Is sexual jealousy inappropriate?

Sexual jealousy: is it time to get over it?

  • I have no problem if my partner has other sexual partners

    Votes: 2 8.3%

  • I insist on sexual fidelity or else!

    Votes: 14 58.3%

  • Some other opinion

    Votes: 8 33.3%
  • Total voters
    24
Lucysnow said:
Enmos: Jealousy may be a misquided perception of mal-intention by someone else.

Or not. You are assuming people have affairs to deliberately hurt their partner.
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No, I'm saying that's what someone that is jealous may perceive. Misguided perception.

Lucysnow said:
Well that would be inappropriate wouldn't it and a reflection on you not the neighbor.
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Of course. That's what jealousy is about, isn't it ? It's about you, not the person or thing you're jealous about.

Lucysnow said:
Only if you are a psychotic with a personality disorder. Think about your argument for a moment and see how absolutely insane and narcissistic it sounds. I don't think you really believe that you have the right to aggress someone simply because they chose to do with themselves or their money what free will dictates.
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I think you misread somewhere. The neighbor was being an asshole by playing on your jealousy, which he was well aware of.

Lucysnow said:
And who would look like the asshole? Who would look out of control? Who is the one reacting without grace or dignity?
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Both. But that's not the point.
The point is what's proportional.
 
ravosk said:
"Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want." - Enmos

Not so. Desire can be percepted to mean as such but it is something that can be obtained. As in a man can desire a job. All that has to be done is to try.
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Ok, maybe I could have worded it better.

'Desire' can mean what I said earlier, and is often used that way.
Desire is often connected to a 'great want'.
 
Ravosk: But strangely enough this isnt just a matter of religion. Obviously a persons religion can effect their actions and how they view others actions. I see Buddhism more as a way of mind than a religion as it is the concepts that one takes into account. Like when I seen the posts here you seemed to be trying to find fault with what EmmZ had said. I don't know if this is the case but, surely not only her beliefs could have caused her to say the things she has.

I haven't a clue as what forms her views. Buddhism is irrelevant to this topic and yes I do find fault with her point of view as she hasn't really elaborated on points I wanted her to clarify.

"It's also a matter of accepting what other people have to say regardless of religion. Just because they are a different religion and see things in a slightly different light, a persons feelings may be the same. And it's not outside of buddhist references. It's using her knowledge to add to the whole idea of this arguement. Desire is just a word, many people will see it as a thing close to love as it is seen as a strong word but people can also see it as what it actually means. It is just another word for want."

This is a debate-discussion isn't it? We are going to have different views, we are also going to be challenged about our views. You brought up religion she hasn't said anything to make me think she was buddhist or anything else. She didn't discuss it. Desire being equivilant to want...no argument there. I am the one who is saying love is more than sexual fidelity.
 
ravosk
I was talking about one particular interpretation of 'desire'. And it is the one I most associate it with. So my interpretation may be a bit personal.

Main Entry: desire
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: A strong wanting of what promises enjoyment or pleasure.
Synonyms: appetence, appetency, appetite, craving, hunger, itch, longing, lust, thirst, wish, yearning, yen

---

long·ing
–noun
1. strong, persistent desire or craving, esp. for something unattainable or distant: filled with longing for home.
 
I'm just saying that peoples wants are effected by many aspects of their life. As one person could easily have multiple relationships and it not feel wrong to them. Others see a relationship as a commitment to the one they are with and wouldn't want to break the trust they had by having an affair. This could be argued all day but ultimately everyone is different and will see things in a different way. As far as my own experience goes there are three conceptual realities in accordance to right and wrong....White Grey and Black as there always has to be a middle ground. And it is a persons choices that define the structure of their ideals
 
Ravosk: Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want.

Not necessarily. We may desire from afar but if we're sleeping with it it can hardly be judged as out of reach. If the want is unrealistic then there would be no reason for jealousy as their would be no threat.

"But there should be some values based on the realtionship as otherwise why would a couple be together if they could just have sex?"

Now you have my point. Values shared can be more than where one chooses to rub their loins or with whom. When I mentioned Simone and Satre who stayed together some 51yrs in an open relationship it was to illustrate that there can be a bond greater than sexual fidelity. In their case they shared intellectual pursuits together, creative pursuits and were each other's best friends as well as lovers.
 
Fair enough Enmos, but I was merely stating that a persons desire is not always that far out of reach. It may even be something fairly simple.
 
Ok Enmos I think we agree on most points here. I thought you were using those examples literally to illustrate how appropriate they were.
 
ravosk said:
Fair enough Enmos, but I was merely stating that a persons desire is not always that far out of reach. It may even be something fairly simple.
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Ah yea.. I was getting a bit overboard on definitions :eek:
 
"Ravosk: Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want."

I wasn't the one who said this.

And in answer to the latter statement. If you chose to be in a commited relationship, not a loose relationship, then the idea of infidelity is wrong. As you have both commited yourselves into a relationship with each other.
 
ravosk said:
"Ravosk: Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want."

I wasn't the one who said this.
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Uhm no, that was me. I was getting a bit overboard on definitions.

o·ver·board
—Idiom
2. go overboard, to go to extremes, esp. in regard to approval or disapproval of a person or thing

;)

Oh right.. you were talking to Lucy. Sorry.

ravosk said:
And in answer to the latter statement. If you chose to be in a commited relationship, not a loose relationship, then the idea of infidelity is wrong. As you have both commited yourselves into a relationship with each other.
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True.
 
Ravosk: And in answer to the latter statement. If you chose to be in a commited relationship, not a loose relationship, then the idea of infidelity is wrong. As you have both commited yourselves into a relationship with each other.

So commitment is defined by sexual fidelity and nothing else? If a man is in a committed relationship and sleepa with a hooker for an hour one night then he is no longer committed to the relationship with his wife of 20 years?
 
Sorry, I'm a primitive animal. It's fidelity or abandonment.

Hey! Darwin's rules, not mine.
 
If he is looking for a hooker then clearly he is looking to have a brief realtionship that won't effect his relationship with his wife. This can often take a lot more thought than just falling for someone else. Fair enough he doesn't want to get into another relationship but still. And if he feels that he has to go to a hooker then there is clearly something not quite right with the commitment as otherwise would he not be able to talk to his wife? And would there be anything stopping him doing it again aftwerwards? After all he has done it once.
 
Ravosk: If he is looking for a hooker then clearly he is looking to have a brief realtionship that won't effect his relationship with his wife.

So hookers are ok but having a mistress isn't?

R: This can often take a lot more thought than just falling for someone else.

I agree.

R: Fair enough he doesn't want to get into another relationship but still.

R: And if he feels that he has to go to a hooker then there is clearly something not quite right with the commitment as otherwise would he not be able to talk to his wife?

Why does it mean there is a problem with the commitment? Maybe he likes blowjobs and his wife doesn't like giving them. Maybe he was having a moment he'll soon forget about. What does being able to talk to ones wife have to do with hookers? Granted he doesn't have to talk to the hooker. But why does his desire mean his wife is doing something wrong? Maybe she's sexy, smart, beautiful and an incredible partner...yet he sometimes desires variety. Its not a reflection on her as a partner.

R: And would there be anything stopping him doing it again aftwerwards? After all he has done it once.

No there isn't, that's correct, but it doesn't mean the act directly threatens the relationship.
 
ravosk said:
If he is looking for a hooker then clearly he is looking to have a brief realtionship that won't effect his relationship with his wife. This can often take a lot more thought than just falling for someone else. Fair enough he doesn't want to get into another relationship but still. And if he feels that he has to go to a hooker then there is clearly something not quite right with the commitment as otherwise would he not be able to talk to his wife? And would there be anything stopping him doing it again aftwerwards? After all he has done it once.
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I tend to agree with your point about repetitive behaviour. Once a person has engaged in sex outside of a monogamous relationship there is a greater chance of them doing it again. After all our mind is just a collection of habits. We do tend to behave in ways we are familiar with. It's been said many times how we are creatures of habit.
 
"So hookers are ok but having a mistress isn't?" - Lucy Snow

You clearly do not get the point do you? A long term affair is different to bedding a hooker. And even still its wrong. I was stating that it would be less of a weight on someones conscience, to bed a hooker rather than having a regular mistress.

You seem to have your head so far up your own ass that you don't actually pay attention to what is said.
 
Spencer and Hepburn; the great romantic love hollywood affair! Does the phrase 'in the closet' sound familiar?

If you want to keep the house, the car, the job and the 2.5 kids better keep quiet about your petite charades. The status quo must be maintained or the whole political edifice/artifice will come crashing down around your shoulders.
 
ravosk: You clearly do not get the point do you? A long term affair is different to bedding a hooker. And even still its wrong. I was stating that it would be less of a weight on someones conscience, to bed a hooker rather than having a regular mistress.
You seem to have your head so far up your own ass that you don't actually pay attention to what is said.

What makes you think it would bother someone's conscience either way? If infidelity is wrong its wrong right, whether one does so for an hour or for a few years. You say its wrong but its only considered wrong for you. The question is whether sexual jealousy is APPROPRIATE OR NOT! Whether it serves someone given that many people do, have and will continue to go outside a relationship. Perhaps if you had read the opening question you wouldn't have YOUR head stuck so far up MY ass.

Sniffy: Spencer and Hepburn; the great romantic love hollywood affair! Does the phrase 'in the closet' sound familiar?

I'm not sure how much in the closet it was as far as hollywood was concerned but it was definitely kept out of the press. Can you imagine they starred in so many films together his wife must have known, but he was a catholic (as well as his wife) and didn't want to leave nor hurt his family BUT he couldn't live without Cathrine whom towards he had a deeper emotional and intellectual bond.
cathrine loved him with everything she had as she later said and had a really amazing partner...even though he was married.

Sniffy: If you want to keep the house, the car, the job and the 2.5 kids better keep quiet about your petite charades. The status quo must be maintained or the whole political edifice/artifice will come crashing down around your shoulders.

Good point. Isn't it interesting that a partner can be penalized in the courts for havinig an affair? Its the reason why people lie isn't it? People are penalized for their desires. If they choose to divorce to be with another then the courts penalize and if they want to stay their spouse can have that alimony payment hanging over the head.
 
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