Scivillage

The cruise missile that I accidentally fired whilst my wife was in labour smashed through a skylight of the asylum, hitting something 'important' in the 'back room'...
 
Scivillage day 66
report Spuriousmonkey - outcast
How I became an outcast

I wasn't always the outcast in scivillage. In fact I was not born in scivillage. I arrived there one sunny sunday afternoon and occupied an abandoned hut some distance away from the village. I was no mystery why the hut was abandoned, it had become a home for a family of skunks.

The inhabitants never noticed my arrival. They learned about my existence only several months after I had moved in. I had been keeping to myself and had been very careful to avoid any human contact. But I had run out of toilet paper and autumn had come. There were no big leaves anymore to use as a substitute for toilet paper. Hence I was forced to enter civilization.

This caused quite a commotion amongst the villagers who had been the result of centuries of inbreeding. The genes for suspicion and xenophobia had been proliferating like mad in this limited gene pool. I had an unfamilair face and a strange dialect, wearing strange clothes and having a strange body language. I didn't get any toilet paper that first visit. I was chased away by a hail of rocks, sticks, human faeces and cow dung.

The urge to wipe was greater than my fear to return so I went back after a week. Again I was greeting in this hostile fashion. I returned a week later, got chased away again, returned again, etc etc. Until one day they couldn't be bothered to chase me away. Unfortunately I learned that the last shipment of toilet paper never had arrived. The whole village was out of it except for the mayor.
 
Scivillage day 66
report Spuriousmonkey - outcast
How I became an outcast part 2

How did I arrive in scivillage? That is a question that I didn't answer, and I will reluctantly so. On my shoulders lies a great responsibilty. I have the power to destroy the universe.

You might think I am boasting here, but I am not. I have the ability to create a conflicting time paradox, of which scientists as early as in 2615 have shown that it will create a quantum state that will suck out all energy out of this universe to channel it into a new pre-big bang singularity. It will be the end of this universe and the beginning of a new one.

Before you start thinking that I have been drinking too much of my own scirum again let me explain.
 
Scivillage day 66
report Spuriousmonkey - outcast
How I became an outcast part 3

I once was an admiral in sciforum starfleet, commanding the largest of all juggernaut battleships, the SSS Queen of Mayhem.

sciforum fleet thread

I had to abandon this lovely ship in a hostile confrontation with a Voltron unit. I abandoned the ship together with the AI named HAL. We feld on board of the SSS Wasp Factory, a fast corvette classe attack/scout ship that was part of a large fleet of smaller warships in the docks of the Queen of Mayhem. On board we had the secret project named Ultima with us. This project had the power to change the world.

And indeed it changed the world but not in a manner I expected.
 
Scivillage day 66
report Spuriousmonkey - outcast
How I became an outcast part 4

Project Ultima was the Ultimate Time Machine. However, since it was powered by quantum time paradox energy from incipient universes it was a highly dangerous project. It had the potential to blow up this universe or suck it dry from energy. Neither scenario was very tantalizing.

However a time machine would give us the edge in the rebellion and could save mankind from its ultimate fate; destruction. The plan was to send a message back in time so that Humanity would be prepared for their encounter with the Alien Scerlag menace.


Things did not go quite right. I parked the SSS Wasp factory in an uninhabited system and let the AI complete the final phases of the project. We were doing a testrun when a scerlag posivoltron Unit uncloaked near us and opened fire. There was no escape. We would die.

The AI was instructed by higher laws to protect me and himself. It automatically activated project ultima and transported the SSS Wasp Factory and its contents back into time out of harms way. There was no time to adjust the settings. We went back in time to far and destroyed the time machine in the process.

We were stranded. We made our way to earth and noticed to our horror that mankind hadn't even reached the technology level to colonize its own solar system. Confronting them now with our knowledge would only lead us to a secure place in the mental asylum. We decided to lay low until mankind had progressed. I loaded myself up with rejuvenation nanobots, downloaded the AI in a tiny Quantum Work station and implanted that behind my ear.

I took a lifepod to descent to the surface of the planet and send the SSS Wasp factory on a collision course with the sun.

And then I arrived in scivillage.

Unfortunately the rejuvenation nanobots were contaminated. It altered my brain structure and I began to develop immature tendencies and a aversion for people.

Technology that couldn't even be imagined by the primitive people of this era had turned me into outcast.

There was only one great danger. If people would find out I was from the future a time paradox would be created destroying this universe. Why I am writing this all down then in my journal and leaving it open and visible on my desk for everybody to see who happens to wonder in?

I assume the nanobots have corroded my judgement.
 
Scivillage day 67
report Spuriousmonkey - outcast
oh no

My journal in which I described my time paradox phenomenon has disappeared. There are orange, white and black hairs all over the place. I suspect that three thieves have come on. One with orange hair, one with white and another one with black hair.

I don't understand why they made scratch marks on my furniture.
 
Scivillage day 66
report Kunax - Tiger
At the libary

Spuriousmonkey was in his hut fiddling with his distillery as usual, perhaps trying to make an even more potent scirum. Not really carring about spuriousmonkey's firewater I was reading the journal on the desk, slowly turning the pages with my snout, spuriousmonkey seem oblivious to my present and continued playing with the distillery.

The book was filled with strange and boring words I did not understanding, quite evident if you noticed the book was upside down and I was flipping the pages backwards, The book did however have many pictures, some even hand painted. After tasting a few of the pictures in the journal i grabbed the book in my maw and ran out the door before spuriousmonkey would notice i had ever been there.

Some where else in the shades of another hut, I was licking and drooling on the pictures in the book, its ink of the handpainted pictures slowly dissolving and unknown to me coloring my tong an teeth.
Getting thirsty from all the reading I dumped the book behind a hut, in a now slightly moist state from all the drool and a few pages missing here and there, I walked down the the lake for a drink.

(only 15 post short of having an entire page by yourself spurious :))
 
Last edited:
(heh in 11 posts, post 20 post in quick succesion :) sound like spam)
 
Scivillage day 66
report Kunax - Tiger
Drinking the bathwater

Stopping by SwedishFish house I first took a look around for muffins, I only looked in the most usual places, like under bushed and tables. Then I peeked in a window, where i saw Swedisfish taking off her "fur". Auch, Thinking to myself that has got to hurt, then i walked over the the bird bath and drank most of the water.

The ink in my maw partly washing off coloring the remaining water and the usually white bird bath, in a now dark color as the Ink from the journal by now had all mix together.
 
Fay Rays kids were fine, 4 boys and 2 girls (thats the average amount of kids for a hamster, giving birth must kinda hurt). We decided to go on holiday to france for 2 weeks with the kids. Well, I decided. I thought that the cruise missile may cause things to hot up around here.
 
Scivillage day 67
report spuriousmonkey - Outcast
Swedishfish has gone mad and water runs in mysterious ways

WARNING: IMMATURE CONTENT

My journal is still missing. I have been wandering around the village looking for people with white, orange and black hair. I didn't find a 'gang' that fitted that description. That made me wonder if te thieves had come from outside the village. But nobody in the village had seen any strangers lately.

I went to swedishfish for some tea. That woman is nutts. She had filled the bird bath with cola or something. I saw a new species of bird. It was the size of a sparrow but much darker.

She may be nutts but she can make a good muffin. There was no not about sex on the door this time. That was a relief. She wasn't home either. I rummaged a bit through her kitchen looking for the tea kettle and the muffins. The tea kettle I found, muffins I didn't. I tried to fill the tea kettle with the tap, but no water was coming out. Strange.

Well...there was no time to waste. I had to continue looking for my journal if there were no muffins anyway. But first I would use the toilet. It was a real nice toilet, all clean and stuff, smelling like lavender. I did my business. That was a big one. I'd better flush it down soon. Oho...I pulled the lever but nothing happened. oho...this couldn't be true....i tried again. Nothing. I started sweating now.

I guess Swedishfish wasn't home because her water was not working. She must have gone to the village to get a plumber.

What to do?

I fainted.
 
Scivillage day 67
Report Kunax - Tiger

Walking in circles I ended up back at Swedishfish tranquil forest hut, this time however the door was open, so I peeking inside. There was a foul oder comming from the left, so I took a right and ended up in the kitchen, where i search high and low in all the cabinets for something to eat, but found nothing worth eathing.

I was just about to give up find anything eatable when i manage to pry open a looked cabint. Inside was a big bag labeled "to spuriousmonkey" filled with muffins and several smaller bags with different kinds of tea.
Grabbing a bag of tea in my maw, i munched on it for a short while before finding out tea not was my cup of tea, so i spitting it back out and grabbed the muffin back insted and ran out the hut, sheading a few hair is i brushed by the door frame.

Running back to Nexus former hut, which I had converted into my own little hide out, after he had been put in the loonybin. I ripped open the bag, finding only a small note:

Code: 
2 Eggs
1½ dl Sugar
1 dl sirup
2 dl fromage frais
5 dl wheat flour
1 spsk. baging powder
75 gr. smelted butter
2 large bananers
75 gr. dark chokolade

And the ingredients that followed, a bit disapointed i ate most of the ingredients then cralled in under a large shelf I previously had toppled over.
 
i woke up...i don't know how long I have been out. A foul smell was attacking my nostrils. I then remembered my predicament. I troed to flush the toilet again. Nothing.

i went outside the toilet. I saw that the kitchen was all messed up. There were orange, white and black hairs all over. AHA, the same perpetrators had ravaged Swedishfish place. I would just leave quickly and hope she blamed the toilet sausage on the same evil criminals.
 
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