Originally posted by TruthSeeker
I have never been mistreated while abducted, though...
Paging Dr. Fish, Dr. Goofy Fish… Dr. Fish please pick up courtesy phone 2 for urgent call.
[Slight time delay]
GF: This is Dr. Fish.
Operator: Dr. Fish? Please hold I’ll connect you.
[Slight time delay]
Operator: Go ahead Mr. Seeker.
TS: Thank you operator. Fish?
GF: *Groans audibly* Yeah, Nelson.
TS: Fish, it happened again! I was on a camping trip in New Mexico. I had set up my tent and gone to bed and had fallen sound asleep when these bright lights woke me up, except I couldn’t move, it was like I was paralyzed and…
GF: Nelson, how many times must I tell you, it is highly unlikely and you were undoubtedly dreaming.
TS: Fish, I’m telling you, this stuff really happened, the strange pale faced people appeared again only this time it was different, I was…
GF: You know Nelson, you call two, three times a week with this crap, and it’s always something different, like last time when they stuck a minnow up your penis when you were vacationing in the Amazon, I mean really…
TS: Hey, that really happened, I got pictures to prove it!
GF: It just proved that you shouldn’t have whizzed in the river, you numb skull.
TS: I don’t care what the scientists said, that minnow felt incredibly alien.
GF: Yeah? Well it wasn’t, it was terrestrial.
TS: Yeah exactly, extraterrestrial!
GF: No, more like aqua-terrestrial.
TS: Fish, give me a break, this time I have real evidence.
GF: Uh-huh, and what is it this time? Half a tan, like when you were abducted falling asleep at a tanning salon? Or a chip implant like when you got accidentally knocked out and abducted at the Pringles factory?
TS: Come on Fish, you know all those things happened, I can’t understand why you reject all my evidence like that.
GF: Because so far all your evidence has been explained away, they saw you fall into the potato chip storage bin for crying out loud.
TS: Fish, you know those guys work for the government.
GF: Here we go again, the government conspiracy theory.
TS: Fish, you know that shit’s for real.
GF: Nelson, I don’t have time for this.
TS: Okay, okay, hear me out. There is no way you’re going to doubt this evidence.
GF: Okay Nelson, what is it.
[Short silence]
TS: I’m pregnant.
[Long silence]
GF: Come again?
TS: I’m pregnant!
GF: Nelson, you’ve got a doozey this time. How have you come to that conclusion?
TS: When I was abducted last night, they stuck a probe through my belly and injected me with an alien embryo.
GF: Wow Nelson, have you been smoking something?
TS: I’m serious Fish, it really happened and that’s not all…I can feel the baby inside me.
[Long silence]
GF: Uh-huh. Tell me Nelson, you mentioned you were in New Mexico, did you sample any local food?
TS: Why yes, I had a great big bowl of chili and some refried beans, why do you ask?
GF: Sounds like bowel movement to me. Where in New Mexico are you?
TS: The four corners, in the Navajo nation.
GF: I see, and did the locals treat you to anything special?
TS: Well, they invited me to join in a peace pipe ceremony.
GF: I see, and did the peace pipe taste like tobacco?
TS: No, it had a peculiar flavor.
GF: Peyote. Nelson, you were dreaming and if I’m not mistaken you’ll be giving birth some time this morning and I think you’ll find your baby will be far from alien.
TS: Fish, I’m telling you, this shit really happened.
GF: Nelson, I’m hanging up now.
TS: Fish…
GF: Bye Nelson.
TS: Fish, don’t…
[Click]