I agree. But some find it as immoral as homosexuality and you are doing both. I think what you and your husband legally do as consenting adults doesn't need anyones approval.
Swinging vs Open Marriage
- Thread starter Orleander
- Start date
I agree. But some find it as immoral as homosexuality and you are doing both. I think what you and your husband legally do as consenting adults doesn't need anyones approval.
yeah some do, some dont, some dont even think about it, people should never judge a book by its cover you know, and unless they know what happens then they have no right to knock people for it
we started about 14yrs ago, i started having fealings for women, and i thought it was dirty and wrong and i hated myself, i didnt sleep with my husband for nearly a year until i told him what was wrong, and how i felt, so we did some careful research, and decided to talk to other couples and we went along to meet them and that was our first encounter, we have been to clubs but we didnt like it and came away, clubs are to inpersonal
no they dont know i wouldn't consider telling them until they are older if the subject came up
That's true. I forgot that I tried to put the fact that they had sex at all out of my mind back then lol.
what did he do for that year?
nothing
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
John, you're the last person I'd expect to have personal experience in this domain. Assuming I'm right, then how do you know what the chances are of falling in love with the other person? No one can possibly imagine the emotions that might arise in an emotional situation that they have never experienced. There are bazillions of people who have one-on-one sex with each other and falling in love isn't even the remotest possibility. Why should it be any greater in a four-way?
One of the couples I know says that it works just the opposite. Everybody has sexual urges that conflict with their formal marriage vows. By bringing the other people home and making a ritual out of it, sharing it with the spouse, it compartmentalizes the sex from the romance, recognizing the biological reality that one is largely physical and one is largely emotional. One woman told her man, "You can have sex with anybody you want as long as you bring her home and do it here. I just don't want you sneaking around." She ended up becoming best friends with one of the gals.
Geeze Orly, have you spent your whole life in West Virginia? We make our own marriage vows to suit our own lives. The vow to forsake all others needs to be nothing more than a promise to put your spouse first in terms of establishing your own personal community of family. If you can count on each other for the important things that come up in life, the things that determine the future, that's what counts. If sex isn't one of those things to you, then it just isn't one of those things. Lots of marriages survive bouts of clandestine infidelity. I imagine that turning it into a family activity is an improvement.
Can't you just picture guys like John and James honestly believing they're model husbands because they've never dallied with another woman, but when their wives are feeling depressed and need help keeping their life on track they go off for a NASCAR weekend or deer hunting?
James, your jargon is more offensive than the topic of this thread. No one is anyone else's property. As far as I know, nobody who is participating in this discussion lives in the backwoods of Persia. Get over yourself dude.
Last edited:
no, i would've just thought, that somthing was wrong with the marrage!
this seems to be the main issue, insecurities, and the need to 'own' your partner. there's going to be people who are better at sex than you, and your wife might prefer them for sex over you. does that mean they love you less? i mean i would hope that when my gf says 'i love you', it means more than 'you're the best at sex'.
i think its paranoia to not allow a person, whom you supposedly love, to go out and sleep around if they wish to do so. if they're going to find someone else who makes them happier, be happy for them. perhaps you weren't meant to be. trapping a person in a monogamous relationship to ensure they'll never find something better seems petty and self-centred..
that said, there's nothing wrong with monogamy if neither partner wish to sleep around, but when one does you're saying 'here are my insecurities, the risk of you leaving me means i can't allow you to have sexual adventures.' i'm monogamous because sex with random girls is less important than making my gf feel special, and you love a person for/despite their flaws. i still resent the fact if i did sleep around, she'd feel that i must love her less.
Well when I get together with someone in a long term relationship/marriage. I think it is pretty understood that I don't think they will out be sleeping with other women.
So you think if you are married and one day your partner says "hey babe I think I want to go and sleep with someone else" I should just say " Ok have fun" :bugeye: I don't consider not letting them persue outside sexual relations "trapping" them as you said. They understand from the start of the relationship that I EXPECT a monogamous relationship. If they want an open relationship or want the option of sleeping with other ppl when they feel like it, I am not the person for them.
If it works for Lucifers marriage thats fine. They both are on the same page and it works for them.
You can't expect that it will work for everyone though. It would never work for me.
I couldn't handle my partner having sex with someone else, especially watching it.
You can't expect that it will work for everyone though. It would never work for me.
I couldn't handle my partner having sex with someone else, especially watching it.
sure, if you want monogamy and they don't, maybe you aren't the person for them and vice versa. its just like, the reasons for people being uneasy with it seems to jealousy and fear and stuff. you're limiting the person by saying 'no i want you only to myself'. i hate doing anything where jealousy fear etc. is the motivation.
i dunno what the answer is, i think i'd feel less close to my girlfriend if we slept around, because it'd be harder to call her my one true love or something like that. i guess i like how monogamy serves as a little mating dance, its an offering to her. i also might feel dirty, and regard her differently, if we were sleeping around too, but surely that's me being pervaded by the 'whore' idea.
my main problem with the issue is that if two people truly love each other, how can anything you do with other people detract from that?
I think I would still love the person, but I couldn't accept that kind of lifestyle.
So no matter how much I loved them if they wanted that kind of life I would have to leave the relationship, because it would never work for me.