The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer
when he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man,
clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man
starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and
shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of
brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,
"You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the
little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong
man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the
same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,
"You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little
Man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want
these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard,
and says:
"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
 
The Pakistan Cricket Squad are being hailed as heroes in their native land.
They're the only team to ever play in the World Cup and bring home the ashes!
 
Those 15 Iranian hostages consisted of 14 men and 1 woman.

Doesn't take a genius to figure out who was reading the map does it!
 
What's the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse?
It's no fun beating a dead horse.

How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
Dress her up as a goat.

What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
Tickle the goat under the chin.
 
A Pakistani comes to America and begins working for the ACLU but is unfamiliar with American advances in toiletry. On his first day on the job he comes back from the men's room saying he can't find any hole in the ground. His boss explains how American plumbing works and sends the Pakistani back.

A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream shakes the office walls. His boss runs into the bathroom to investigate why he's screaming.

The Pakistani replies, "I am just sitting here on the toilet like you instructed to do and every time I am making to flush, something comes up and squeezes dearly on my poor testicles."

mop bucketHis boss looks at what he's sitting on and says, "You idiot. You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
 
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"

A Palestinian girl says to her mummy, "After Abdul blows him self up, can I have his room?"
 
Things I think about​

What is my president doing right now at this minute?

When girls go to the pool, does water go into their genitals and back into the pool?

If I eventually set out to travel the world, will I be left disappointment?

Its quite possible, someone, somewhere, on this Earth, at any given time, is having sex with an animal.

The whole point of prison is to correct you, but when was the last time any convict felt corrected.

Scientists claim the natural state of all things is lowest energy, all you have to do is look around you carefully, and come to now amazingly stupid that statement could be.

I wonder what my father told my mother while having my birth intercourse

The whole mystery behind the Iraq war is beleaguering. I mean, saying you saw something is different from saying you didn’t. What happened to the weapons of mass killage?

How did early people draw maps of the world when there were no satellites or shuttle rockets to view the world from space?

Does the Queen of England listen to rap music?
 
whats the difference between a truck of dead babies and a truck of bowling balls.


you don't unload the truck of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
one day a little white boy got ran over, he went up to heaven and god asked him what happened, when the little boy had told him, god said 'ok go get some wings from the box, you can be an angel' the next day another little boy died and went up to heaven, after he told god what happened he was told to get some wings from the box and become an angel, the day after a little black boy died, when he went up to heaven and told god what happened god said 'ok go get some wings from the box and you can be a bat'
 
Iraq Directory

Q: How do you tell a Sunni form A Shiite?:shrug:


A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.:eek:
 
Zebra

A zebra died and went to heaven where he met St. Peter at the gates. The zebra asked St. Peter, "Am I to go in as a white or am I going in as a black?"
St. Peter smiled and replied, "Go forth and ask God this question." The zebra went over to God's throne and repeated his query, "Father, do I enter heaven as a white or as a black?" God smiled and told the zebra, "You are what you are."
The zebra was confused at the answer, but dared not question God further. He went back to the gates and told St. Peter, "God told me that "You are what you are", but how does this answer my question? St. Peter laughed with delight and said, "You are going in a a white! If God considered you as black he would have answered "You am watch you is!"
 
:)

What do Virginia Tech and Mount Everest have in common?

They both have a crazy slope and are -32.
 
Limerick

Offensive Limerick

There was a young girl from the Azores
Who's cunt was all covered in sores
The dogs of the street, came to lick the green meat,
That hung in fesstoons from her drawers
 
Exam results

Is it true that that Korean guy misunderstood when someone asked him to shoot up the university and get his exam results?
 
8 women and 1 man hangs in a robe underneath a flying plane. The robe can't hold all of them so one have to let go.
All the women looks at the man.
He holds a sensitive speech about, that men have to sacrifice themselves for women, like always.
When the speech is over, all the women starts clapping.
 
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