Woman: Help! Help! An Irishman tried to rape me!
Police Officer: How do you know he was Irish?
Woman: I had to help him.
Police Officer: How do you know he was Irish?
Woman: I had to help him.
The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!
- Thread starter The Flemster
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Africans are stupid, they got their freedom from oppression and given a bullshit official republic to compensate. African settlements have been existing for thousands of years, complete with rulers and official recognition as a state until the new world order came in. There is a difference between freedom from oppression and freedom from state.
T
themightyquins2005
Guest
Chatha, I dont think u get the idea of this site, now go fuck off and get some decent jokes or just do us all a favour and take ur poetry and quotes to another forum u stupid cunt!!!!!
why dont you take a hike, all you post on this site is offensive jokes, at least chatha contributes to debates. i think you dont understand the idea of this site. now you do us a favour and take your jokes to another forum u stupid cunt!!!!!themightyquins2005 said:
everybody but me is stupid.
oh, and zephyr is ok too.
oh, and zephyr is ok too.
The topic is Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!! Not poetry, quotes and random other queer shit. Whilst I appreciate free speech for the dumb, keep posts to where they belong for fucks sake.
You wouldn't post about 50 Cent in a knitting topic would you?
Why don't you make your own topic "Poetry and quotes for lasses and queers" and get the hell off of this topic.
You wouldn't post about 50 Cent in a knitting topic would you?
Why don't you make your own topic "Poetry and quotes for lasses and queers" and get the hell off of this topic.
T
themightyquins2005
Guest
The staff of New York zoo were having trouble with Helda, their 5year old Female gorilla who was coming into her mating season. She was getting very frustrated and causing chaos in her pen. This was due to the fact that she was the only gorilla the Zoo had. They had to do something to try and calm the situation as it was dangerous to the customers. They come to the conclusion that the poor Gorilla had to get some cock!!!
Thedevilsreject was a big dumb lad from texas who was known for his taste in the larger form of the female species. They propositioned him with the offer of $1000 for the job of shagging helda the gorilla. Thedevilsreject said he would have to think about it.
The next day, thedevilsreject came into work and said he would do it on 3 conditions. The staff at the zoo quickly agreed and asked the conditions.
Firstly says thedevilsreject, I don't want to kiss her, secondly, no-one is to find out about this. Finally he said, you are going to have to give me a few weeks to pay you the $1000!!!!
Thedevilsreject was a big dumb lad from texas who was known for his taste in the larger form of the female species. They propositioned him with the offer of $1000 for the job of shagging helda the gorilla. Thedevilsreject said he would have to think about it.
The next day, thedevilsreject came into work and said he would do it on 3 conditions. The staff at the zoo quickly agreed and asked the conditions.
Firstly says thedevilsreject, I don't want to kiss her, secondly, no-one is to find out about this. Finally he said, you are going to have to give me a few weeks to pay you the $1000!!!!
themightyquins2005 said:
i not from the deep south unlike you inbreds, i bet your fathers also your grandfather isnt he
give it a few years and youll be carrying on the family tradition, your daughter wont know what shes let herself in forMost of these jokes are from A Jackie The Joke Man. (The Howard Stern show.)
Q. Why are they no black astronauts?
A. Because they don’t like to say yes masa, no masa.
Q. Why are they no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because their not working in the future either.
Q. Why do Japanese people have slanted eyes?
A. Because their still squinting from the blast.
Q. Why don’t Italians have zits?
A. Because they slid off.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to the chef?
A. Anything after twelve is lunch.
A guy comes to America from India. After spending a couple of weeks in America he becomes extremely ill. He has a constant fever, blurred vision, and terrible headaches. He decides to go to a doctor. The doctor examines him and he takes a sample of his blood and urine, but he can’t figure out what is wrong with him. The doctor decides to make an appointment for him to have an MRI, but he still can’t figure out what is wrong with him. So the guy decides to go to another doctor, but he can’t figure out what is wrong with him either. So finally the guy decides to go to an Indian doctor and he tells the doctor about his symptoms.
The Indian doctor says, (in an Indian accent) “Yes my friend. Take this bucket. Go into that room and shit in the bucket. Then piss on the shit that you have just done. And inhale fumes ten minutes.” The guy looks at the doctor like if he is crazy, but then he thinks to himself, “What do I have to lose. All of the other things that I did didn’t work and I am still sick”. So he goes into the room and shits in the bucket and he pisses on the shit, and he inhales the fumes for ten minutes. Then he goes back into the doctor’s office and he sits down. And suddenly he starts to feel better. His fever breaks and all of his pain goes away. Then the doctor comes into the room and he say “you feeling better?” The guy responds by saying “yes I am. But I don’t understand. What was wrong with me?” The doctor says, “You are home sick.”
(Some scientific information for all of you. Eating large amounts of spices like curry and cumin can change your body odor.)
And finally, this last thing is not really a joke. It is a true story and I think it is very funny. I have a friend that loves Asian women. One day we were walking down a street together and we saw a beautiful Asian woman. My friend boldly walked up to her and said “ I would pick the rice out of your shit and eat it.”
Q. Why are they no black astronauts?
A. Because they don’t like to say yes masa, no masa.
Q. Why are they no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because their not working in the future either.
Q. Why do Japanese people have slanted eyes?
A. Because their still squinting from the blast.
Q. Why don’t Italians have zits?
A. Because they slid off.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to the chef?
A. Anything after twelve is lunch.
A guy comes to America from India. After spending a couple of weeks in America he becomes extremely ill. He has a constant fever, blurred vision, and terrible headaches. He decides to go to a doctor. The doctor examines him and he takes a sample of his blood and urine, but he can’t figure out what is wrong with him. The doctor decides to make an appointment for him to have an MRI, but he still can’t figure out what is wrong with him. So the guy decides to go to another doctor, but he can’t figure out what is wrong with him either. So finally the guy decides to go to an Indian doctor and he tells the doctor about his symptoms.
The Indian doctor says, (in an Indian accent) “Yes my friend. Take this bucket. Go into that room and shit in the bucket. Then piss on the shit that you have just done. And inhale fumes ten minutes.” The guy looks at the doctor like if he is crazy, but then he thinks to himself, “What do I have to lose. All of the other things that I did didn’t work and I am still sick”. So he goes into the room and shits in the bucket and he pisses on the shit, and he inhales the fumes for ten minutes. Then he goes back into the doctor’s office and he sits down. And suddenly he starts to feel better. His fever breaks and all of his pain goes away. Then the doctor comes into the room and he say “you feeling better?” The guy responds by saying “yes I am. But I don’t understand. What was wrong with me?” The doctor says, “You are home sick.”
(Some scientific information for all of you. Eating large amounts of spices like curry and cumin can change your body odor.)
And finally, this last thing is not really a joke. It is a true story and I think it is very funny. I have a friend that loves Asian women. One day we were walking down a street together and we saw a beautiful Asian woman. My friend boldly walked up to her and said “ I would pick the rice out of your shit and eat it.”
thedevilsreject said:i not from the deep south unlike you inbreds, i bet your fathers also your grandfather isnt he
Right, listen. This is for you and that other prick and anyone else who just can't seem to grab the really fucking simple premise of my thread:
THIS IS A JOKES THREAD.
That means no poncy poetry, no debate and no arguing. The whole of Sciforums is devoted to debate and agrumentative conversation. This one thread is a little escape from that and if can't understand that then FUCK OFF!
(And I'm from England, not 'the deep south', so blow that out your arsehole too!)
YEE-Haw!!!
The Flemster.
Back to the 'jokes'.
(This isn't offensive but it's all I got right now!)
At a press conference at the World Cup, Sven Goran Erikkson announces that Rooney will be fit to plat very soon. In fact, he's going to be given a cortezone injection in just half an hour. With this, Beckham leaps to his feet and shouts, "Oi! If he's getting a new car then I want one too!"
(This isn't offensive but it's all I got right now!)
At a press conference at the World Cup, Sven Goran Erikkson announces that Rooney will be fit to plat very soon. In fact, he's going to be given a cortezone injection in just half an hour. With this, Beckham leaps to his feet and shouts, "Oi! If he's getting a new car then I want one too!"
first i was talking to themightyquins2005
second if you want a good supply of offensive joke go to www.insultmonger.com
hope that keeps you occupied
second if you want a good supply of offensive joke go to www.insultmonger.com
hope that keeps you occupied
a family of 5 pakis crash of a cliff, do you laugh or cry
cry coz 2 more could have fit in the boot
cry coz 2 more could have fit in the boot
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
what did god say when he made his first paki
fuck i burnt one
fuck i burnt one
what did jacko say to glitter
'ill swap you two fives for a ten'
'ill swap you two fives for a ten'
Why dont they have the olympics in Mexico?
Because anyone who can run jump or swim is already accross the border
Because anyone who can run jump or swim is already accross the border
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