for very long.
Only thing I'll say to that, is that sometimes women interpret men who are 'going with the flow' as...wimpy. Not saying you are this. But, many women like to be with a decisive confident person. You may be those things, but when you try to make things work...and really ...you should be running out of the relatoinship because it sounds like women have treated you poorly...this tells a woman she can walk all over you. That could be why it ended. Not all women will take advantage of a guy just because the situation presents itself. I have been taken advantage of, and it sucks. And I would never treat someone that way. But, many people do walk over people he/she don't respect.
Men and women are complicated, albeit for different reasons.
Yes, they give us little reason to be attracted to them for other reasons. (I know this may be seen as verbal abuse, then again we are not in a relationship and I just don't care anymore)
No, not verbally abusive. Just a bit ...bitter.
And I say that, because we all can get that way in life.
You have unforunately, had some poor experiences in relationships. I know this feeling. But, I don't think all guys are bad. There were just many whom I've selected, that were. It's easy to get pigeon holed into thinking this way though Layman.
The average women is often more attractive than the average man. They do not give us the choice to like them based on their personality so then we have to be attracted to them for other reasons. (the women you get along with will dump you for no reason but the women you fight and bicker with will stay with you for the rest of your life) So then women have been selectively bread to be more attractive on average, and men have been bread to be a-holes. Men are forced to look for things in the opposite sex based on looks, and women are more able to choose what they want in personality the dominant male that could come in more shapes and sizes in a more social society, hence why we don't all look like Greek Gods.
I agree that a strong male doesn't need to be good looking. Or 'strong' in stature.
As I said above. Confidence is a powerful thing that attracts women to men. Many women (I can't speak for all) tend to fall for guys they respect. When a guy doesn't have confidence in himself, a woman can often lose interest. This can be something that shows right away in a guy. Thus, that to me, is part of the chemistry attraction. Biologically speaking, we each have different traits that set us apart from one another...and from a carnal perpsective...that's what draws two people together. That carnal 'something.'
I guess we're all works in progress trying to find our way.
Just be mindful to not allow a few poor experiences with the opposite sex, taint your view of the entire gender. lol