Jokes
An American, a Jew and an Indian are all 3 sentenced to death. The judge tells them: "I am a good guy, so I will allow you to choose the way you want to die...". The American says: "Hang me, just like in the Old West"; they hang him, he dies... Then the Jew said: "I want you to put me in an oven, kill me like Hitler killed my ancestors!"; they cook him, he dies... The Indian comes laughing and the judge reminds him: "there is nothing funny about death you know..."...the Indian apologizes and says he wants to be infected with the most dangerous form of HIV/AIDS...they inject it and the Indian bursts out laughing: "HA! HA! I am not going to die...! I was wearing a condom!!"
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven
Hitler stands in front of a cannon with some jews. He tells the first one: Spread your arms and jump into the cannon! The jew jumps and dies. Then he tells the second one: Touch your toes with your hands and jump into the canon! The jew jumps and dies, too. He tells the third one: Put your arms in the air and jump into the canon! Suddenly, Hitlers mother appears, yelling at him: Adolf, stop playing tetris with those jews!!!
What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork
Why do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.
An old jew bitch was walking her grandson down the beach when a huge wave came up and washed the little boy out to sea. The old woman shook her fist at the sky and cursed God for 20 minutes for taking her only grandson. Finally God couldn't stand the irritating bitch anymore and he sent another wave that set the boy, unharmed, gently back at her feet. After a quick search of the boy she shook her fist at the sky and shrieked, "He had 50 cents in his pocket when you took him!"
A nigger bitch gets Section 8 "scatter housing" from HUD in a nice neighborhood.
The neighbors are a bit leery of her and her horde of kids at first, but one of them eventually introduces herself and exchanges pleasantries.
"What are your boys' names," inquires the neighbor. "Darnell," replies the missing link.
"What are the other boys' names?" asks the confused neighbor.
"They're all named Darnell," explains the Simian-American.
"Doesn't this cause confusion at home?" asks the now-nervous neighbor.
"No," replies the welfare brood-sow, "I just calls them by their last names."
A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "Can I help you boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter sends them away laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About 10 minutes later the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for $20 bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95."
A hindu a jew and a nigger are all walking through the country and stop at a farmer's house to see if they could sleep there for the night. "Well," said the farmer, "All I got fer ya is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the barn was fine, and the farmer showed them the way. A few minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. It was the hindu. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a cow. Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Oh, fine, you can sleep in the damn house!" said the farmer. A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. This time it's the jew. He said, "Sir, I am jewish, and you expect me to sleep in the same barn as a pig? A dirty, disgusting, filthy swine? Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Fine, fine, you can sleep in the damn house, just stop bitching!" A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. "I swear to god if it's that damn nigger I am going to whip his ass, because I'll be damned if I let him sleep in my house!" The farmer opened the door and it was the pig and the cow.
A little niglet put some flour on his face and when his mother came home he said, "Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slapped him and sent him to his room. When his father came home he came running out and said, "Look Daddy, I is a White boy!" His father slapped him and sent him to his room. Finally the boy's grandmother came home and the boy thought for sure that she wouldn't be so mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I is a White boy!" When his grandmother also slapped his face, the boy shouted, "I has only been White for 15 minutes and I already hate you damn niggers!"
A man walks into a shoe store looking for a nice pair of shoes. An assistant asks if he can help, so the man tells the assistant he's looking for a really nice pair of shoes, a pair like nobody else would have. The assistant leads the man to the back room, opens a draw and pulls out a pair of shoes. He says, "These are the most unique shoes, made from human skin! They're $10,000". The man looks at them and says they're a bit pricey, so the assistant says, "We also have them in black for $2.99"
Did you hear the KKK bought the rights to "ROOTS"?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending!
A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street, on the other side they saw a young boy walking.
The priest looked at the rabbi and said, "Let's screw him!", the rabbi replied, "Outta what?"
