My husband knows me well enough to know that I would never stay silent with something like that. And he trusts me to always do the right thing.. So he didn't have to say anything. Except when buying a new lounge suite.. then noooo.. he needs to go and plant his backside and give his opinion.
LOL
Of course my husband knew that my then friend was disrespecting him as an individual and as my boyfriend (we weren't yet married and had just moved in together). But he respected himself more than to get into an argument with another man who was, quite clearly, beneath him in the manner in which he acted. He didn't want to lower himself to trading insults. Since this guy was my friend and had been my friend for years, I told him to naff off (so to speak) and in doing so, sent a clear message to him and to my husband.
I guess in that situation since the guy was your friend, I'd have probably sat back and let you handle it yourself too. But had it been any other guy that knew we were together, it would have been on.
I guess it's just the Marine in me that has that mentality.
And there wouldn't be any insult trading. It would have been me chewing his ass out and him standing there listening to it.
And if he did say something, I'd find something to say (as I have that talent) to push his buttons to the point where he'd want to take a swing at me.
Now granted, everything I would say to him would be addressed in a tactful manner.
It would probably be something like this:
"Hey, you mind telling me why you are not only hitting on my woman right in front of my face, you're also disrespecting me as a person? HUH? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
ORRRR, I could be a bit more sinister and just be quiet as he made his comments and wait until she was out of earshot, then go up to him and say:
Dude, that was most disrespectful, to both me and her. If I hear of you making anymore passes at her and especially if you disrespect me again, you and I are going to have major problems that will most likely result in you getting a beat down. Do you understand me?
Then if he tries to tell her that I said that, I will deny it. And if I stayed quiet during that time he hit on her, she's not going to be inclined to believe him anyway.
But there's nothing you can do about it, is there? You can't prevent it from happening. You can only react after the fact. You can do the whole "I'm the man" thing and beat him up or abuse him, but that just lowers you to his level. After all, what kind of person does something like hit on a woman who is taken while her partner is right there next to her? She should do the right thing and refuse and tell the individual to walk away. The put down is more painful from the woman he's trying to hit on than her partner balking or exploding.. Guys who do stuff like that want the confrontation.. they think have something to prove. I think it's best to deny them that kind of gratification.
I won't deny that I would love confrontation in that aspect, but it's not because I had something to prove.
I'm real big on courtesy, politeness and respect where it's warranted. I believe respect is earned not given. But I am not the type of person that can stand there and allow someone to disrespect me and not say something about it. I just can't. I consider disrespect as a symbolic slap in the face. I dunno about you Bells, but if someone slaps me in the face, I'm not just gonig to stand there. They are getting slapped back.
I also think that is a two way street. There will be some things with her that you will have to work around. Both need to compromise and both need to accept the other as they are.
You take the package as it is and work around it.. you don't try to change who the person is.
You are very correct. That's exactly why I'm not married. I know who I am and refuse to change. Unfortunately, women tend to expect you to change (they disguise it by calling it 'compromise') when you are in a relationship.
Many, many people do Bells. I've seen it firsthand. Some settle because they are afraid of being alone. Some settle because they don't have the patience to wait for someone who is compatible with them. Some settle because they have a low opinion of themselves and think they can't get any better. Very sad.
Look, we are all different and would all react differently to that kind of thing. At the end of the day, if you can't trust her to do the right thing, then that proves that there are bigger issues in the relationship that needs to be dealt with.
Yes we are. But if I was in a relationship and was as far along as you were when that happened, I think I'd be at the point of knowing whether or not the girl was trustworthy.
Now, all that off topic stuff said, if I can trust her to have guy friends, she better damn well show me the same trust with female friends.
