The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Woman runs in to a police station crying her eyes out, " ive been graped" she said.
"Dont you mean raped"? replied the officer.
"no, there was a bunch of them"
 
Woman gets rushed to hospital crying that her fanny has been stretched that much it nearly ripped her in two, " i was raped by an elephant" she told the nurse.
"thats strange, elephants dont have this big a penis" replied the nurse.
" i know, but it fingered me first"
 
Q- what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?




A- gang rape.


i know i have a bit of a rape theme here, but dont be alarmed. if i was going to do a rape it wouldnt be on any of you sick fuckers on here!! :)
 
poor little blind girl

A little girl sadly went blind as a baby and kept asking her mum if she would be able to ever see again.
Her mum eventually got bored with her asking so one day told her that a new cream had been developed which might help.
They went to the chemist and bought the cream and bandages which the mum applied before bedtime.
Next morning mum removed the bandages and cream and the little girl opened her eyes only to say mum I still cant see.
Her mum lokked at her and said I KNOW APRIL FOOL
 
Kadark buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
Kadark doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.
Kadark hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.
The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.'
 
Mick is sitting in the beer garden drowning his sorrows when somebody asks " why are you so down Mick?".
"you see all of those houses over the road there? i built all of those single handed but nobody calls me Mick the builder do they?, you see that pavement? i flagged that as far as the eye can see on my own, but nobody calls me Mick the flagger either"

"what are you saying Mick"?

"well you know, you shag one sheep...................................................."
 
I'm gonna watch my wedding video 2nite, backwards...

I love the bit where she takes the ring off, walks back up the aisle, jumps in the car and fucks off.
 
When I was young and pretty,
I had a little quim.
I used to sit and play with it,
And stick my finger in.

Now I'm old and haggard,
My quim has lost it's charm.
Now I stick my finger in,
And half my fucking arm.
 
Orleander said:
Kadark buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
Kadark doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.
Kadark hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.
The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.'
Click to expand...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! :D:D:D

Omg. Nice one.

What's the difference between Kadark and my bass?

I wouldn't laugh if you smashed my bass with a sledgehammer.
 
First time little Suzy sees her dad naked, she asks, "Daddy, when am I going to get a penis?"
Daddy replies:
"As soon as Mommy goes to work!"
 
Whats the difference between a manc and an onion?

Nobody cries when you slice a manc.
 
Plane crashes into a graveyard in Pakistan.






Recuers have so far recovered 86 bodies, and are still digging.
 
Breaking news:
John Leslie is now being accused of raping a disabled black girl whilst working on Blue Peter.
He is blaming dyslexia and says he thought his script said " use sticky black spastic"
 
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