Scivillage

I was walking home and saw the tiger. I asked it if it had seen 3 men with orange, white and black hair. The tiger shook his head.

I thought that was weird because tigers only speak Chinese or something like that.
 
Met Spuriuesmonkey heading toward the village, he ask about something but i did not understand at first, so i shook my head tring to shake some life back in the the starving bablefish, but it was to late i only got the last part "hair".

Being the friendly tiger i am, I started making some nasty cougthing sound and soon a round juicy hairball wrapped in a piece of paper(see note above) was laying on the ground ready for picking. But all the time i could not help to think "The Human is insane, what ever does he want with hairballs".
 
MY DEAR GOD...

the tiger coughed up a fur ball...

it had orange, white and black hair in it.

THE TIGER HAD EATEN THE THIEVES.

I ran like greased lighting.
 
(lol did not see that one coming)

spuriousmonkey pick up the hairball, look at it a for brief moment then dropped it, turned around and ran away at the best speed his usually drunken legs could carry him. As i looked after him i wonder what that was about, then i saw he had forgotten to take the hairball with him, picking it up in my maw i ran after him, towards the village.

At spuriousmonkeys hut the door was closed and the shades pulled down, i could not find a way in. Then i noticed the mail slot in the door, it seem a bit small, but i might fit anyway i thougth, so a start trying to squish my head true the mail slot, but it was indeed to small and in the end i had to give up, only managing to get my thong true the door.

Looking at the mail slot again i got a new idea, I would press the hairball true the mail slot. It was not an easy job but with a little trial and error I finally manage to place the hairball in the mailslot, and with the help of my paws push it true.
As it fell to the floor on the other side, i could hear someone move closer on the other side, but peek true with my big yellow eyes i could nothing see in the dark room.

Before leaving, I took a few steps back, looked at the door again and made another eager attempt at squishing true the mailslot.
 
I was running like hell. I didn't dare to look around scared that I migth fall. But I knew that the tiger was close behind me. I could smell it breath. There was the scent of raw thief meat on it. I increased my speed with the desperation and grace of a thompson gazelle on speed.

I reached my hut safely and jammed the door shut, pulling down the shades. before I pulled down the last one I caught a glimpse of the tiger appraoching. I assumed it had trouble keeping up with me because it had three rather large thieves in its belly.

Oh No...it was trying to get through the mail slot. I was scanning the room for a weapon, but there was nothing. I had no possessions. I was looking for the telephone to call the police. I then remembered that I don't have a telephone and that scivillage doesn't have police.

The tiger was a sadist. It taunted me by pushing through another hairball in the mail slot.

WHY oh WHY did I have a mail slot? It is not as if I ever got any mail being an outcast. I would pay dearly for my obsessive desire for communication.

Oh No, it was trying to sqeeze its head through now. The fangs were glistening in the light. A roar filled the room.

I grabbed the largest bottle of scirum, and started to poor it in the tigers mouth. Soon it was empty. I took another bottle, and another, and another.

the tiger passed out. I couldn't open the door because the tiger was blocking it with its weight.


I was locked in.
 
(hey I passed out, how can I do anything if im passed out. How much does it take to get a tiger drunk anyway?, how much does it take to make it pass out?)

Spuriousmonkey had attempted to drown me as i tried to squeeze true the door, he poured bottle after bottle of scirum true the mailslot and i drank and drank more and more of the scirum , I started to fell all warm inside, things bagan to spin, then puff all went black.

Lying on the shady side of the hut Kunax the tiger was able to maintain a fairly low body tempertur as the sun neared its highest point, sending it potent beams of light down on Spuriousmonkey metal plated roof.
The metal plates absorbed the warming rays of the sun gettting hotter and hotter by the minute it semed, it must be nearing 323 kelvin inside the outcast hut, with nowhere to run and only scirum to drink, would the day end with a spurious wellcookedmonkey.
 
(sorry for making you pass out and not being able to do anything. I wasn't really thinking. Maybe I was still imagining that other people are also still participating in this thread)

It was getting hotter and hotter in my hut. The sun aws steadily climbing in the sky. Now I wished I hadn't chased the Airconditioning salesman away by throwing shit at him. But honestly I thought first he was a jehova witness. I normally use the throwing of shit as a mental test; are they determined enough to spread the word of the lord and hence worthy of my time?

The tiger was still there. There was nothing to drink. Not only was there no running water in swedishfish's hut. My tap also refused to let anything flow but air.

I eyed my scirum stock. I had a small sip.

I would escape through the window. Of course I had glued my windows shut a month ago, because the scirum had made me paranoid at one point. I took my desk and threw it through the glass, shattering it into thousand pieces. I jumped out of the window and howled in pain. I had jumped in glass and my feed were bleeding.

It didn't matter. I drank the bottle of scirum i was still clutching in my hand (i am usual clutching a bottle of scirum in at least one hand). The pain went away and I started running, although not it a straight line leaving a trail of blood behind.

I managed to run to another hut and sat down with my back against it. Something caught my eye next to me. NO WAY...my journal!!! But what had happened to it. It looked odd...
 
(nono, you got it wrong, no need for apoligies, i found it funny, perhaps i should use more emots :):):))
 
Waken by a loud bang I tried to get up, but my legs did not seem to listen. I tripped and fell several times before i finally manage to get up, standing with my legs well spaces i was able to keep my balance.

Smelling monkey blood, I looked up the see where it came from, everything began to spinning around and around, further away multiple spuriousmonkies was running down the street. I follow all the spuriousmonkies, perhaps they would share there monkey, perhaps they wanted to play, I staggered down the street after the spuriousmonkies, trying to keep my balance, not an easy task when you have 4 legs, each wanting to go in there own sepperat direction.

Finally after having hit just about every fence, lamppost and hedge along the way, in my chase after the spuriousmonkies, I reach the hut I seen them run behind.
Leaning up at the hut just around the corner, I gather a little strength before jumping out and surprising the spuriousmonkies. As i ran towards them, my legs once again failed to do what i wanted, sending me crashing to the ground in a indignifing belly landing in front of all the spuriousmonkies.

To tired to get up, i just lay there splattered out, looking at the spuriousmonkies, strangly they seem to join into 1 spuriousmonkey when i squeezed my eyes together only to reapper when I open my eyes fully again, ooh my head was beging to hurt, fealing tired and thirsty
 
My euphoria of reclaiming my 'time-paradox' journal did not last for very long. As I looked up the tiger was sitting in front of me. It was squinting its beady evil little eyes. A pure sign of aggression in the animal kingdom. The king of the jungle had come to claim its prize.

I had only one last wish. Another mouthful of scirum. Thankfully I still had my spare reserve backup bottle in my backpocket. I took it out and unscrewed the cap.

The tiger was watching my bottle intensively.

I wondered!?!
 
(better late then never ay )

Fealling thirsty i eyeballed spuriousmonkey's bottle with my big yellow and round tiger eyes, before deciding to crawl the finally distance over to where he was sitting with his back against the hut wall, cralling because my drunk legs refused to let me standup.

I sat up next to spuriousmonkey for a minute or 2 before I leaned in over him so i could grab the bottle with my mouth, unforthently as i leaned in over spuriousmonkey to take the bottle i lost my balance and fell forward in over him, knocking the bottle to the ground and pinning spuriousmonkey to the wall. Luckly the bottle did not fall to long, so i was able to lick up the scirum from the ground.

Mmm tasty i noticed some hallucinogenic frogs jumping aroind in the grass, I ate 1 and then another. Starting to drool like Homer Simpson i lay on top of spuriousmonkey legs enjoying the hallucinogenic effect of the frog, getting a little horny too.
 
The tiger had pinned me to the wall and started behaving more and more strangely. I saw it lick grass and eat a frog. I couldn't move because the tiger was lying on top of me. The tiger seemed to have enjoyed the frog. I took one too thinking it might be my last experience of my life. Wow...the sky had turned pink and the tiger blue. How it my little kitten doing...purring so nicely...

(My mind is a blank for a continuation...maybe someone can help us?)
 
... After a while, when the effect of the drug lessened, the monkey was the first one to regain conscience. As he, being used to drinking large amounts of scirum, was not so degradingly influenced by the effect of certain mind-altering substances as the poor tiger, who was still in the midst of his hazy nap, dreaming of dancing jive with Thompson gazellas and howling at the moon.

The trouble was that the monkey, still a bit dizzy though, had to crawl somehow from underneath the tiger. So how did he do it? Well, he used his imagination (which was, at this point, still running at a high pace due to the drug and the scirum), and went to his hut and brought a derrick-crane, lifted the tiger in the air, so that he could crawl from underneath it -- and he was a free man. (Yes, such things are possible, one must only believe.)

Then he decided that since the tiger will always be at the Scivillage, he has to take some actions, for he cannot go on spending his life in dire fear of the tiger. What was he to do? Frogs? Scirum? ... Well, for each cat, there is a mouse. Let's see!
 
Scivillage has grown to a big town, my hookers are making me very wealthy.

I've been vacationing in LasVegas, New York, Los Angeles, all to find the best looking girls for scivillage, I'm proud to announse the opening of 2 more bordellos, I will be taking applications for bouncers, clean up crew, and good cooks, as my girl live in residence of their work.

Godless. :D
 
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(hehe good posts :))

Dreaming on, spuriousmonkey had a vivid dream of spinning the tiger around and around on the derrick crane, like it was some sort of maypole, Around and around the tiger went, purring with delight, its purring rising and falling in volume as it came closer, passed by and went a away again, around and around.

(I was wondering RosaMagika, how did you find your way in here?)
 
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(really, i never imagine that, I click links to get here its amazing :), how about a spin)

In spuriousmonkies dream world the derrick crane suddenly stopped its spinning, grinding to a halt allowing the tiger time for a much needed breather. Just then RosaMagika came jumping into spuriousmonkies dream, from a window in the hut he was using as a backrest.

Spuriousmonkey watch RosaMagika, wonding how she suddenly had apperet in his dream, when the crane suddenly started to change and deform. It twisted and turned in to a giant T, the tiger attached to a smaller pole at the bottom. Spuriousmonkey and RosaMagika looked on in amazement as the craned twisted in to its final form, when two new lines sprung from the ends of the T, 1 on each side. The lines flew down from the top of the T and attaching them self to Spuriousmonkey and RosaMagika, then shrinked, hoisting them up into the air a few meters.

As they hung there, wondering for a second or 2, then a Thompson Gazelle came bouncing in to the clearing, the tiger immediately gave chase, wanting to dance and play with the gazelle. The tiger and gazelle ran around and around, the tiger bound the the bottom of the T made spuriousmonkey and RosaMagika bound the top spin around, faster and faster as the tiger and gazelle increase the pace of there dance.
 
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I think I was tripping. The tiger and rosie were talking about cranes. How did Rosie join the party. I hope she brought a joint. Maybe it was not a good idea to drink scirum, eat a toad, and then munch on some mushrooms at the same time. It seemed highly potent stuff mixed together in my belly which started inflating with alarming speed. Soon it looked like i was pregnant, but it didn't stop there. My belly kept growing until it resembled more a weatherballoon, and then an original Hydrogen filled German Zeppelin. The tiger tried to light a joint. I tried to say no, but it came out in slow motion. The sparks ignited my zeppelin belly but instead of a giant fireball, a million butterflies were released from my belly. That was nice until I noticed that they were flapping there wings too much. I told them to stop, but it was too late. The flapping of their wings had caused a storm in China. The storm had blown all chinese high in the air and they became suspended in the stratosphere. The sky turned yellow. It then started raining yellow droplets. That was suspicious. I saw myself turning into the Hulk and lift the tiger with one hand. I dropped him. And ran to the public toilet with my pants already down. That was not good. Not even the hulk can run with his pants down.

I eventually arrived at the toilets, but Prince Charles was sitting in my cublicle. Since I was still the Hulk I ripped the door away, threw it into space and took Prince Charles by the ears and yanked him of my royal throne of defecation.

I could hear angels singing. I saw the tiger moving with Rosie on his back. I yelled at them. I couldn't understand my own words, but they looked suprised so I think they did. I wrote with a pen on my hand: 'ask'.
 
(ROTFL, boys, that's amazing!)

So the Tiger and me were going our way, the way cats do, not really recognizing Spuriousmonkey, as he turned into the Hulk. (Pince Charles was sobbing on the floor, cursing his wretched-dom -- but nobody bothered to listen to him. Why would they.)

The Hulk, once Spuriousmonkey, yelled something at us, but we couldn't really understand it -- the whole thing seemed like a glitch in the matrix. (So the Tiger and I were only wishing that Keanu Reeves wouldn't show up in Scivillage, for then we'd be accursed beyond comparison.)

Anyhow, being curious, and not afraid of anything, the Tiger and I went to meet the Hulk. He definitely was having a moment. His position, his posture commanded respect. We were in awe. Struck by the magificence of his appearance. The poor Tiger now seemed like a little kitty, and I was a plain pot flower.

We saw that Hulk was wanting to ask us something, so we perked our ears and listened.
 
If possible Hulk was even more green then usual in his head, as we came closer he leaned forward, his head comming closer to ours, the he exhaled "huuuuuuuuuaaaaaaarrrrrg it a biggy"

(sry, couldn't resist)
 
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