This blonde was one of the blonde s who were walking either side of a river
She called over to the other blonde
"How do I get to the other side?"
Other blonde looked at her strangely
"You are already there"
Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
She called over to the other blonde
"How do I get to the other side?"
Other blonde looked at her strangely
"You are already there"
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to commit suicide?
There were bullet-holes in the mirror.
---------
A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time.
The blonde took longer to hit the ground because she stopped to ask for directions.
There were bullet-holes in the mirror.
---------
A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time.
The blonde took longer to hit the ground because she stopped to ask for directions.
so, this blonde gets tired of all the tired old cliche jokes about how stupid blondes are and goes to college.
She manages to get multiple PhD's and several additional Masters degrees while teaching and lecturing all over the planet.
One day, as she drove through rural America, she noticed a blonde in the middle of a farmers hayfield sitting in a rowboat trying to row across the field.
The PhD blonde gets angry and pulled her car over. She carefully turns on her flashers and checks the road for traffic, then exits and crosses the road.
As she gets to the fence, she is fuming.
she starts to yell at the other blonde "It's blonde's like you who give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and kick your *ss!"
(I used to collect blonde jokes and send them to my very pale skinned, naturally blonde daughter! in turn, she sent me short jokes and told me I was the same height as a garden gnome! LMFAO)
She manages to get multiple PhD's and several additional Masters degrees while teaching and lecturing all over the planet.
One day, as she drove through rural America, she noticed a blonde in the middle of a farmers hayfield sitting in a rowboat trying to row across the field.
The PhD blonde gets angry and pulled her car over. She carefully turns on her flashers and checks the road for traffic, then exits and crosses the road.
As she gets to the fence, she is fuming.
she starts to yell at the other blonde "It's blonde's like you who give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and kick your *ss!"
(I used to collect blonde jokes and send them to my very pale skinned, naturally blonde daughter! in turn, she sent me short jokes and told me I was the same height as a garden gnome! LMFAO)
A travelling salesman is talking to a farmer when a tractor pulls into the yard, driven by a pig. The pig parks the tractor in the shed and goes into the house.
The salesman says, "Did I just see what I thought I saw? A pig driving a tractor?"
"Oh yeah," the farmer says, "He can handle all of the equipment. He does all of the repairs and maintenance too. He even does the books for the farm."
"That's amazing," the salesman says. "Uh, I couldn't help but notice, he has a wooden leg."
"Yeah," the farmer nods, "When you've got a good pig like that, you don't want to eat him all at once."
The salesman says, "Did I just see what I thought I saw? A pig driving a tractor?"
"Oh yeah," the farmer says, "He can handle all of the equipment. He does all of the repairs and maintenance too. He even does the books for the farm."
"That's amazing," the salesman says. "Uh, I couldn't help but notice, he has a wooden leg."
"Yeah," the farmer nods, "When you've got a good pig like that, you don't want to eat him all at once."
A man walks into a pub and he sees two men at the bar, talking.
"Do you want a drink, Donkey?" Says one man to the other.
A short time later the man repeats himself, "Get the drinks in, Donkey. Come on, Donkey, get the drinks in, get the drinks in Donkey."
When the man goes to the toilet, the man who entered the bar says to Donkey, "That's disgusting, the way that man keeps calling you Donkey. I think it's disgraceful."
Donkey says, "Oh, he-aw, he-aw, he always calls me that."
"Do you want a drink, Donkey?" Says one man to the other.
A short time later the man repeats himself, "Get the drinks in, Donkey. Come on, Donkey, get the drinks in, get the drinks in Donkey."
When the man goes to the toilet, the man who entered the bar says to Donkey, "That's disgusting, the way that man keeps calling you Donkey. I think it's disgraceful."
Donkey says, "Oh, he-aw, he-aw, he always calls me that."
sculptor
Valued Senior Member
ok enough of that-----now tell us the real joke---the one with the farmer's daughter(s)
A travelling salesman asks a farmer if he can stay for the night. The farmer says, "Okay, but you'll have to share a bed with my daughter."
The salesman thinks that doesn't sound too bad.
Then the farmer adds, "The catch is... you have to make love to my daughter more often than I make love to my wife."
The salesman shrugs and agrees to give it a try.
In bed with the farmer's daughter, he marks a "1" on the wall. Half and hour later, he goes to it again and marks another "1" on the wall. Finally, an hour later, he's exhausted but he does it one more time and marks another "1" on the wall.
In the morning, the farmer comes into the room and looks at the wall. "A hundred and eleven, eh? Hmpf. Beat me by one."
You used that image without permission. Tut tut.
sculptor
Valued Senior Member
yeh
OOPS
It ain't the first time I've done that and it won't be the last.
However, I did link to Erik Verlinde's lecture wherein i found the image.................
maybe he had permission, and i thereby had it by proxy?
Erik Verlinde seems to have an interesting perspective
?
..............................
Is the internet to be construed as "public domain"?
When you think of King Tut, do you think of Steve Martin or Vincent Buono?
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
Well, he's my favourite honky, so....
Have you ever heard of a danger w&nk?
It's when you get to the point when you're about to cum, and you shout, "MUM!"
It's when you get to the point when you're about to cum, and you shout, "MUM!"
Have you ever been caught sniffing your Mother's knickers?
No.
You must be good at it then.
No.
You must be good at it then.
From an old Arthur Askey movie:
He also did this one, which you may have heard before:
Customer: You've got your thumb in the butter!
Waiter: Well, I don't want it to fall on the floor again.
Waiter: Well, I don't want it to fall on the floor again.
He also did this one, which you may have heard before:
Customer: Do you have any wild duck?
Waiter: No, but I've got a tame one. I could aggravate him for you.
Waiter: No, but I've got a tame one. I could aggravate him for you.
DaveC426913
Valued Senior Member
"You done stoled mah brother's pocket watch!"
"I didn't steal it, I borrowed it. And remember, this is the same brother that was fixin' to turn us in."
"But you didn't know that when you stole his pocket watch!"
"Then I borrowed it 'ntil I did know!"
- Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
"I didn't steal it, I borrowed it. And remember, this is the same brother that was fixin' to turn us in."
"But you didn't know that when you stole his pocket watch!"
"Then I borrowed it 'ntil I did know!"
- Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
Found on net old black/white TV shows from Red Skelton Bob Hope and others but no English Tony Handcock yet
You can download some episodes of Hancock's Half Hour from https://archive.org/search.php?query=hancock's half hourFound on net old black/white TV shows from Red Skelton Bob Hope and others but no English Tony Handcock yet
Don't wear Russian underpants or Chernobyl fall-out.