Jokes and Funny Stories II

paddoboy said:
"Hello, Señor Roy? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."


"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"


"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Roy, that your parrot, he is dead".


"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"


"Si, Señor, that's the one."


"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"


"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Roy."


"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"


"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."


"Dead horse? What dead horse?"


"The thoroughbred, Señor Roy."


"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"


"Yes, Señor Roy, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."


"Are you insane? What water cart?"


"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."


"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"


"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."


"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"


"Yes, Señor Roy."


"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"


"For the funeral, Señor Roy."


"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"


"Your wife's, Señor Roy. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G20 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."




SILENCE...........


LONG SILENCE.........


VERY LONG SILENCE…………


"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!!"
Click to expand...

Hahaha..anything but the golf club.
 
HUSBAND AND WIFE

Now it is 11:59 pm. So husband and wife gonna sleep though the husband is drunk a little.

After 3 hours........the husband found something heavy on his body and then....

Husband: what is this on my body hah ??

Wife: Its my leg honey !

Husband: Keep it away from me now.

After 5 minutes.......

Husband: what the hell is on my body again ??

Wife: Its my another leg, sweet heart ! !

Husband: F:D:Dk it away from me !

And after 15 minutes......

Husband: Hey... What the hell is going on again hah ?!!

Wife: Its my leg.

Husband: what the f:confused::confused:k !! Hey.... how many legs you have ? Turn on the switch(of light bulb) and show me now.
 
NAUGHTY KID


One day a bald gentleman was walking beside a building. Suddenly he found that a kid is spitting on him from 3rd floor of the building and ........

Gentleman: Hey kid ! You should spit carefully ok !?

Kid: I tried to spit on your bald head carefully but I failed :D:D
 
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QUESTION KID

Kid: Why we eat food grandmother:?

Grandmother: Because we eat to live.

Kid: Why babies drink milk only grandmother:?

Grandmother: Because they have no teeth.

Kid: Why they(babies) pissing on bed grandmother:?

Grandmother: Because they are stupid.

Kid: Hey grandmother ! Where the sun came from:?

Grandmother: From morning.

Kid: How the morning came grandmother:?

Grandmother: After the death of night, and this ghost(morning) of night is came..:D

..........And the grandmother is became angry for questions but grandfather is here also..

Kid: Why there are many human in the world grandmother:?

Grandmother: Because those assholes wanna die here.

Kid: I mean, where are they came from grandmother:?

Grandmother: From human.

Kid: But how grandmother:?

Grandmother: Because humen are producing humen.

Kid: How can humen produce humen grandmother:?

Grandmother: Hey ! What the hell about your so many questions here !! Go to your mother now.

Grandfather: ( to grandmother) The kid asked you questions, and I think you should answer those....

Grandmother: (to grandfather) Shut up ! Asshole !!
 
A man became a magistrate. One day he with his wife in a bus is ready to journey. Actually the man is a new magistrate so now he wanna show his special ability to his wife..

After few minutes the magistrate found an old man with a radio and he called this old man......

Magistrate: What is your name ?

Oldman: Abu.

Magistrate: Give me the radio.

The oldman gave his radio.

Magistrate: Is it yours ?

Oldman: yes.

Magistrate: Have you any license or document of it now ?

Oldman: No.

Magistrate: Go home and bring those. You can't get this radio without document ok !

After few hours the oldman with some guys asked magistrate..........

Oldman: Who is the lady ?

Magistrate: She is my wife.

Oldman: Really !? Have you any license or document of it now ?

Magistrate: no.

Oldman: Go home. Now your lady is mine. You can't get this lady without document :D
 
INTELLIGENT BOY

The boy had a younger brother.
One day the boy came to his father and said......

Boy: Dady ! Dady ! Do you know what happened ?

Father: what ?

Boy: My brother was eating an big apple but there were many worms in that apple and he ate already half of that with worms.

Father: Oh my God ! Its too dangerous !

Boy : Don't worry Dady ! Because I did some special after it.

Father: what you did son ?

Boy: We had liquid toxic in a bottle, so I gave him to drink it to kill those worms and he did it. He was trying to vomit this toxic and crying but I didn't let him to do vomit. Now its ok and he is sleeping.:)
 
JOB

Two inspectors from family planning office knocking a door. After 1 minute a 3 years old boy opened the door.........

Boy: who ? Who are you ?

Inspectors: We are officers. Call your father.

Boy: He is busy, he is working.

Inspectors: Ok. Call your mother.

Boy: No. She is busy too with my father. They are working together.

Inspectors: Ok! Ok ! Listen ! It is important so call them for a minute.

Boy: No. I can't disturb them because they will beat me.

Inspectors: Well. How many brothers and sisters you have ?

Boy: we are 14 brothers. I'm younger. And my mother is pregnant also.

Inspectors: Oh my God !! Its too much ! So they produced 14 babies and wanna another also ! What kind of job that they are busy at...!!! Call them right now.

Boy: All time they are busy and doing this job in their room.
 
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paddoboy said:
"Hello, Señor Roy? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."


"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"


"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Roy, that your parrot, he is dead".


"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"


"Si, Señor, that's the one."


"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"


"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Roy."


"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"


"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."


"Dead horse? What dead horse?"


"The thoroughbred, Señor Roy."


"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"


"Yes, Señor Roy, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."


"Are you insane? What water cart?"


"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."


"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"


"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."


"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"


"Yes, Señor Roy."


"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"


"For the funeral, Señor Roy."


"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"


"Your wife's, Señor Roy. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G20 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."




SILENCE...........


LONG SILENCE.........


VERY LONG SILENCE…………


"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!!"
Click to expand...
Actually I found your joke as a joke today and I think its a joke also to me:)
 
paddoboy said:
"Hello, Señor Roy? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."


"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"


"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Roy, that your parrot, he is dead".


"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"


"Si, Señor, that's the one."


"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"


"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Roy."


"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"


"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."


"Dead horse? What dead horse?"


"The thoroughbred, Señor Roy."


"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"


"Yes, Señor Roy, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."


"Are you insane? What water cart?"


"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."


"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"


"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."


"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"


"Yes, Señor Roy."


"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"


"For the funeral, Señor Roy."


"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"


"Your wife's, Señor Roy. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G20 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."




SILENCE...........


LONG SILENCE.........


VERY LONG SILENCE…………


"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!!"
Click to expand...

A Hindu gentleman was trying to find out a perfect young man for his young girl but he failed. So he called a matchmaker to solve the problem.

Gentleman: Haare Krishna !! Hey matchman, do you know any........?

Matchman: No tension sir ! I know a guy is 99% perfect but he eats meat.

Gentleman: What ?! He should be a vegetarian you know ?

Matchman: Don't worry about it because he doesn't do that all time. When he drinks wine then he needs meat only.

Gentleman: What the silly ! He takes wine also ! I guess he is not a good guy.

Matchmam: Don't worry about it sir. He doesn't do that every day. When he wanna go to ***** girls then he needs wine only.

Gentleman: Haare Krishna !! He is a bastard also ! Oh no !! Hey matchman, but I think its about more money so how he is earning money ??

Matchman: Robbery, blackmail........etc.

Gentleman: Oh my Krishna(god) !! Haare rama haare rama, rama rama haare haare !!! What a bastard he is !

Matchman: D:Dn't worry about it sir. He doesn't do that all time. Actually he lives in central jail and its about maximum time of year. And he does it when he is not in jail:)
 
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