Precisely. We are a social species and that requires communication.
To take an extreme example, do I need to get a notarised permission to say to someone - quite forcefully - "Look out, there's a truck!" In a more mundane situation should I feel offended if someone stops to ask me for directions, or declares "Isn't it a lovely day", or - while gazing down at the Thames from Hammersmith bridge - says "I love to look at the flow of the water. Do you ever pause to reflect on it?"
In each instance I have the option to ignore them completely, tell them to ****-off, give a polite yet non-committal reply, or seek to extend the conversation further. In none of these instances have my rights, or those of the person addressing me been violated. They may suffer disappointment at some of the responses, but that's life.
On the other hand if the conversation initiator says "How big is your dick?", or "Those tits are massive!", then the recipient of the question/remark is entitled to feel offended. If it happens down a dark alleyway at 2.00 am they are entitled to feel threatened.
Context and content are everything.
Do you understand the simple fact that women are completely unaware how these approaches are going to end when they either ignore or tell the fellow to "****-off", give "a polite yet non-committal reply"? Do you understand the threat we face in these situations? Comparing someone commenting to you about how the River Thames might look from a bridge, or how the water looks, to someone looking at a woman like she is an object placed there for his pleasure is interesting. But hardly new.
For example, a man approaches a woman asks her out for a date. She's walking down the street, he is a complete stranger to her. He has apparently exercised his rights to speak to her in the public arena in this way. He becomes quite pestering and she turns him down. This is a fairly common occurrence when it comes to street harassment. Men, complete strangers, sidle up to women and ask them out on a date. You believe that she has a few options. The issue that you and others are failing to recognise, for reasons known only to yourselves, is that at that point in time, she has no idea how it will end when she either tells him to "fuck off" or gives a polite no or "non-committal reply". At all. So she needs to be exceptionally careful about how she responds or if she responds at all or not. Because she has no idea if this fellow is going to simply "disappointed". It can end up going several ways. He can simply walk off. He can call her names. He can grab her. Or he can do what this guy did to a young woman
when she said "no":
A similar situation recently unfolded in New York City, according to the New York Post. Police say that a man in Queens started pestering a 26-year-old to go on a date with him, but she turned him down. He reportedly became enraged, grabbed her, and slashed her neck with a blade. She was rushed to the hospital in critical condition but is expected to survive.
No,
Sir, these approaches are not "mundane". Far from it. Men who do this aren't wearing shirts with their true intention plastered on the front. Nor are there neon signs hanging over their heads giving the women who go through this on a daily basis, a hint of what he might do.
You think these sorts of things only happen at 2:00am when she's walking down a dark alley by herself perhaps? How about a woman walking out of the funeral of a close friend, with her partner by her side and surrounded by people she knows, in broad daylight, when a complete stranger approaches her and asks her out? You know, not infringing on her rights and perhaps entitling her "to feel offended"..
In Detroit, witnesses say that a 27-year-old mother of three named Mary Spears was harassed by a man after leaving the funeral of a family friend. He was asking for her number, which she refused to give to him because she was in a relationship. But the man wouldn’t leave her alone. Once her fiancee tried to intervene, the man opened fire, killing Spears and wounding five other people.
“What was on your mind that you could be so evil,” Spears’ aunt told a local Fox affiliate. “Because she said no to you?”
And you are going to tell me that they are pretty much only entitled to feel threatened if it's in a dark alley at 2:00am? But that if it is during the day, they are "entitled to feel offended"? Do you have any idea what it is like for women who suffer street harassment that you feel they should only be entitled to feel threatened if it's in a dark alley at night and she's alone, but only entitled to feel offended at other times?
Here is a description of how women find themselves having to live their lives so that men can exercise their rights:
Head down, look straight ahead. Earbuds in, volume off. Walk quickly, but with purpose. Don't make eye contact unless you need to. Look behind you every few blocks, make sure you're not being followed. Don't be obvious.
It's not nighttime. You're not in a known drug zone, or the sketchy part of town.
This is simply how many women steel themselves when walking down a city street in broad daylight, or even when boarding crowded public transportation. Why? Because many women, regardless of age, weight, or appearance, say they've heard something along the lines of "Hey baby, you want some of this?" or "I like what I see" or "nice ass."
All of those statements are sexual harassment. And while some men might consider them compliments, to many women, they are a threat.
We are lucky if he walks away or just calls us names. Do you have any idea how many times simply ignoring these kinds of approaches has had the man try to grab my hand, arm, backside or even my hair? Or being groped on the train? I've lost count, to be honest. And I consider myself lucky that this is all they were able to try to do. In broad daylight, at 7:30am on a busy city street as I am hurrying to the office. It got so bad, that I had to wear running shoes, not because they are more comfortable to walk in, but because it allowed me to run comfortably and easily if the need arose, which it had on a few occasions. I had to stop wearing skirts to work, instead carrying my skirt in my bag, along with my shoes and change when I got to work.
Or is that simply a "that's life"
thing that I should simply have to put up with on a daily basis so that men can continue to exercise their right to harass me and other women? Because my right to not feel threatened is non-existent, yes? My right to walk down a street without fear should not exist, because a man's right to sexually harass and act in a threatening manner toward me trump's any of my rights? Some suggest that "
women might choose to walk with a friend or in groups, and practice "basic personal safety protocols.".. I shit thee not, that is from a police officer in response to women being harassed. Apparently we walk alone at our own risk.
Our right to walk alone on a street apparently falls below a man's right to harass and act in a threatening manner. But hey, that's fair, right? As a woman, I don't have the right to not be spoken to or approached in public, even if said approach and person who is doing it, poses a threat to my safety, so I apparently should only walk on a street in a group with other people and "practice basic personal safety protocols".. Which include, I might add, walking with "head down", eyes straight ahead, if leaving ipod earbuds in but no sound, so I can hear everything going on around me, making sure to walk quickly and "with purpose", not making any eye contact unless absolutely necessary and keep checking behind me to make sure I am not being followed by a guy who just catcalled me or any other guy who may have decided to follow me. And don't stand out or do or wear something that might make me stand out, not to mention wearing shoes I can run in.. The onus remains on me to not be harassed, instead of on the man to not harass.
The belief among some who are posting in this thread, that this isn't really an issue, that it isn't threatening is so short sighted that it is frankly astonishing. It may not be my right to not be spoken to in a public space, but it is my right to not be threatened. And street harassment is threatening by its very nature, in every single sense of the word.
I feel despair when reading and participating in this thread and in other threads on subjects that discuss rape, for example. Because it shows the absolute extent to which some men simply
do not get it. Worse yet, the men who do not get it are men I once thought were intelligent and thoughtful.
