The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Marriage

I havent seen any jokes on marriage just thought i would add some for you.

Marriage One Liners
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Hope they make you smile :)
 
hi there

hi everyone, i heard your jokes and not bad at all.... i'd like to raise the bar a lil bit for mean, disturbing jokes.


Q:What is the oppisite of christopher reeves?
A:Christopher Walken

Q: whats black and blue and hates sex??
A: the lil boy in my closet

Q: differnce between a pizza and jew?
A: pizza's don't scream in the oven

Q: whats the difference between a slave and a tire?
A: tires don't sing when you put chains on them

guy goes down on this chick and comes up with something in his mouth, spits it out and does'nt think much of it. goes back down and gets something else in his mouth and freaks "what..are you sick?" he yells
she replies " no.. but the guy before you was"


Q: what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: nothing...she's been told twice already
 
A little dated, but...

Do you know G. W. Bush's feelings about Roe v. Wade?







He doesn't care how they get out of New Orleans.
 
Ok, I'll have to ask the Lord to forgive me for this one (like Larry the Cable Guy does), so here goes.

Buckwheat and Darla were in English class, and the teacher says to the students "I'll give you a word, you spell it, then use it in a sentence," so she gets to Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, your word is dicate, now can you spell it and use it in a sentence?"

So Buckwheat says "uh huh, d-i-c-t-a-t-e," then the teacher says "very good Buckwheat, now use it in a sentence," so Buckwheat turns to Darla and says, "Darla, how'd my dicate lat night?"
 
Or how about the Frenchman who was down at the beach watching the lifeguard attract all the women, so he saunters over and asks "why are the women so fond of you, what is your secret?"

So the lifeguard says, "it's easy, go down to the store, get a potatoe, stick it in your swimsuit, the chicks will be all over you then."

The Frenchman hurries to get his potatoe, sticks it in his trunks, stands around with nothing happening, so he goes back to the lifeguard and says "I did what you said, but no action."

So the life guard checks him out and then says "no man, put it in front."
 
Or how 'bout the kid who was born just a head, no body.

So his parents are at a cocktail party, and they ask this guy what he does, and the guy says "I'm a research biochemist, we're working on a method to regenerate missing limbs."

Then the dad says "our son is just a head, will you be able to possibly generate a body for him," and the biochemist says "if the formulae work out, we'll be able to generate a whole new body for your son."

So the parents run home to tell Junior the hopeful news, they go in the house, go to the little head's bedroom, turn on the light, walk over and tap him on the head saying "son, son, we have a big surprise for you."

Then he opens his eyes, looks up at them, and says "let me guess, another hat?"
 
IceAgeCivilizations said:
Or how 'bout the kid who was born just a head, no body.

So his parents are at a cocktail party, and they ask this guy what he does, and the guy says "I'm a research biochemist, we're working on a method to regenerate missing limbs."

Then the dad says "our son is just a head, will you be able to possibly generate a body for him," and the biochemist says "if the formulae work out, we'll be able to generate a whole new body for your son."

So the parents run home to tell Junior the hopeful news, they go in the house, go to the little head's bedroom, turn on the light, walk over and tap him on the head saying "son, son, we have a big surprise for you."

Then he opens his eyes, looks up at them, and says "let me guess, another hat?"
Click to expand...

That's brutal.
:D
 
2 guys talking in a pub.
"My wife asked me if we should renew our wedding vows yesterday."
"So why are you so glum-looking?"
"I thought they had expired."

Not offensive (or funny) but I'm runnig low here...
 
The Flemster said:
2 guys talking in a pub.
"My wife asked me if we should renew our wedding vows yesterday."
"So why are you so glum-looking?"
"I thought they had expired."

Not offensive (or funny) but I'm runnig low here...
Click to expand...
That reminds me of another one:
A lawyer sees a friend of his sitting at a bar, looking quite depressed. He sits next to him and asks, "Joe, what's wrong?" Joe says, "Twenty-five years ago I told you I was going to kill my wife, remember? "Sure, I remember. I told you not to do it, you'd get twenty-five years!" "That's right", says Joe, "And if I hadn't listened to you, I'd be a free man now!"​
 
ok i got one

why dont blacks and mexicans marry??

answer: because their afraid their kids will be too lazy to steal

this is my all time favorite joke lol
 
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