Scivillage

Tigers are cunning animals. They can sense what people are really thinking and what they are afraid off. I sensed with my powerful outcast senses amplified by scirum power that the tiger understood that the barber feared most of not belonging in a group, to be alone. The tiger pinned him down easily even without fur. I grabbed the razor and empowered by scirum I started shaving the barbers head and eyerbrows.

It was a bloody good job. I wanted to ask for some payment but the tiger was on its way again. I ran after him and felt an initial resistance. But suddenly the resistance was gone and I felt very free and very naked.

The tiger sat down after some running and looked up. I tried convincing the tiger that we should move on because it was getting late and I was out of muffins and tea. But no use, the stubborn animal wouldn't move. I looked up...a woman was hanging in the tree and some kind of jungle man was pulling her legs. I poked the tiger with my finger and pointed to the scene.

Have you seen that tiger? Let's sit down and have a look. The tiger pointed at a ladder behind the tree and roared with laughter. Tigers must have a really strange sense of humour, because it wasn't a particular funny ladder. I laughed too because i didn't want to insult the tiger's feelings.

I felt stinging on my bottom. I looked down. DAMN...why did this always happen to me? Why would giant vicious ants build an ants nest right under my ass? I started running around in a random pattern and shouting on the top of my voice. I heard the tiger roar with laughter.

I bumped into the tree and the woman and tarzan fell out of the tree straight on my shoulders. I ran into a muddy smelly pool and jumped in because ants are not supposed to like smelly mud. I felt much better until tarzan and the woman started hitting me and calling me an idiot in unison.

The tiger roared even louder with laughter. It must have spotted another ladder or something me thinks.

Me thinks it is time for a sip of scirum but I broke the bottle when I dove into the smelly muddy pool.


I cry!
 
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With a few quick jumps and a final big on, I roar and land in the smelly mud pool on my belly, sending tsunamis of smelly mud in all directions, pushing people over as a ran around trying to slip or get push my self.

Soon the 4 muddy character got tired of runnuing around the heavy mud and heaved the self to dry land, where the could clean them self a little and catched there breath.
Sexy Blue found a "PhD in evo-devo" thesis and diploma laying on a rock and used its pages to whip the worst mud away. Handing it on the next in line, I snatched its from her hands and ate it all.
Having ate the paper, I notised the Dreamer and outcast looking on me, in a peciliar way, "what!, oh like you 2 never ate a PhD in evo-devo and diploma before" i said, it wasn't that good anyway, to dry and muddy.
 
Me thinks that the ants had also built an ants nest underneath his butt because it took him only a few jumps to get into the smelly muddy pool.

I saw the tiger eat a Phd diploma in Evo-devo. I tried to warn him that it light lie heavy on the stomach but he took no notice. I ate one once and my intestines felt like they had a piece of rock in it for 6 whole months.

Well, I guess tigers should know best, being kings of the jungle and all.

I told them about the secret cave in the forest with food dispenser and all. The woman with blue sexy feet continued babbling about elephants. The tarzan was nodding to this in agreement. The tiger was nodding to sleep. Apparently the heavey meal made him drowsy. Told you so.

Where to go first though. Elephants, secret cave, or should we try to find the orange bush with black stripes that runs backwards?
 
Secret Cave! Secret Cave! Secret Cave! Secret Cave! Secret Cave!

After i got over my obsession for elephants, i agreed we move onto a cave, for darkness was coming soon and i'm hungry muchness. Spurious hinted that there were secret things in there. I'm bored, so secret things has a very appealing ring to it.
 
Anyway, the orange bush will probably follow us. And there's always elephants around somewhere. Maybe even frogs. I'm not sure yet. The future is ineviably random.

We took a walk around the mountainside until we found a cave with the sign "Secret Cave" above it.
 
Actually the sign above the cave used to say "Batman's Secret Cave", as the tiger would soon explained.
Batman didn't thinking that there was room for 2 in this grand cave of his, so in the end he desided to "move out". His rigth over there under one of those bushes, in one of the nice little piles, the tiger said noding in the direction of some well fertalised bushed.

But I have it all under control, before batman "left" I had observed his daylig rutines, his quite a boring fella really, all he did was talk in the funny red telephone and play with his big computer, over in there by the corner watching naked humans. Until one day i accidently ate him.

So every now and then, when the funny red telephone rings I roar, moar and even wuf at it until its stops ringing. The computer I have tried to use, I ate the thing batman refered to as a "mouse" and have been gnawing in the keyboard but the computer doen't seem to work.
But the best things are those strange rubber suides batman wore, they are greate for shewing and ripping on, *picking up a nearby bat-boot, a boot half full of drool and hands it to SexyBlue".
 
The tiger was handing the woman with sexy blue feet a boot filled with some liquid, that must be a fabulous alcoholic drink. I pushed forward and grabbed the boot and drank its content in one go. I excused myself and vomited in the boot and put it back where the tiger found it.

Feeling rinsed and rejuvenated from the inside I went to examine the cave in more detail. I told the other adventurers that this must have been a meeting place for gay people considering the colour scheme, the large amount of rubber, and decorations. Not to mention the closet filled with fake moustaches.'

I was sure that this could not be our secret cave. I was told that the secret cave had a secret food dispensor and stuff. This one didn't even have a vending machine. Just a juxebox filled with records of 'the village people'.

Feeling a bit naked suddenly I put on the only suite that wasn't ripped or drooled upon. The Boy Wonder suite. I admired myself in the mirror.

So people, what do ya think? Is this the secret cave or not? I noticed that the naked tiger was getting bored with the proceedings. It had started chewing my boot. Unfortunately my leg was still in it.

I climbed up a large pool in the middle of the cave. It almost reached the ceiling. The pool started swaying back and forth. The tiger was pushing it at the bottom.

'People, could you please help me out here?'
 
Seeing the outcast crawl up the pole, I quickly got up and waited at the bottom until he was almost at the to, then i started shaking the pole the best i could. However the outcast seemed to stick on to the pole like was he glued, roaring with deligth i pushed the pole harder still.
 
Oh, check out the bat-rope.....and there's a batbelt with one of those shooty things.....and... and... and..... A BATMOBILE!!!!

Talk about travelling in style. I jumped into the batmobile, and took her for a spin round the cave. Talk about handling....talk about speed......aaaaahhhhhhh.......

I miss this.
 
Using my new toys, i fire a bat-disc accross the room, flying it straight over the tiger's head, hoping he would fetch. No such luck. So i tried the village people to see if that would ward him off. Chucking on some headphones, i turned the volume right up and pressed play.
Kunax jumped up abotu three feet and ran to the furtherest corner, burying himself into a pile of blankets. However, the monkey also reacted according to his defence systems and covered his ears....which meant there was nothing defending him from the fall.....
 
Fortunately the pole was still swinging and when I let loose it catapulted me to the corner where I landed softly on a pile of blankets. I heard something moaning in agony underneath.
I quickly got up to regain my dignity and assert myself as the natural leader that I was. That didn't last long because my eyes rested on Batman's drink cabinet. I excused myself and poored myself a nice dry martini. Shaken, not stirred.
 
Fealing flattened from falling people the blankets staggers to its feet, before beginning a mad and blind race around the cave, bumping into just about everything and there mother.

Grinding to a halt the blanket stops as the loud speakers defeaning roar slowly fades away. Then silence, not a single sound is heard, until a chair is dragged against the rugged cave floor and puff off the blanket goes, like a guiden missile on a quest to save the world, the blanket streaks acrose the cave floor with at superblanket speeds, heading straigth for where the sound was heard and hitting almost dead.

Thinking fast Sexy Blue jumps a side, narrowly escape the guide blanket missile, but now she finds herself staring at the deadly blanket standing unnervingly close to home, just waithing for another sound to hunt.
Thinking fast again, SexyBlue takes off the headset that she wore and throws asfar away she can, unforthently hitting an unsuspecting but martini drinking outcast right in the back.

In supprice the outcast turns around and starts complaining about the ruff treatment, but before SexyBlue can warm the outcast its all to late, the guiden blaket is off again heading straigt for the him at breakneck speeds.
The outcast how ever keeping it cool takes a sip of his drink looking true the bottom of his glass thinking "A moving blanket with tiger feet, goood moonshine".
 
'Coool...a fastmoving blanket with naked tiger feet', I thought, 'Gooooood moonshine!'

Almost as impressive as a orange bush with black stripes that runs backwards. Wait a sec. That running blanket is coming at me with quite some speed. I imagine that even the softness of the blanket won't protect me from a harsh impact.

I started running and frantically tried not to spill anything of my martini. Tarzan was nearby and I jumped in his shoulders. HOOORAH, not a drop spilled!! i took a sip. Surely I must be safe on Tarzan's shoulders. Tarzan, king of the jungle...running blanket, king of the linnencloset! That was no match!
 
I watched as Kunax plowed into Tarzan and the monkey, knocking all three of them onto the floor. The martini went from shaken to splattered over the floor. Kunax had a sniff and started lapping up.

I explored further into the cave, and found an underground water fall, although nowhere near as large as ours back home. So i took a shower, washed my feet. This resulted in nearly sky blue glowing feet.
 
Damn, I had no chance of stopping the tiger with the weight of spurious on my shoulders... Slowly I get up from the floor and tangle of legs. Time to explore the cave a bit more, after all, I am also and excavator and adventurer.

I grab one of the fancy flashlights and walk down a tunnel...
 
but at the end of the tunnel you stumble apon me, i sat there in my tree like manner, just being a tree, "man that is a cool tree" you say, before continuing on.
 
I see the tarzan person and the lady with sexy blue feet going down the tunnel. I try to remind them that the drinks cabinet is still not empty. Would they care for a dry martini, but they don't seem to hear me. They are all absorbed with the secrets that lie beyond the batcave.

I turn to the running blanket and ask if it would like a dry martini. 'Of course, why not? It is past noon after all!'

I make him an excellent martini and have a nice conversation on the weather and on when we should start following the tarzan person and the lady with the sexy blue feet into the tunnel. I voice the opinion that maybe we should have another martini. The running blanket says that since the drinks cabinet has little wheels underneath we could just as well go down the tunnel now and mix a nice cocktail during our journey into the unknown.

Bloody good idea I yell! And off we go! A hairless outcast in a boywonder costume, a running blanket and a drinks cabinet on wheels.
 
as spurious spills some of his martini on me, my roots lift up and i am able to hop along behind the trolley, spurious also notes how cool of a tree i am.
 
The running blanket seems to have trouble running in a straight line. He bumps into me and I spill some of my delicious dry martini on a tree in the tunnel. A tree in the tunnel? How cute I think...The running blanket raises his hindleg and sprays the tree with a yellow liquid. Strange, I think....

We move on and a noise behind us makes me turn my head. The tree is following the drinks trolley. I poor it a dry martini and we move on. What a cool tree, I think.

A hairless outcast in a boywonder costume, a running blanket with tiger feet, a drinks cabinet on wheels, and a partially wet tree that can walk!
 
Marching down the tunnel, the outcast started mixing another set of dry martini's, shaken, not stirred. 1 for the blanket with tiger feet, 1 for the tree as he was migthy parched, 1 for himself ofcause and finially 1 for the squeaky trolly which he glady drank himself, bottoms up he said.

Futher down the tunnel, the blanket started swaying back and forth, like it couldn't see or it was drunk or maybe a bit of both. The blankets swaying got worse and worse as they went, even several dry martini's didn't help.
In the end and unavoidable the blanket hit and brushing allong the tunnel wall, it stopped for a moment, relaxing, fealing wall support its weigth, but a mere moment was all that was needed, the blanket with tiger feet fell a asleep where it stod(im blank, and tired, good nigth :)).
 
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