ToR,
I get more male attention when blonde that when brunette or red head.
I get more male attention when wearing a skirt than when wearing trousers
I get more attention when wearing a tight top than a baggy one.
I get more attention when wearing a smile than a frown
I gewt more attention when wearing heels than flats.
This shouldn't be surprising, should it? Of course you get more male attention when you dress up like you're looking for sex (ie, cleavage, leg exposed, make up, etc.). How are men supposed to know whether to approach you or now? Humans don't have very good senses of smell. It's not like we can tell if you're in heat or not. Or if you smell of another man. Though I doubt you'd let your man mark his scent all over you. Seems a bit degrading, yeah?
And yes, I am aware that women like to dress up nice, even if they aren't looking for sex. But it's different between dressing up for the office, and going to a bar with lots of cleavage. Which would be the better assumption for the man at the bar, who is there to pick up a partner (typical bar behavior): "This woman is dressing like she wants it, but she's just a silly woman, clueless of how she's dressing," or "this adult is dressed like she knows what she wants."
This of course is all quite different when it comes to rape. "She was dressed pretty" is hardly an excuse for rape.
But when alcohol enters the equation, messages can get mixed.
Roman has stated that by the 'defenition of rape' as defined in this thread re possible new UK laws, he has been raped many times. BUT he did not know he was raped. Hence no police reports etc
I don't even consider it rape. Some policy makers in the UK and Bells considers it rape. I consider it bad decision making, on my part.
IT is not trauma or understanding of rape law that determines whether a 'rape' incident took place, but the action of 'rape' itself as defined BY that law.
Precisely!
We are talking here of a law which is about to redefine what rape is. In that women who consent but are under the influence of alcohol may not be capable of informed consent thus the consent is invalid and the sex becomes rape.
This brings me back to the point of my first post which gave an example re a pal of mine who had sex while drunk, may have regreted her actions after BUT never cried rape and never considered it rape. I then stated with the new UK law, and redefining of what constitutes rape, she may well redefine how she feels about the sex the morning after the night before, when she was too drunk to make a more selective choice.
Yes, exactly. Exactly. I don't think a woman who regrets her actions the night before should be allowed to ruin a man's life.
If I had sex with a partner who was drunk, and later decided she hadn't given consent, she could press rape charges under this law. If convicted that I did indeed have sex with her, and since she was drunk and unable to give consent, I would go on a sex offender registry. Anytime I moved into a neighborhood, all the moms could go online and look me up. There I am. Online for rape. Then they'd run me out of time.
Roman,
If you found out that one of those girls used you deliberately to create a baby (this happens when women want babies but don't want them to have a father- they just seek men to have sex with in the hope they become impreganated by them) how would this make you feel, would you feel more compelled to report her actions as 'rape' or take responsibility for your own?
That's a nightmare right there.
But it depends. If it was sloppy sex while we were both drunk, then I'd have to take responsibility. Simply because I've been drinking doesn't mean I'm no longer responsible for my behavior. It's a risk I take.
And yes, a woman could get me drunk to concieve a child by me. But I'd rather have that risk than have all the troubles caused by the government mandating what BAC is acceptable for sex.
Bells,
I have never been raped, but I was sexually assaulted by someone who'd been a close and trusted friend for many years. He ended up with my car keys jammed in his crotch leaving him passed out and bleeding from between his legs while I ran back to the restaurant we'd been having dinner with other friends, to call the police. As to the laws in the state that you live in, then go by that. In Australia, you would have every right to report it to the police as a rape and an investigation would have been launched into your claim. As to charges being laid, I've said before that rape convictions and charges in general are hard to prove, even more so where alcohol is involved. If you wish to change the rape laws and definition of rape in your State, then by all means start campaigning to do so. Not every country or state has the same laws. Hence why many feel that uniform laws dealing with rape, sexual assault, marriage, etc, should be applied. But that's a topic for another discussion.
It's appalling, the number of women who have been sexually assaulted. Pretty much every woman I've ever talked to has, at one point, been the victim of sexual assault. I'm glad you stabbed that douchebag.
But whether or not the law calls it 'rape' doesn't make it rape. I would in no way compare my experiences with those of an actual rape victim. I wasn't forced. I maintain that I am responsible for the choices I make, whether I decide to drink or not, and the company I keep when I drink. Sometimes I wake up in shame and disgust. It's as much my fault as it was hers.
Rape is concerned with consent and whether there was or wasn't consent prior to the event. If a person is drugged or so drunk as to not be able to be in any position to give willing and knowing consent, then consent is seen to have not been given and by law it is a rape. But as I've said before the majority don't report it and those who do find it virtually impossible to prosecute. Only a bare minimum of rape charges result in a conviction.
I think there's a huge difference, however, between getting someone pass-out drunk and raping them to just getting drunk and sleeping with someone you wouldn't have when you're sober.
In the first case, the victim is a victim. I think it's pretty fair to say that anyone who does anything to an unconscious person is in the wrong.
In the second, though.... If someone got drunk and decided to go for a drive and got in a smash up, who's at fault? The drunk driver or the sober driver? If both drivers were drunk?
I guess, what I'm trying to say is, how drunk is drunk. And how much responsibility is on the man (or whoever isn't the one crying rape) to the mental state of their partner.
If a very depressive woman goes out and has sex with a man because of her mental state (chemically very unbalanced), then gets on Zoloft and becomes a 'normal' person, sober person (in the sense that she's no longer trying to committ suicide or randomly hooking up), can she charge the man with rape?
ToR asks a very good question at the end of her post to you...
See my response to ToR.
One of the cases I'd had to deal with was a man who came forward to report a rape, of which he'd been a victim of. While on holidays at some friends house, he'd taken quite ill and had retired to bed early one night. He woke at some point during the night to find a woman (she lived in the house he was staying in) raping him. He tried to push her off as she manipulated his penis (she'd shown an interest in him before and he was not inclined to accept her invitation), but because he was so sick he was quite weak and she fought him back and he was afraid that if he hurt her, he would get into trouble if she went to the police. She in effect raped him. He ejaculated and she then jumped off and went to her room. He feared STD's and worse still AIDS and returned home to get tested. 2 months later she called him to tell him she was pregnant and that it was his. He then came forward to report the rape and through the investigation, it came to light that she'd wanted a child and he was available and she thought willing since he got an erection. She miscarried the child soon after, but had she given birth and the child had been proven to be his, he would have had to face her taking him to court to pay child support. By law, she did rape him as she admitted herself that he was saying no and trying to push her off, but she thought that since he was erect, he must have been willing. I'm scared to think how many men have been 'caught' out this way and have not come forward to report it as a rape and instead have had to face the fact that the child that resulted from their rape was theirs and they've had to pay for the child's upbringing. I know of other similar rape cases and it's a horrible reality for those victims.
That's fucked up.