Report
By Outcast - spuriousmonkey
No particular day, but on the history of Scivillage and spuriousmonkey
It is difficult to remember how it all began. My parents were not outcasts in Scivillage. They were rather normal and plain. In fact they never lived in Scivillage.
The only thing remotely interesting about my father was that he had no legs. He used to have legs when he was younger. How else could he have danced with my mother? Later my grandfather told me that my father never danced with my mother. He could just as well never have any legs. But he did. I have seen pictures. My father had been in the army. They require legs in the army. He did not lose his legs in the army during some war either.
He apparently lost his legs and his life in a more ordain manner. He lost them due to smoking and a genetic predisposition for bad blood circulation. Smoking cost him half a leg. Then it took a whole leg. Then it took the second leg. Still the Smoking god was not satisfied yet and took finally his life. He ended his life in pain and with his senses intact. The Smoking go can be cruel.
That is the most interesting thing I could mention about my father. About my mother I would have to be short. She was a loving mother, but her good influence was not far reaching. I left her sphere of influence when I moved to Scivillage.
I can't remember why I moved to Scivillage. It seems all so long ago. Maybe it was the lure of meeting interesting people or having a new life. Nothing of the sort happened. People saw right through me. I was an outcast from the start. I moved to a hut on the very edge of the village; a secluded spot. It was previously occupied by the village mad man. He was mad indeed. I found jars filled with body parts when I moved in; an ear, a tongue, a finger, another finger, a big toe, a small toe, a penis, some hairy balls, a piece of scalp with scarce grey hairs on them, some other unidentifiable parts. They were all his body parts. He had cut them off in times of extreme madness.
They say he was in love with someone from the village. That drove him mad. Other people said that he was born mad. During his delivery he had slipped out of the hands of the midwife and dropped on the stone floor headfirst. Others claim that he had a close encounter with a bear in the forest which ate half his ass before he could escape. Apparently he escaped by producing the foulest farts ever produced by a human being. I don't know which story is the truth, maybe they are all true, but some village elders confirmed that he was indeed capable of producing the most obnoxious farts ever known to Scivillage.
People had not been sad when he finally died. It was said that the bar was full that evening with happy people.
It could all have been a coincidence.
I moved in his hut and it took me three weeks to clean it. I still didn't dare to live in it for another 6 weeks. It was haunted. I got a bit drunk and burned the hit down. The villagers thought it was an accident and felt sorry for me. They build me a new hut. That was nice of them.
I didn't really have any skills. I was struggling to survive in Scivillage. I spend a week here and there to learn a profession but everybody kicked me out as soon as they noticed I would never be able to learn any simple task besides fucking things up. Some kept me for an hour, others for a week, mostly out of pity.
I spend a year in the forest living on cockroaches and maggots, until I found out how to catch squirrels. You dig a deep hole in the ground in which you fit entirely. Then you lie in it and cover yourself up with branches, leaves and dirt. You paint your fist so that it looks like a giant nut. You stick your hand out of the hole. Once you feel something nibbling on your nut (hand) you grab the little cretin and bite his head off.
People started avoiding me even more after some people saw me hunt squirrels. I don't know why. Maybe they are just cruel.
My life as a squirrel hunter did not last. My hunting technique proved to be too effective. I soon had eradicated all squirrel presence near Scivillage and in the surrounding area. For a while I thought about becoming a rabbit hunter, but my fingers were too small to resemble a carrot and I didn't feel like potentially losing another body part.
I turned my attention to Scivillage again. I hung out on the village square. I had effectively become a pest; a one-man youth gang. I stole apples and harassed elderly ladies. The leader of the village did not tolerate this for very long and threatened to have me executed (we still had an executioner back then). I gave up my promising career as a 'misbehaving youth' and turned to begging.
I sucked at begging because I didn't want to approach people and beg for anything. That kind of was problematic since I was a begger.
I was soon adopted by an elderly couple who threw me out 2 months later for excessive masturbation.
I was desperate now. I started drawing naked ladies on pieces of discarded paper. A man had been looking over my shoulders and asked if he could have the drawing. He gave me 50 Sci cent for it. I soon learned that men were willing to pay much more for that for artistically drawn naked ladies. I had found a means of living.
An hour worth of drawing made me enough money to spend an entire evening in the bar drinking.
I was an ambitious young man though. I felt that this hour of drawing was a waste of time. I made a secret distillery and learned how to make Scirum. It would take me 10 minutes in the morning to fill up my distillery and could do whatever I wanted the rest of the day. My life had become full and meaningful.
) body. it didn't smell like spurious, who has been laying under a bush all day, probably drunk, according to my tracking device. that can only mean one thing; someone else knows about the hut. they'll be back. i'll have to suppliment the traps with firepits. this will call for more fuel. no sleep tonight: must assemble booby traps around the parameter of the hut.