The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Genius!

What's have Bernard Matthews and Freddie Mercury got in common?

They both got fucked by infected cocks.
 
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he
sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says
"Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great sh@g but you're a real
sport too."


There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other
day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's
room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I
was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found
packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a
willy."


Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between
the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her
thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?" Will sobbed
"My head won't fit between the railings"


A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things:
1- The bartender is a blonde girl.
2- The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"


The Flemster.
 
What's the best thing about owning a round bed?

You can do a lap of honour when you finish.
 
What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?

A park bench can support a family.


What's the difference between a black person and a bag of shit?

The bag.
 
Feels good to be 'home'...

Anyway, a family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."
To which one of the boys replies "I'm suprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
 
Police ask the driver of the Virgin train that crashed what caused the accident.
"Muslims." he replied.
"What," said the copper, "on the track?"
"On the embankment but I still got the cunts."


That 14 stone 8-year old was asked what his favourite musical instrument was at school.
"Dinner bell." he replied.
 
btw:
I'm using a library computer today and, for some reason, it wont let me on the original Jokes... thread. Says there's too much bad language or summit or nuffin.
Fucking Nazis.
 
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This thread seems to have been used by racists as a soapbox.

Thread closed.

*** 'The Return Of The Most Offensive Jokes In The World...ever!' thread opened due to merge with original thread ***
 
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peh

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.

What should you do when your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use lubricant.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.

What's red and sits in a tree?
A sanitary owl.

How do epileptics go on a diet?
Shake in the morning, shake for lunch and a proper meal in the evening.

Police arrested two kids for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.


:mufc:
 
Whats the difference between blacks and tires?

Tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

What do you call a black abortion clinic?

Crime prevention.

Why is there no mexican olympic team?

Because all of them that can run, jump, or swim are already here.
 
As a boy the crocodile was Steve Irwins favourite animal but as he grew older it was the sting-ray that was closests to his heart
 
We here at the Kinsey institute for sex and reproduction, we took liberty in researching why black males have larger ding dongs. We came up with a startling find. Not surprisingly, It has something to due with generations of blacks and asphyxiation by hanging.

There was a thread here on why whites never are allowed to have "white associations". Hmmm...what the hell do white people need to come together for? The food and shelter in the world is depleting? Or the financial credit companies are on strike?

The thinnest books in the world are:
"Mexico for kids"
"Vicente Fox' plan for a greater Mexico"
"The average hispanic and intelligence"
"Why drugs are bad by Jose Ricardo"
 
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"Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train....."

Ahahaha, that could work with a Canadian too. xD

Q: What's pale and round and goes up and down in a baby's crib?
A: A pedophile's ass.

Dead baby jokes are bad, but pedophilia jokes are THE most tasteless. At least I giggle at the former.
 
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