well in my respect, my BF's ex misses doesnt want him back and doesnt pine after him all the time,
Would you let your wife have guy friends?
- Thread starter pineapplepizza
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well in my respect, my BF's ex misses doesnt want him back and doesnt pine after him all the time,
Pandaemoni
Valued Senior Member
Jealousy is perfectly natural, but if one feels so strongly that one actually "forbids" his or her significant other from having friends of the opposite sex, then that relationship need some work.
First of all, being married to someone does not make you the boss of them, so the notion of "letting" my wife have male friends is out the window. I could no more "let" her have male friends than I could "permit" her to have a career. So far as I know, she retains her right to control her life ring or no ring.
Second, forbidding her from having male friends would clearly be a strategy for preventing her from finding other romantic and sexual attachments that might threaten my position. If I am afraid that will happen, then clearly I need to step up my game in the relationship. Better that I improve my performance within the relationship than simply making her life less pleasant by trying to restrict who she can speak with.
That kind of thinking is why women in the Middle East are required to wear hijabs and burqas. Men were so afraid of the competition and their own inadequacies that it led to this:
As I said, jealousy is a natural emotion, and there is no shame in feeling it. Giving in to that jealousy (and foisting the responsibility for ameliorating it onto one's spouse), that is something the rational part of our brains can prevent.
First of all, being married to someone does not make you the boss of them, so the notion of "letting" my wife have male friends is out the window. I could no more "let" her have male friends than I could "permit" her to have a career. So far as I know, she retains her right to control her life ring or no ring.
Second, forbidding her from having male friends would clearly be a strategy for preventing her from finding other romantic and sexual attachments that might threaten my position. If I am afraid that will happen, then clearly I need to step up my game in the relationship. Better that I improve my performance within the relationship than simply making her life less pleasant by trying to restrict who she can speak with.
That kind of thinking is why women in the Middle East are required to wear hijabs and burqas. Men were so afraid of the competition and their own inadequacies that it led to this:
As I said, jealousy is a natural emotion, and there is no shame in feeling it. Giving in to that jealousy (and foisting the responsibility for ameliorating it onto one's spouse), that is something the rational part of our brains can prevent.
Thoreau
Valued Senior Member
Well, as a homosexual male, I cannot answer this exact question.
All I can say, however, is that if my boyfriend decided he wanted to ever have other gay males as friends that I would be slightly concerned over it if I didn't know these males personally. Though I could never control his actions or choices, I would make it very clear that I would not feel comfortable with the situation and surely would attempt at my best to keep them from associating while I am not there.
It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend because I do know he loves me very much, but I simply view as a situation that would cause unnecessary stress and conflict.
It's a matter of respect. I would never put him in that situation and I would expect him to never put me in it either. :shrug:
All I can say, however, is that if my boyfriend decided he wanted to ever have other gay males as friends that I would be slightly concerned over it if I didn't know these males personally. Though I could never control his actions or choices, I would make it very clear that I would not feel comfortable with the situation and surely would attempt at my best to keep them from associating while I am not there.
It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend because I do know he loves me very much, but I simply view as a situation that would cause unnecessary stress and conflict.
It's a matter of respect. I would never put him in that situation and I would expect him to never put me in it either. :shrug:
why? In case they were criminals and they might rob you blind?
Thoreau
Valued Senior Member
lol No, because I have my insecurities and don't trust people easily. I'm also very protective (not controlling) of people I care about. Should anyone step over their allotted boundaries, I would be quick to act. I live by the definition of respect. I respect those who deserve it and request the same in return. If some guy comes up to my BF and hits on him, full well knowing that he is with me, it is not only disrespecting my BF but me as well. And I don't tolerate being purposely disrespected.
:shrug:
If a guy hits on me, I don't expect my husband to do anything. I can handle it. But if a guy grabs me (like pinching my butt) I expect my husband to do something. But he's usually out of his chair in a full roar before the guy knows what hit him. Its nice to know that he gives a damn and doesn't shrug it off. Or blame me like "what did you do to make him grab your ass"
Thoreau
Valued Senior Member
I agree.
I have a "3 strikes and you're out" rule with my BF and anyone who dares to approach in flirtatiously verbal manner.
Someone hits on him once, I make a gesture (holding my BF's hand or something along those lines) to show that he is off limits.
Should the guy pursue further, I then say something to the guy. Strike two.
Should the guy pursue even further, strike three. It is then that talking goes out the window.
Now if any guy touching my BF in a personal manner, there is very little talking whatsoever other than to tell the guy to back off for the safety of his own health. If he gets an attitude with me telling me to F-off or something, I make it physically clear that he made a big mistake.
EDIT Just reminded me of the time I threw some guy into the window of a bar because he kissed my BF on his neck. I immediately went up to the guy, told him to back off and walk away. He replied "Whatever, he's going home with me tonight." Sooooooo... being really aggrevated, I grabbed the guy and threw him head first into the window. Didn't break it, just cracked it a bit. But I am good friends with the bar owner so nothing happened.
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My main idea is would a man have trouble with his wife having lesbian friends & would a woman have trouble with her husband having gay male friends?
If your partner's straight then you wouldn't really have much to worry about in that respect.
Why would they if they are straight?
I could really care less if I was married and my wife had guy friends. I would most certainly still like to have lady-friends!
If your significant other is spending more time with another person than you, and hell, having *sex* with them, then I'd argue that you no longer have an intimate relationship with your significant other.
What are you talking about??? :bugeye:
I think everyone here would have a problem if their
significant other was having sex with someone else.
That's not what the OP asked though.
I wasn't responding to the OP. That's precisely why I quoted swarm in my response.