The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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I have nothing against Heather Mills and her remaining leg, mind you,neither does she!
 
Apparently the divorce (Mills v McCartney) was caused by Sir Paul buying her a plane.

And a ladyshave for her other leg
 
3 Irish men walk into a cafe and start wanking, waitress shouts , "oy, what the fuck do you think your doing , ?" paddy points to the sign , 1st come , 1st served.
 
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You fucking lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
 
Gary Glitter comes home to find his girlfriend furiously packing her bags ready to leave him. He asks her whats wrong? She replies that she has been reading the newspapers and that she wanted nothing to do with a peadophile!!!!
Gary Replies "Peadophile?, thats an awfully big word for an 8 year old!!!!"
 
Im Not A Racist!

I Hate Everybody Equally
(apart from Sheffield wednesday fans they are scum! Gotta hate them just that bit more)
 
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Q- what do you call a CHELSEA fan on the moon?
A- a problem

Q-what do you call 100 CHELSEA fans on the moon?
A- an even bigger problem

Q-what do you call every CHELSEA fan being on the moon?
A PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!!!!
 
Q-Whats the difference between a CHELSEA fan and an onion

A- Nobody cries when you chop up a CHELSEA fan
 
After Victory in last nights champions league final Ryan giggs was quoted as saying 'Winning the euro cup was like a chocolate orange, its not Terrys, its mine'.
 
Good news, the Austrian cellar rapist is going to face the death penalty , bad news is John Terry is going to take it !
 
Glasgow guy sees a job advertised for a fanny waxers assistant, job involves removing ladies panties and prepare fanny for waxing, after waxing rub oil into hairless area, he asks about job and is told to go to Plymouth . "Why is that where job is?" he asked "no , its the back of the fucking queue", was the reply
 
Woman takes baby to the doc's, doc is concerned about its weight . "Is it bottle or breast fed?" he asked , woman replies "breast fed", doc examines woman, pinches, rubs and sucks both tits for a while , doc then says," no wonder the baby is under weight , you have no milk ", "i know " says the woman ,"i'm its gran , but i'm fucking glad i came "
 
We sat upon the riverbank, she was all a quiver, I undid her suspender belt, her leg fell in the river
 
Q: Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house?
A: Neither did she

Q: Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away
A: You would too if your name was nuuuhhhnnnuuuwwwuueee
 
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a fence?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them

Q: What is worse than 5 dead babies in one trash can?
A: 1 dead baby in 5 trash cans

Q: What do you call 1 Mexican on the moon?
A: Problem
Q: 2 Mexicans on the moon?
A: ProblemS
Q: All the Mexicans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
 
All these "Black" jokes are really out of order, completely insensitive. I never treated Black people like this, even when I was young. When I was a kid, my best mate was black and we played together all the time..

That was until my dad sold him.
 
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