The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!
- Thread starter The Flemster
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What's the best thing about screwing a 3-year old?
Your cock looks huge in the photos.
Your cock looks huge in the photos.
The Flemster said:
ha thats a good one
whats white round and bobs up and down in a cot
a peados ass
Blue_UK said:
This made me laugh out loud...I don't quite know why. I think its because he's never gonna live that down, and how it comes up everywhere.
Theo Walcott - World Cup Diary
I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.
On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.
Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.
In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.
While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.
I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it. All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.
The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.
Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.
All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that
we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.
On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.
Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them. Uncle Sol got me some pop.
In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.
While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.
I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it. All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.
The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.
Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.
All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that
we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.
I got three jokes i heard two of which whilst lying on the ground holding a machine gun at about 3am during my picquet on a training exercise. Thats the reason for the last two being absolutely disgusting
First Joke
Q: How do you separate an Ancient Greek Man from an Ancient Greek Boy?
A: With a crowbar
Second Joke
Q: How do you make a child girl cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear
Third Joke
Q: How do you make a child girl cry a third time?
A: Put that teddy bear in the microwave
First Joke
Q: How do you separate an Ancient Greek Man from an Ancient Greek Boy?
A: With a crowbar
Second Joke
Q: How do you make a child girl cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear
Third Joke
Q: How do you make a child girl cry a third time?
A: Put that teddy bear in the microwave
An American Indian, A Muslim and a cowboy were traveling in the same train car.
The American Indian sadly announces, “Once we were many, now we are few”.
The Muslim arrogantly brags, “Once we were few, now we are many”.
The relaxed cowboy, boots kicked on the table, trying to nap, lifts his hat, spits his tobacco on the floor, looks at the Muslim and says, “We haven’t played cowboys and Muslim yet”.
The American Indian sadly announces, “Once we were many, now we are few”.
The Muslim arrogantly brags, “Once we were few, now we are many”.
The relaxed cowboy, boots kicked on the table, trying to nap, lifts his hat, spits his tobacco on the floor, looks at the Muslim and says, “We haven’t played cowboys and Muslim yet”.
R
Rappollo
Guest
Paul McCartney was being interviewed about his marriage problems. The interviewer asked "Do you think you will ever go down on one knee again"?
He replied "I'd prefer it if you'd call her Heather"
A father is in the bath with his three year-old son.
Child: Daddy, why is my willy different to yours?
Father: Well son, yours isn't erect
Why are steroids like the police?
They both make niggers run like fuck
What's got eight legs and a big black cunt?
The A team
What do you call an elephant with a spade up its arse?
Dawn French
What do you call a paki standing between two houses?
Ali
If the answer is "Infatuation bastard", what's the question?
"How would you like your Poppadums cooked, Sir?"
Thanks to www.sickipedia.org
He replied "I'd prefer it if you'd call her Heather"
A father is in the bath with his three year-old son.
Child: Daddy, why is my willy different to yours?
Father: Well son, yours isn't erect
Why are steroids like the police?
They both make niggers run like fuck
What's got eight legs and a big black cunt?
The A team
What do you call an elephant with a spade up its arse?
Dawn French
What do you call a paki standing between two houses?
Ali
If the answer is "Infatuation bastard", what's the question?
"How would you like your Poppadums cooked, Sir?"
Thanks to www.sickipedia.org
T
themightyquins2005
Guest
Whats got 4 legs and a cunt on its back?
A Police Horse!!!!
A Police Horse!!!!
devils_reject
Registered Senior Member
Welcome to the year 2340 C.E, where civilization has changed beyond recogntion(thats if there is anybody left to recognize). This is the department of fire and mental health(don't ask). You have quarantined the streets for the latest drugs and come come up with a few real dangerous ones.We thank you. We are addressing this issues with no further details.
Pill-136- Lets just say this is the creme de la soul of drug and drug use. Its a sort wave of happiness no one can imagine. You are so happy on this drug that you don't even have time to remember why. Laughter with crying are fundamental symtoms, the ;tears are joy tears. Common with party goers and bulding contractors.
UV 1823- This baby makes cocaine look like childrens cold medicine. Avoid as much and if you can. Make sure you are going to be alone for at least 1 hour after use. Stay indoors and preferably locked up
Daycamp- No euphoris or hysteria like the above menace but can make you stay up for a month easy. 3 hitchhikers on this pill were caught and asked where they were going, turns out where they were coming from was more exciting- they had walked 33 days straight with no sleep. Special dietery suppliments are to be taken along this aid
Wolfbane- Thought it was impossible to change to a wolf. Well, thanks to our government approved labs you can. Wait till the full moon and pop this pill, you will change to a warewolf. The materials contain substances from the moon. Take this baby and I swear to God you will tear the world apart at night!
Dead Mans chest - A real delusional agent for seeing the dead around us. Have a say at them, drink with them, just be careful because they get pissed off
DMV- Appropriately called because the last thing you need to be doing is driving on this pill. It makes you feel as if you are travelling at 800MPh at each step you take while walking (don't ask).
Capricus Oudevicus or CAPS- easy free flowing drug with little side effects. Contains Chloriggequin, a staring agent.
Lith- Head clearer. Severe amnesia may occur
GraG- All five senses multiplied 10 times. Contains samples of sexual arousal agent. If you have a pet of an opposite sex I strongly recommend you lock it up before using.
Discolor- See in black and white. Dream on!
H847p- Let me just tell you. Stay away unless you have psychiatric bills and adequate insurance and years of rehab expenses. No real human has approvd of it. Also induces serious identity crisis. We found our head of street affairs in the sack of a Kangaroo in Autralia( he works and live in Califonia)
This message paid for by the Street drugs and per-aphene..lia( oh fuck it I tried) department.
Pill-136- Lets just say this is the creme de la soul of drug and drug use. Its a sort wave of happiness no one can imagine. You are so happy on this drug that you don't even have time to remember why. Laughter with crying are fundamental symtoms, the ;tears are joy tears. Common with party goers and bulding contractors.
UV 1823- This baby makes cocaine look like childrens cold medicine. Avoid as much and if you can. Make sure you are going to be alone for at least 1 hour after use. Stay indoors and preferably locked up
Daycamp- No euphoris or hysteria like the above menace but can make you stay up for a month easy. 3 hitchhikers on this pill were caught and asked where they were going, turns out where they were coming from was more exciting- they had walked 33 days straight with no sleep. Special dietery suppliments are to be taken along this aid
Wolfbane- Thought it was impossible to change to a wolf. Well, thanks to our government approved labs you can. Wait till the full moon and pop this pill, you will change to a warewolf. The materials contain substances from the moon. Take this baby and I swear to God you will tear the world apart at night!
Dead Mans chest - A real delusional agent for seeing the dead around us. Have a say at them, drink with them, just be careful because they get pissed off
DMV- Appropriately called because the last thing you need to be doing is driving on this pill. It makes you feel as if you are travelling at 800MPh at each step you take while walking (don't ask).
Capricus Oudevicus or CAPS- easy free flowing drug with little side effects. Contains Chloriggequin, a staring agent.
Lith- Head clearer. Severe amnesia may occur
GraG- All five senses multiplied 10 times. Contains samples of sexual arousal agent. If you have a pet of an opposite sex I strongly recommend you lock it up before using.
Discolor- See in black and white. Dream on!
H847p- Let me just tell you. Stay away unless you have psychiatric bills and adequate insurance and years of rehab expenses. No real human has approvd of it. Also induces serious identity crisis. We found our head of street affairs in the sack of a Kangaroo in Autralia( he works and live in Califonia)
This message paid for by the Street drugs and per-aphene..lia( oh fuck it I tried) department.
Last edited:
what do you call a guy that gets stabbed to death by a fish?
idiot.
idiot.
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