Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
Con is the opposite of pro. Is congress the opposite of progress?
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends.
<>
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends.
<>
I've hit the grass ceiling. I can go only as high as my pot will take me.
<>
<>
Man walks into the doctors with a frog on his head
Doctor asked
How did you get that?
Frog replied
It started as a pimple on my arse
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room."
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush."
<>
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room."
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush."
<>
Last edited by a moderator:
my grandson asked me to explain women to him, so i bought him an x-box game that had a sega controller for his ps3
Happy Valentines to you
Reminded me of that spoof movie about penguins
As you see two penguins walking over the snow wasteland
She says "I need more space"
He says "We live outside. How much more space do you need?"
I cannot like some of these posts because there is no like button on them.
<>
<>