Scivillage

Splaaash Hulk had made a giant turd, it almost broke the toilet when it landed. A much relieved Hulk was sporting a huge smile on his face going from ear the ear as he turned around and pointed down the toilet "Greeeeeenn".
After the initial chock and involentary twitching cause by Hulk mooning me and Rosa with his hairy ass, curiosity got the better of me and i steppe past Hulk to look down the toilet at the giant green turd. Only elephants had i see produce poop in those quantities, it was truly enormous and green, looking up at its own, Hulk once again, with a smile on his face said "Greeeeeeen" and pointed down the toilet, Trying to imitate i groul "Grrrrrrrrrrep", Hulk again point down the toilet "Greeeeeeen", the tiger goes "Grrrrrrrp"

This quickly become to much for Rosa, who's still riding on my back, starts to pull the bushy hair around my neck forcing me to turn around and run ...
 
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The tiger and Rosie were coming closer. I tried to point out the giant green iceberg floating in the toilet. They didn't seem very excited by the look of it. The tiger started to do some serious projectile vomiting. Rosie was tugging the tigers fur in a desperate attempt to get away. The tiger's fascination with the green iceberg ended and he started running away with a screaming rosie on his back.

I was sure the tiger didn't really want to leave but had wanted to examine the green floating iceberg up close. I took the iceberg out of the toilet bowl and started running after them with giant Hulk steps catching up with them easily. I was running next to them, reaching out the green iceberg towards them. For some reason they looked panic stricken. Maybe they just realized that they had forgotten to fill out their tax forms.

I grumbled that it didn't matter and they could fill out the forms later. But they seemed even more panicky after I opened my mouth.
 
(Why the hell was I put to ride on a tiger's back?!)

... but that damn Tiger won't do what I tell him, as he is enamoured with Hulk's poop. But this Tiger was not exactly the smartest one of his kind, as he was under the immense fecalious impression of Hulk's poop, and the drugs he had eaten earlier have taken a precarious toll on his intellect. The poor Tiger now stooped to the intelligence level of a frozen squid.

So I decided that I must take matters into my own hands and save the Tiger from the intellectual abyss that thoughtless monkey so carelessly thrusted him into, by feeding him Scirum. I plucked a few magic petals out of my head, rolled a joint, lit it, and put it into the Tiger's mouth. The effects were immediate and staggering. The Tiger regained all his grace!

Unfortunately -- or fortunately -- this included barfing up (and we have learned before that the Tiger is very good at that) the contents of his tormented stomach all over Hulk, which made turn Hulk to Monkey again.

And there they were: The Monkey once more facing the greatest fear of his life, the Tiger; the Tiger in the mood for playing.
 
And so we ran, we ran as fast as the sweet Tiger's paws could carry us, away from Hulk, or Monkey, or whatever this creature was (I am only sure *he* hasn't filled out his tax form).

It then struck me: Hulk/Monkey is after us, offering us the poop of reconcilement (he thinks it is a green iceberg, what an aesthetic blindeness) -- the Monkey wants to play with us! Oh, poor Monkey/Hulk, he must be so lonely, and so childish, if he thinks he could play with a tiger, or with a flower, for that matter.
 
I stop.

My eyes have fallen on a flower at the side of the road. I throw the iceberg through an open window of some hut. I hear screams coming from the hut. Screams of disgust.

The flower stares back at me with inviting eyes. Except that there are no eyes. Still I see inviting eyes. I get really close to the flower until my green nose almost touches flower's nose. Except that the flower doesnt have a nose.

I forget all about the playful tiger and Rosie.
 
... and thus the meanest flower that blew, gave the Hulk rise to thoughts that did lie too deep for tears.
 
The flower blew, and gave me rise to thoughts that did lie too deep for tears. The flow of tears did spring but it was to deep to escape my deflating body now. I was turning back into the outcast. The tear flood couldn't be stopped though. More and more fluid accumulated in my head. It started swelling.

There was only one thing that could save me. A joint. I grabbed rosie and started shaking her. 20 joints popped out of her. I lighted them all and started inhaling the smoke of 'stopping internal tears'.

Rosie looked upset. Then she just looked green. Yellow...purple.

Rosie was a rainbow.
 
I looked at spuriousmonkey, whos head had stopped its swelling, he sucked at 20 joints all glowing on his inhaled, I watched him hold his breath, suddenly wanting to smoke another of Rosies tastefull joints. I tackeled spurious to the ground and sealed my maw around his mouth and nose. In a giant tiger kiss i sucked on spuroismonkey my human bong.

Trying to turn my head, all the way around, I looked at Rosa on my back, her hair and clothes strangly changing color between all the colors of the rainbow in a most intoxicating way.
 
The tiger stole my 'smoke of stopping all internal tears'. I didn't mind because I had no use of it anymore. I was just looking at the miracle that is named Rosie. She was still a human rainbow. The tiger had noticed the same tiger. We sat there together exchanging 20 joints, huffing and puffing, and admiring Rosie.

I felt the urg to touch the human rainbow named Rosie. The tiger was also stretching out a paw.

I got jealous. ROSIE WAS MINE!!!! I didn't hand over the 20 joints but kept huffing and puffing them. The tiger looked pieved. I laughed out loud as only mad people can do. WHOOOOAAAAooohh..AOOOOh. The tiger tried to grab the joints. I put them in my pants to protect them.

I felt it getting hot in my pants. I suddenly had the urge to find water. I didn't know why, but I did. I ran like a gazelle on speed...good speed.
 
And so there I was, a rainbow. And where a rainbow touches the ground, there one must dig to find water. And so did the Monkey, being in dire need of water.

So he grabbed and grabbed at my feet, and woooooosh, there was a well, and it started to flood the fields. The Monkey was now safe from getting burned, and this gleeful feeling of joy brought a smile on his face, a smile that makes people twitch, as if they were treated with arsenic or cyanide.

The water welled and welled, and soon, there was a sea. As the Monkey had cried many many bitter tears before, there was enough salt around to make the sea a proper salty sea.

Now, things began to roll: there was a pirate ship on the horizon.
 
The burning sensation disappeared from my nether region and I smiled.

That didn't last for long. I suddenly realized all the 20 joints were soaked and could not be lighted again. A curtain of melancholy clouded my vision and all my other senses. The water felt sad, the water tasted sad instead of salt.

I saw a pirateship at the horizon and normally such an event would have made me jump a black hole in the sky. But not now...I was saddened by the loss of the 'internal tear stopping smoke'.

The cannons onboard the pirate shipe fired a salute shot. An idea trickled into my sad brain. Every pirateship has RUM on board!!!! Ho Ho and a bottle of rum.

I grabbed the tiger and Rosie and swam like a shark on speed towards the pirateship. I threw them on board and then climbed up like a monkey on speed myself.

And then I saw it...
 
A giant krystal ball always filled with rum, the tears of sadness went away replaced by those of joy, spuriousmonkey knelling down next the the giant ball, next to one of its many tabs at the bottom. Turning the tap he put his head in under, mmm normal rum and coke with a twist of lime. Standing up spuriousmokey shouted "Arrrrrrr and giant ball of rum", before falling back on the deck laugthing.

Rosa also wanting a taste or 2, was just about to get of the tiger, when that elusive thompson gazelle came bouncing down the deck, right infront of both the tiger and Rosa. The Tiger wanting to dance again, ran after the gazelle with the biggest tiger jumps ever seen at sea, Over guns and under sail they dances all across the deck.

Spuriousmonkey laugthing loud at his new discovery and the tiger with his playmate. They where all in heaven, except perhaps for Rosa holding on to the back of the tiger.
 
But in heaven, transitivity still works, so if I was holding on to the back of the tiger, and the tiger was in heaven, then I was I heaven too.
At this point, I decided that I've had enough of those tiger games, as they were messing up my hair, while riding on the back of that super fast tiger. So I simply got off. Hoppala.

I was now a free rose, free to do as a rose sees fit. And that ball of rum seemed awfully inviting.
 
I would like to be the villiage parapsychologer and astromancer. That is . . . unless there already is one.
 
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There is a drunk outcast some where. You proberly find him drinking with a magic flower on a pirate ship in a sea of tears. Drinking from a giant crystal ball, trying its many different drinks each with its own tap.

Then there is a builder man, with suicidal tendenciey and demonic fantasies, his stuck some where in the local loonybin, sitting in a homemade chair with a douthfull value.

There also was a hampster, he flew away on a cruise missile, disapering just like the resident psychologist fish and tarzan turned Indianer jones before him.

Then there where 2 very wierd scivillager, wierd in the sence that they wher fairly normal, except 1 started by throwing fish at people, i think she got angry or annoy by something so she left. the other had a thing for hammocks and was a bit of a scientis or am I getting her mixed up with the girl with blue feet, so many have come and gone, like the mad monster from the well or the elusive fish in the tranquil forest hut and many more
 
"I am BACK!" Came the call from the forest´s edge, and out came a weatherbeaten guy with unkempt hair and beard, carrying a huge backpack that was obviously bulging with various treasures and artifacts.

Damn, excavating things is harder than I thought, I found some lost city in the jungle and was digging around in it for a week.
Say, what are those drunkards doing there? Have all gone mad?
Anyway, I have to get this stuff into my house to study it.

Who´s that? That guy looks strange... but that is nothing extraordinary, "Welcome, whoever you are!"
 
Originally Posted by Athelwulf
I would like to be the villiage parapsychologer and astromancer. That is . . . unless there already is one.

Originally Posted by spuriousmonkey
I don't think there is one.
Click to expand...

Then I am the villiage parapsychologer and astromancer!
 
The psychedelic frog, after very nearly getting eaten by a tiger and narrowly avoiding getting sat upon by a monkey, swam gently in the water by herself. "Quite a turn of events", she thought to herself as she had been looking for her lily pad for months now. She got a bit of the water in her mouth and quickly spat it back out again. "Pish, salt water will wrinkle me bum." and crawled out onto the marshy shore.

In the distance she saw a glint of something sparkly carried by one of those human characters, and decided to hop over to get a closer look. As she approached, the man started off in another direction, so she took a flying leap, deftly landing herself in the rolled up pant leg of the man with the bag of goodies. "Ahoy there, matey" she said to him, quite unheard due to her tiny stature and the distance between the pretty frog and the burly mans ear. Thoroughly exhausted at the days events, she quietly slipped into slumber as the man walked onward.
 
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