Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
sculptor
Valued Senior Member
my grandson asked me to explain women to him, so i bought him an x-box game that had a sega controller for his ps3
As a young man(long ago) I once remarked that if I ever understood women, it would most likely be on the day that I died, as the shock of it would probably kill me.
awesome!!!
... unless it's not intentional and you have a tapeworm or something
i just dropped 3o-35 depending on which VA scale you want to believe by being diabetic and not being able to eat ice cream or sweets... (or breads unless they're whole grain and limited, or crackers, or sugar)
personally, i say F*CK the diet and gimme back the ice cream! who wants to live without ice cream?
sheesh
i've always hoped i would die either by being shot by a jealous husband or in my sleep like grandpa (and not screaming like all the passengers on his airplane)
AND NOW... a public service announcement that is also funny!
Hehe, it is quite intentional - my wife and I are following a Ketogenic Diet - High Fat, Mid Protein, Low Carb. I can't complain - blood work is damn near perfect (cholesterol is a little low, blood pressure is a little high, that's about it, and I still have about 40 pounds to lose, which should resolve the slight hypertension) and the food is damn tasty
Has anyone ever been through alligator alley in Florida? it used to be a two lane road with no place to pull out for breaks or bathroom... and this sign, of course
LMFAO
LMFAO
good for you! - keep me posted on how it works, will you?
wife put me on a modified Fuhrman diet for diabetes - i don't follow it exactly as i have a high protein intake and i like my vegetables already digested in my prey - LMFAO
but i follow it fairly well. dropped my A1C by 2 solid points back to the normal range in just 6 months, and my blood sugars are in the normal range when i test, so something must be OK
A 75 year old man walked into a crowded doctors waiting room
The receptionist ask
Why would you like to see the doctor today?
There's something wrong with my dick
The receptionist said
Sir you shouldn't embarrass all these people in the waiting room like that
You should say I have something wrong with my ear and I want to talk to the doctor about it in private
OK I'll be back when I've done some shopping
Shortly later the man returns
The receptionist ask
Why would you like to see the doctor today sir?
There's something wrong with my ear
What seems to be the problem sir?
I can't piss out of it
The waiting room erupted in laughter
The receptionist ask
Why would you like to see the doctor today?
There's something wrong with my dick
The receptionist said
Sir you shouldn't embarrass all these people in the waiting room like that
You should say I have something wrong with my ear and I want to talk to the doctor about it in private
OK I'll be back when I've done some shopping
Shortly later the man returns
The receptionist ask
Why would you like to see the doctor today sir?
There's something wrong with my ear
What seems to be the problem sir?
I can't piss out of it
The waiting room erupted in laughter
That reminds me of a time I was hitch hiking in Florida at night. I was on the side of a narrow 2 lane highway against a bridge when I barely saw an alligator by moonlight a couple meters away. I wouldn't be too worried about 1 alligator but there may have been more I could not see. If I'd had to deal with the 1, I might stumble over others. Fortunately, traffic was light & I ran across the bridge & a half mile on.
Further on I was against another bridge with no walkway & then traffic was heavy when I heard rattlesnakes to my side & in front. I could not tell exactly where they were. I could not go back the way I came, I could not cross the bridge or the highway. Fortunately a car pulled over & picked me up.
<>
wow
i don't know what was crazier: hitchhiking in FL or the wild life you ran in to!
i rather liked FL at night, but i hate the heat
meh
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