The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Q: what would you call the flinstones if they were black

A: niggers

Q:whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat
A: the wheelchair
 
A newly arrived missionary on a tropical island was having the ropes explained to him by the departing incumbent, who told him" you may get a shock when you are first exposed to the lack of modesty of the womenfolk who sit with their legs apart and wear no knickers ( panties ). But you will soon get used to it . "

A few days later the new arrival visited a village where he saw a woman , her legs wide apart, eating a huge slice of water melon.

Don't you know that what you are doing is sinful said he. You should covwer your nakedness as it says in the Good Book.

" I don't know about that," said the woman, " but it sure keeps the flies off my water melon. "
 
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Myles said:
A newly arrived missionary on a tropical island was having the ropes explained to him by the departing incumbent, who told him" you may get a shock when you are first exposed to the lack of modesty of the womenfolk who sit with their legs apart and wear no knickers ( panties ). But you will soon get used to it . "

A few days later the new arrival visited a village where he saw a woman , her legs wide apart, eating a huge slice of water melon.

Don't you know that what you are doing is sinful said he. You should covwer your nakedness as it says in the Good Book.

" I don't know about that," said the woman, " but it sure keeps the flies off my water melon. "
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vlech.

Really? Are you pretty?
Click to expand...

I'm not so bad, though better when I'm dehydrated.
 
Doctor to patient- " i have good news and bad news"

Patient- " whats the bad news?"

Doctor- "well, you only have 1 week to live"

Patient- "and the good?"

doctor- "well see that beautiful blonde nurse over there.......................................... im shagging her"
 
Doctor to patient- " i have good and bad news"
patient- "whats the bad news?"
doctor- " we've had to remove both of your legs"
patient- "christ, whats the good news?"
doctor- " we've sold your slippers."
 
doctor says to patient- "i have good and bad news"
Patient- "whats the good news doc?"
doctor- "your tumour has gone!"
patient- "whats the bad news?"

doctor- "the cancer has eatten it."
 
A journalist sees a young boy being attacked by a Pit Bull.
Suddenly, a man runs over and wrestles the dog off of the boy and chokes it to death.
"That's amazing!" says the journalist, "I'm gonna write a story about you. I'll call it 'BLACK MAN SAVES BOY'"
"But I'm not black" replies the man.
"Okay, how about 'INDIAN MAN SAVES THE DAY'? the reporter asks.
"But I'm not Indian either. I'm from Pakistan" the man answers.

The next day, the paper runs with the headline 'PAKI CUNT KILLS FAMILY PET'.
 
Why do women have periods?

They deserve them.
 
Doctor to patient: "I have some bad news and some really bad news."
Patient: "What's the bad news?"
Doctor: "The bad news is that you've got Alzheimer's"
Patient: "Oh. And what's the really bad news?"
Doctor: "The really bad news is that you've got cancer"
Patient: "Oh. Well at least I don't have Alzheimer's"
 
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