Jokes and Funny Stories II

'TRUE STORY'(From Bangladesh)

Three roommates. They are friends too. One day they found someone is stealing their money, rice, tobacco, shoes etc. So they are not believing each other. But who is it(thief) ?

After somedays they caught the thief and three roommates were so exited of anger. So they decided to teach the thief a good lesson.

Then one friend said to his two friends ' hold the ******* , I will give electric shock in his mouth.

Friends said 'Ok, we are ready'

So he gave electric shock to thief but all of them felt horrible electric shock.

Over excitement and anger taught them all a good lesson.
 
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Children of previous generation.


And...


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Children of the generation.
 
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Dr_Toad said:
When is a Jewish baby considered viable?

When he gets his medical degree..
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just got this one from your site, BOSS


The Tie Sale


A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”
The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”

“Sorry, I have none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.” said the little old Jewish man.

“Pahh! A curse on your ties. I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”

“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me ‘Infidel’. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace!”

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”
 
R1D2 said:
I've been reading what comes in email.
Thought id find away on and post this....

It's All In the "Good Book" -------------------------

In my mature years, I’m finally beginning to understand the Bible! For those who haven’t heard, the State of Washington just passed two laws:

* Same-sex Marriage * Legalized Marijuana

The fact that same-sex marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

I just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.....
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R1D2 said:
I've been reading what comes in email.
Thought id find away on and post this....

It's All In the "Good Book" -------------------------

In my mature years, I’m finally beginning to understand the Bible! For those who haven’t heard, the State of Washington just passed two laws:

* Same-sex Marriage * Legalized Marijuana

The fact that same-sex marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

I just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.....
Click to expand...
its a good thing bible didn't a word about woman lying with another woman....
 
KALA DHAAN

FRIEND 1: Who have more money in the world ?

FRIEND 2: I think.... they are some of Indians. They earn more money than others in the world.

FRIEND 1: Really !?

FRIEND 2: YES ! They earn more money and burn it you know !

FRIEND 1: :D That is KALA DHAAN (Black money). Those idiots were not able to hide that.
 
I am of Irish and Welsh decent.
I dont take offence at Irish jokes but they seemed to have disappeared. PC perhaps.

Two Irishmen workers were told to replace the rope on the flag pole.
One said "Now how can we do that?"
The other said "We can lay it on the ground and measure it"
The other replied "Dont be silly we need its height not its length"

The police asked Paddy if he would like a cup of tea.
"How do you have it" he was asked.
"Well I have it black without the cream but if you dont have the cream I will have it without the milk"

And on the bottom of all beer bottles we read.. "Please open other end"

Alex
 
I never met my Irish grand mother but was told about the time she and others were inspecting a house that had its roof removed such that only walls remained.
She apparently said" This is so strange here we are on the inside but really we are outside"
It somehow reminded me of the tea without the milk.
I only recently discovered my Irish heritage which in reflection was a good thing because I never got involved in the movement, which I no doubt would have.
I do meet many Australians who have Irish in them and we sortta look alike and I often wonder how far back we need go to find we are related.
Alex
 
the other day i saw a dragon trying to blow his birthday candles out...
******************

i heard that in detroit someone gets stabbed every 53 seconds....
i would hate to be that guy
 
Fred was a tuff man not always known for being particulary smart but honest and hard working.

He lived in the forest and very good with an axe.

Fred had worn out his best axe and went to the hardware store in town to buy another axe.
The salesman showed Fred the axes he had in stock and got into a conversation with Fred.
"So how many trees do you cut down Fred? "

" Oh maybe 20 to 30 a day" Fred replies.

"Fred why dont you get a chain saw? "

" whats a chain saw? " asked Fred.

" Here you go Fred this is the lastest chain saw it will enable you to cut 100 trees down a day"

"ok I will take it" says Fred "but I will be back if it does not do what you say"


The following week Fred comes back with the chain saw and complains to the sales clerk.

"Mate I used it for a week and I could only cut down 50 trees a day"

The sales clerk says " thats odd let me have a look at it"

The sales clerk looks at the saw places it on the ground and pulls the cord and starts it first pull.


Fred jumps back in shock and shouts "what the hell is all that noise?"

Alex
 
Fred cleared some land fenced it and purchase some cows.

At the pub he asked around if anyone could get him a bull.

The publican said "Fred you dont need a bull just talk to the vet he does artificial insemination"

Well the vet was having a beer as well so Fred bought him a beer and asked if the vet could do the job without a bull.

"Sure"says the vet "I will call by tomorrow, put the cows in the yard and have some hot water and towels handy"

"done, see you in the morning" says Fred

The next day the vet arrives and asks
"So Fred have you rounded up the cows? "

" yes" Fred replies.

"And have you got the hot water and towels ready" asks the vet.

Fred proudly answers " yes, everything is ready for you just like you asked and another thing.. There is a nail on the back of the door to hang up your pants"

Alex
 
This latest string of "jokes" is in pretty poor taste all around. Are you guys proud of yourselves, attaching your names to these on a public forum?
 
James R said:
This latest string of "jokes" is in pretty poor taste all around. Are you guys proud of yourselves, attaching your names to these on a public forum?
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anecdote:
My 1st wife was Italian----so Columbus Day----and a street fair--and I picked up a button which proclaimed:
"I'm proud to be Italian"
---so, a friend said: "But you're not Italian"
---i responded: "I know, but everyone needs to be proud of something".
---
 
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