The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Status
Not open for further replies.
One hot summer's day, three tramps were bored. One has an idea, a gobbing competition! The biggest greeney wins a can of Nelson off of eachother. All agree.

First tramp steps forward and draws a great big tobbaco'd slimey from down yonder and lets fly, hitting the wall from 10 yards.

The second tramp draws even deeper and reeches an even bigger, browner groggler than the previous attempt, phlatt, it hits the wall.

"Beat that fockin beauty" he cries.

The third tramp walks up to the wall and in one motion sucks both the previous grogglies off of the wall, takes 10 paces back, draws his own groggler and lets fly with the whole lot.

In victory, he shouts..."2 cans of Stella over here please"
 
Last edited:
Paddy stumbles out of a Liverpool pub and a local prossie asks "Fancy a bit of the business matey?"

"Sorry love" he replies "I've only got a fiver on me"

She replies "No worries loov, I've got change!"
 
Have you heard about the two gay tugboat captains?

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
 
Two nuns are walking down a country path when suddenly two masked men jump out from behind a bush and begin raping them.

The first nun shouts "Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do".

The second nun shouts "Wow, this one does!".
 
People said Mel Gibson couldn't play a Scot.
And look at him now: alcoholic AND a racist!
 
First the dodo died. Then Dodi died. Then Di died.
Dido must be shitting herself...
 
hello =)

okay so i read the first 5 or 6 pages or so, and decided i'd have to make an account and add a few jokes. im not sure if any of these have been posted already, since 35+ pages might take me a while to read through =P

the first 2 aren't that offensive but one of my teachers back in high school told them to me and i almost died from shock:

what do you call a gay dinosaur?
mega-sore-ass
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
lick-alota-puss

how many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, they were too cheap to buy a new one.

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
pizzas don't burn in the oven

What do you call a chink with one testicle?
Whatwentwong.

Why did the mexican family move out of the outhouse?
Because the blacks downstairs made too much noise!

Why is there no Mexican swimming team?
all the beaners who can run, jump and swim are in the US!

How do you save a drowning Puerto Rican?
You don't know, GOOD!

:m: :m: :m:
 
oh and LOL at the dido thing Flemster. i had to read it twice to get it but that made it funnier for some reason =Þ
 
stupid jokes

what do you do if you see a screaming paki lying in a pool of blood?

Stop laughing and reload.....


A paki woman knocked on my door the other day.... I talked to her through the letterbox to see how she fucking liked it.


Did you hear that they are doing bungee jumping in england now?? Pakis jump for free - no strings attached!!!!


Whats the hardest part of a vegetable???

The wheelchair!!!!
 
whats the best thing about bumming a 5 yr old??

Hearing thepelvis crack :p


Why has there never been a woman on the moon??

It doesn't need cleaning..


Whats the similarity between a woman and KFC??

When your finished with the breast and thighs your left with a greasy bucket!!! (ha ha ha stupid women!!)


Whats the similarity between a woman and a washing machine\??

They both leak when they are fucked!!!


Why was Jesus so good at football??

He was always up on the cross..


what do you call a darkie on a bike??
Thief..


What do you call a scouser with a job??#
Liar..

What do you calla darkie with half a brain???

Gifted...
 
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
So they didn't fill up with dirt.

Why are a women's holes so close together?
So you can pick them up like a six-pack.

How do you know if an italian woman has her period?
Her husband wears the domio grin.

Why is there so much food at a greek wedding?
To keep the flies off the bride.

How do you know if an Air-Italia plane is flying over you?
There's hair under the wings.
 
Died & Gone 2 heaven

3 blokes die on the same day - a 2 white guys and a paki.

They all arrive at heavens gat and the first white guy tries to get in; St Peter says "What have you done recently that was good?" He replies "I gave £10 to charity and £10 to a homeless tramp". "Yes come on in" St Peter says.
The 2nd white guy asks if he can go in, St Peter asks "What have you done recently that was good?" The man replies "I gave £20 to charity and £20 to a homeless tramp". "Very good" replies St Peter "Come on in".
The paki steps up to the gate - "Can I come in to heaven (mate)" he asks. St Peter asks him "What have you done recently that was good?". The Paki replied "I gave £1000 to charity and £1000 to a homeless tramp". St Peter asks him to wait while he check with God. After a few minutes St Peter returns, and says "Now here's your two grand back and FUCK OFF!"
 
What do you call 5000 niggers on a plan back to Africa

A good start!

How are black people and apples the same?

they both look good hanging from trees


what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you

Pull the pin out and throw it back



Lastly


A man comes home and sees his wife standing at the door with two empty suitcases? Knowing she is going to make him move out he decides to attempt to seduce her. He succeeds and they make the hottest sweatest love you can imagine. But she hasn't forgotten. " Dave I want you out of my house. The neighbors have told me things about you. You drink, you gamble, and I even heard you're a pedophile"

Stunned the man looks back with a smile and says " thats a pretty big word for a 12 year old"
 
Did you hear about the bus load of Japanese tourists that was hi-jacked?

Fortunately, there is over 1000 pictures of the hi-jackers
 
How do you know if the waitress hates you?
There's a string hanging out of your bloodymary

How do you know if the waitress is having a bad day?
There's a tampon behind her ear and she's wondering where she put her pencil.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top