The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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aaaand I keep getting my profile rejected by match.com, one of the questions is what do you want in a woman, apparently, My cock, is not an acceptable answer...
 
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man goes into a sex shop and sees two blow up dolls

ones called "regular" and the others called "iraqi"

he asks the assistant what the difference is

she informs him...well not much, but the iraqi one blows its-self up
 
"My England"

by a Paki​


Me come to England poor n broke,
Go down dole see social bloke.
Fill in form stand around,
Kind man give me plenty pound.

All is nicely settled down,
Nice big house in rotherham town.
Me think England damn fine place,
Much to nice for white man race.

God bless white man big n small,
He pay tax to keep us all.
And if you don't like coloured man,
There's plenty of room in Pakistan.
 
A man and a woman are stranded on an desert island. Knowing that death is inevitable, the woman takes all her clothes off and shouts: "Make me feel like a woman!"

The man takes all his clothes off and says: "Iron these, then"
 
TimWalden said:
"My England"

by a Paki​


Me come to England poor n broke,
Go down dole see social bloke.
Fill in form stand around,
Kind man give me plenty pound.

All is nicely settled down,
Nice big house in rotherham town.
Me think England damn fine place,
Much to nice for white man race.

God bless white man big n small,
He pay tax to keep us all.
And if you don't like coloured man,
There's plenty of room in Pakistan.
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I hate the fucking paki zone in Rotherham, they have no regards for the law, are obnoxious, rude and just arse holes to be around.
 
redarmy11 said:
Is that particular to Rotherham, do you think? How might it compare to paki zones elsewhere?
Click to expand...

It's not exclusively that way, but it is especially that way. For example; Sheffield isn't bad at all, and I've met many helpful, friendly ones there.
 
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A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live together in a little mole hole.

One day, papa mole sticks his head
out of the hole, sniffs the air and said,
'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'


The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,
sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yum! I smell honey!'


Now baby mole is trying to stick his head
out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't
because the bigger moles are in the way.
This makes him whine,

'Geez, all I can smell is....

MOLASSES! :D
 
Women are like orange juice cartons.

It's not the shape or size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is..............

It's getting those fucking flaps open.
 
Men are like those metal frames you use for market stalls...it's not what it looks like that matters, it's getting the damned thing to stay upright!
 
I was in a book shop this week and I saw a book called "The Bible for Dummies". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that gap in the market already filled by the real Bible?
 
Q: What is a nigger's triathlon like?
A: Run to the beach and come back with a bike.

Q: What do you have to do when you see a bleeding nigger?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.

Q: What did God say when He created niggers?
Q: Damnit, burned 'em.

Q: What did God say when He created spics?
A: Damnit, wrong recipe.

Q: How many Jews does it take to heat an oven?
A: Dunno, they stopped trying at six million.


Please forgive me...

Ps. Some of the "jokes" may sound a bit weird, that's because I'm finnish and I tried my best translating these jokes from Finnish to English.
Pss. These jokes may already be posted on this thread, I just haven't had the time to read the whole thread through =)
 
TimWalden said:
I was in a book shop this week and I saw a book called "The Bible for Dummies". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that gap in the market already filled by the real Bible?
Click to expand...

I take it you read viz then.
 
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