Swinging vs Open Marriage

O

Orleander

OH JOY!!!!
Valued Senior Member
Are these different? I thought an open marriage was where each did their own thing and swinging was doing it together. My husband and I have talked about this (mainly cuz his brother and wife tried swinging for a time) and we decided neither of us could do it.
How can a couple do it? Is it sexual boredom or more than that?
 
I agree with you on the terminology. I've heard of people having open marriages where either partner may go out and pick somebody up for some playtime that doesn't necessarily involve both partners. I tend to think of swingers as wife-swappers who meet another couple and trade for the night.

Either way, I think it would take some serious drugs for me to be able to do that. No matter how gorgeous the other girl was, I'd have the mental image of my wife getting boned in the other room, or right there in front of me. Not good.

We know a couple who swing, and they've never approached us about it, but sometimes at parties you catch them looking and know exactly what they're thinking.

Here's the thing for me: You can never unsee what you will see, unhear what you will hear, etc. What if it's better than it ever was with your partner? What do you do then? What if it works for one half of the equation, but not for your half?

Too many confusing issues that leave too many loose ends for me. That's why I prefer hookers and blow.
 
If gay people can't get married, should these people be allowed to be married? And is polygamy an open marriage or swinging or neither?
 
Polygamy is not an open marriage or swinging. It is a closed marriage...with one person having multiple partners, but he doesn't sleep around outside it.

Also, yeah. I would never swing or have an open marriage. No man is going to fuck my woman. The man who touches what I own is going to be hurt or killed.
 
Orleander:

Did you buy her from overseas? (I've never known anyone who got a 'mail order' bride, so I'm curious)
Click to expand...

No. I don't have a mail order bride.

Amusingly: My friend has totally considered that after I showed him a mail order bride site.
 
Prince_James said:
Polygamy is not an open marriage or swinging. It is a closed marriage...with one person having multiple partners, but he doesn't sleep around outside it.

Also, yeah. I would never swing or have an open marriage. No man is going to fuck my woman. The man who touches what I own is going to be hurt or killed.
Click to expand...

Firstly, you don't "own" your wife.:p

But yeah, I could never do it either. Nor could my husband. He had a friend who is married and both are swingers. They actually approached us about it one night after they had come over to our (then) apartment for dinner and we didn't even have to consider it. We both answered "no thank you" at the same time. I personally do not want to imagine my husband with another woman, as much as he does not want to imagine me with another man.

The friend tried to push the issue and lets just say the friendship ended that night. It seems they find it sexually stimulating to watch the other spouse have sex with other people. I couldn't do it. And judging from my husband's reaction, neither could he.

To each their own I guess.:shrug:
 
I don't think I'd be jealous, I would be insecure. I would always wonder if I was as good/exciting as that other woman. I have to say, I think my husband would be for it as long as it involved only women and no men.
 
Bells:

Firstly, you don't "own" your wife.
Click to expand...

Any woman in my life who considers herself romantically involved with me is, by default, my property.

The friend tried to push the issue and lets just say the friendship ended that night. It seems they find it sexually stimulating to watch the other spouse have sex with other people. I couldn't do it. And judging from my husband's reaction, neither could he.

To each their own I guess.
Click to expand...

I find it incrediably unmanly for a man to want to see his woman fucked by another man.

I can maybe understand male-female-female threesomes.
 
Haha, "swinging" or whatever as in two women and two dudes if fucking gay. You've got to be a faggot to do something like that.
 
Orleander:

and there's my husband
Click to expand...

It's the man issue and the whole "I'm not involved issue".

I cannot see a man who would be okay with his wife having a female lover.

But I can understand a man who wants to have sex with two women at once.
 
I know a few people who introduce a second woman into their relationship. They don't agree on the open marriage idea (because it's obviously different), and they don't accept a second man. I gotta say, to the third person, it looks very creepy.
 
I told my husband if he wanted me to have sex with another woman, I got to pick the woman. I told him I would pick my best friend, who is gay. That way he can wonder what we are doing every time we go out to eat together, go to the movies, or go shopping. And he could only watch from the doorway, with his hands on the door frame. No touching us or himself.
LOL, I'm not stupid. He said no.
 
Orleander said:
so how long have you been swinging Kadark?
Click to expand...

Why would I ever "swing"? My motto is "if you can't swallow, then gargle". I would feel like an asshole if I couldn't dominate all of my partners equally. Of course, you didn't think about that, did you?
 
15ofthe19 said:
Either way, I think it would take some serious drugs for me to be able to do that.
Click to expand...
There was a lot of that back in the late 1960s and early 1970s. I knew two couples who were swingers and did not take any drugs except alcohol. One of the guys didn't even do that.
No matter how gorgeous the other girl was, I'd have the mental image of my wife getting boned in the other room, or right there in front of me. What if it's better than it ever was with your partner?
Click to expand...
It's not like that, at least not the people I've known. It is a four-person activity and it's much different from sex as a two-person activity. It's all about fun and physical pleasure and sometimes it gets downright silly. There's no romance or anything deep, nothing to compare to an intimate night with just the two of you. I got the impression it was more like playing doubles tennis than "making love."
What if it works for one half of the equation, but not for your half?
Click to expand...
99.9% of the time it's the man who suggests it. The woman either feels like going along with it or she doesn't. If she does, she usually just goes ahead and does it. If she feels positive enough to agree to it, and all the people get along in non-sexual situations, it will probably work to her satisfaction. You have to remember the Venus-Mars thing. Women just do not relate to sex the way we do.
Too many confusing issues that leave too many loose ends for me. That's why I prefer hookers and blow.
Click to expand...
I don't think your wife would regard that as a superior choice.
Orleander said:
I don't think I'd be jealous, I would be insecure. I would always wonder if I was as good/exciting as that other woman.
Click to expand...
As I said, none of these people gave me the impression that it was like that at all. You can't compare romantic sex with your spouse or lover in private to what is essentially a small orgy. Neither the activity itself nor the feelings it engenders are comparable.
I have to say, I think my husband would be for it as long as it involved only women and no men.
Click to expand...
That's quite common. I know far more people who have done three-ways than four-ways, and it is absolutely always two women and one man. Except for one of those couples back in the 1960s who tried just inviting another guy, and all three of them agreed that it wasn't worth doing again.

Women seem to bond after doing ménages à trois. I know a group of four or five who met, serially, by answering personal ads (always with the same guy) and eventually they all became good pals. I get the impression they discovered that when there's another woman in there, you can be sure that there's at least one other person in the room who cares whether YOU are having a good time.
 
Kadark said:
Why would I ever "swing"? My motto is "if you can't swallow, then gargle". I would feel like an asshole if I couldn't dominate all of my partners equally. Of course, you didn't think about that, did you?
Click to expand...

Oh no, I have no doubt in my mind that you are a dominate asshole. Wait...what? What exactly are you gargling instead of swallowing? :bugeye: Sorry Kadark, you have to explain this swinging thing to me in smaller words I guess.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top