Is sexual jealousy inappropriate?

Sexual jealousy: is it time to get over it?

  • I have no problem if my partner has other sexual partners

    Votes: 2 8.3%

  • I insist on sexual fidelity or else!

    Votes: 14 58.3%

  • Some other opinion

    Votes: 8 33.3%
  • Total voters
    24
lucysnow, I believe you're using quite emotive language in this thread. Calling me arrogant and naive isn't really making your point, it's just shitslingging, so with that I'll thank you wholeheartedly for the conversation but I'll leave it to others to discourse with you if they so choose. Thanks, EmmZ X
 
Last edited:
visceral_instinct: If I see a guy I like with another girl I want to go rip her eyes out...

Ahh, how healthy, loving and mature. Why not simply tattoo your name on his penis so everyone knows to whom he belongs. Or better yet you can place a chip inside sending out a signal every time he has a hard on when you are not in his presence.

Emmz: Very well if you cannot respond to the post. Being unable to explain your use of language ie delusions or being unable to justify your feelings of compassion where it is unnecessary (a show of arrogance) and simply fleeing the thread when someone points out an opinion as showing naivety is all part and parcel of discourse...get used to it. I suspect you are just too young to really know anything about the subject anyway.
 
Jealousy can be perceived as inappropriate, but what are you going to do if you're jealous ? You can't just turn it off... :shrug:
 
Last edited:
Enmos, I agree. Its not so much the feeling of jealousy but what it can make us do or become, yet its a natural response to many situations. Someone can feel jealous of their partners best friends or success or by the attention they receive (jealousy doesnt only present itself because of infidelity) but is it appropriate to allow ones jealousy to rule ones behaviour. Perhaps it would be more interesting to consider the root of this insidious emotion, I believe jealousy reveals more about the person feeling it than the person we believe has stirred, perhaps unwittingly, said emotion. Its a feeling we have to work out for ourselves but usually we try and control or manipulate another thinking it will erase our feelings or we blame the other for having the feeling. Its almost like not taking ownership for our emotions and make someone else responsible for it. I cannot remember a single time that jealousy ever worked out in my favor. Anytime I have ever acted out of jealousy I felt the fool. It makes one terribly undignified, it leaves a bitter taste behind and perverts our actions, jealousy is ugly. Jealousy is a form of envy, its a signal that we are vulnerable, threatened and insecure, filled with self-doubt. Jealousy takes our personal power away and hands it over to outside forces.
 
Last edited:
Lucysnow said:
Enmos, I agree. Its not so much the feeling of jealousy but what it can make us do or become, yet its a natural response to many situations. Someone can feel jealous of their partners best friends or success or by the attention they receive (jealousy doesnt only present itself because of infidelity) but is it appropriate to allow ones jealousy to rule ones behaviour. Perhaps it would be more interesting to consider the root of this insidious emotion, I believe jealousy reveals more about the person feeling it than the person we believe has stirred, perhaps unwittingly, said emotion. Its a feeling we have to work out for ourselves but usually we try and control or manipulate another thinking it will erase our feelings or we blame the other for having the feeling. Its almost like not taking ownership for our emotions and make someone else responsible for it. I cannot remember a single time that jealousy ever worked out in my favor. Anytime I have ever acted out of jealousy I felt the fool. It makes one terribly undignified, it leaves a bitter taste behind and perverts our actions, jealousy is ugly. Jealousy is a form of envy, its a signal that we are vulnerable, threatened and insecure, filled with self-doubt. Jealousy takes our personal power away and hands it over to outside forces.
Click to expand...

Yes, I think the real question is "Is acting on sexual jealousy inappropriate?".
Acting on jealousy will mean engaging in a number of possible inappropriate sorts of behavior, such as sneering, 'looking for a fight' or, worse, killing people.
I think the inappropriateness of the resulting behavior is also, mostly, reversely proportional to the inappropriateness of the cause of jealousy.
 
Can you change the post please? I edited a good deal of it.

Enmos: I think the inappropriateness of the resulting behavior is reversely proportional to the cause of jealousy.

Not necessarily. Haven't you heard of the guy who hits his girlfriend for talking to someone else?
 
Lucysnow said:
Can you change the post please? I edited a good deal of it.

Enmos: I think the inappropriateness of the resulting behavior is reversely proportional to the cause of jealousy.

Not necessarily. Haven't you heard of the guy who hits his girlfriend for talking to someone else?
Click to expand...

I changed your quote.
I also edited my post ;)

Well, in the example you gave the cause is not inappropriate at all.
So any behavior as a result of jealousy would be inappropriate.
 
Well what is an appropriate way to show jealousy outside of telling someone you feel jealous and why? I mean if it really really is unacceptable to know that the person you love is having a fling or affair or whatever then there are only two options, leave or try and manipulate them into behaving differently.
 
Last edited:
Lucysnow said:
Well what is an appropriate way to show jealousy outside of telling someone you feel jealous and why? I mean if it really really is unacceptable to know that the person you love is having a fling or affair or whatever then there are only two options, leave or try and manipulate them into behaving differently.
Click to expand...

Well.. hmm..
You agree with what I wrote, right ? I can't explain your post in any other way.
 
"Emmz: Very well if you cannot respond to the post. Being unable to explain your use of language ie delusions or being unable to justify your feelings of compassion where it is unnecessary (a show of arrogance) and simply fleeing the thread when someone points out an opinion as showing naivety is all part and parcel of discourse...get used to it. I suspect you are just too young to really know anything about the subject anyway." - Lucysnow

I'm sorry but do you even know what you aqre talking about here? As I have seen in other posts EmmZ is Buddhist so most of the references to such as delusions are quite correct. There are five main delusions according to Buddhist belief. Desire is one of the delusions as it is a concept to a being wanting something else. Desire can be said to most things but nowadays we have simpler words for it. A child may want an ice cream or desire an ice cream but it's not a thing over love and lust it's just a concept as to something that can be obtained.

Most people feel that they can be with one person forever, but after a while things start to change. Does that mean they have the right to have an affair? Many feelings can cause problems that just overrule senses. Such as envy, "If I see a guy I like with another girl I want to go rip her eyes out..." - visceral_instinct. This sort of thing is what can drive people to doing something stupid. Thoughts born from emotion can often have disasterous effects, but it is up to the person who has those thoughts to decide how to act upon them.
 
Enmos: Well if you agree that the only appropriate way of showing ones jealousy is by telling the person you feel jealous and why I guess we do agree, but I disagree that jealousy is always proportionate to whatever action another takes. We have no rights over other's, if they behave in a way we don't like then we should leave or accept it and deal with ourselves. We don't have ownership over anothers desire or body simply because we love them.

Ravosk: I am not a buddhist so her references are meaningless and she fails to describe her use of the word 'delusions' in the context of this argument. This isn't a discussion on buddhism vis a vis jealousy and sexual inappropriatness. If she cannot discuss something outside of her buddhist references then she needs to stay in religion or eastern philosophy forum.

"Most people feel that they can be with one person forever, but after a while things start to change. Does that mean they have the right to have an affair?

If that is what they choose to do, obviously the answer is yes. Are you in the camp of branding the one we love? Is love a form of slavery?


"Many feelings can cause problems that just overrule senses. Such as envy, "If I see a guy I like with another girl I want to go rip her eyes out..." - visceral_instinct. This sort of thing is what can drive people to doing something stupid. Thoughts born from emotion can often have disasterous effects, but it is up to the person who has those thoughts to decide how to act upon them."

Well that's what I answered in my post more or less isn't it.
 
Last edited:
Lucysnow said:
Well if you agree that the only appropriate way of showing ones jealousy is by telling the person you feel jealous and why I guess we do agree, but I disagree that jealousy is always proportionate to whatever action another takes. We have no rights over other's, if they behave in a way we don't like then we should leave or accept it and deal with ourselves. We don't have ownership over anothers desire or body simply because we love them.
Click to expand...

I guess we agree at least for the most part.

What if you're jealous of the neighbor because he bought that car you like so much.
What if you scratch his car because you're so jealous ?

The neighbor didn't do anything inappropriate by buying that car.
You did by scratching it.
Scratching it was disproportional behavior.

If the neighbor purposely bought precisely that car because he knows you like it but cannot buy it, and he constantly lets you know this. Then acting on your jealousy is appropriate to an extent.
You can make some insulting remarks about something he owns or about one of his family members maybe (lol). That would not be disproportional.
 
Lucysnow said:
Ravosk: I am not a buddhist so her references are meaningless and she fails to describe her use of the word 'delusions' in the context of this argument. This isn't a discussion on buddhism vis a vis jealousy and sexual inappropriatness. If she cannot discuss something outside of her buddhist references then she needs to stay in religion or eastern philosophy forum.
Click to expand...

But strangely enough this isnt just a matter of religion. Obviously a persons religion can effect their actions and how they view others actions. I see Buddhism more as a way of mind than a religion as it is the concepts that one takes into account. Like when I seen the posts here you seemed to be trying to find fault with what EmmZ had said. I don't know if this is the case but, surely not only her beliefs could have caused her to say the things she has.

It's also a matter of accepting what other people have to say regardless of religion. Just because they are a different religion and see things in a slightly different light, a persons feelings may be the same. And it's not outside of buddhist references. It's using her knowledge to add to the whole idea of this arguement. Desire is just a word, many people will see it as a thing close to love as it is seen as a strong word but people can also see it as what it actually means. It is just another word for want.
 
Enmos: Jealousy may be a misquided perception of mal-intention by someone else.

Or not. You are assuming people have affairs to deliberately hurt their partner.

"What if you're jealous of the neighbor because he bought that car you like so much.
What if you scratch his car because you're so jealous ?"

Well that would be inappropriate wouldn't it and a reflection on you not the neighbor.

"If the neighbor purposely bought precisely that car because he knows you like it but cannot buy it, and he constantly lets you know this. Then acting on your jealousy is appropriate to an extent."

Only if you are a psychotic with a personality disorder. Think about your argument for a moment and see how absolutely insane and narcissistic it sounds. I don't think you really believe that you have the right to aggress someone simply because they chose to do with themselves or their money what free will dictates.

"You can make some insulting remarks about something he owns or about one of his family members maybe (lol). That would not be disproportional"

And who would look like the asshole? Who would look out of control? Who is the one reacting without grace or dignity?
 
ravosk said:
But strangely enough this isnt just a matter of religion. Obviously a persons religion can effect their actions and how they view others actions. I see Buddhism more as a way of mind than a religion as it is the concepts that one takes into account. Like when I seen the posts here you seemed to be trying to find fault with what EmmZ had said. I don't know if this is the case but, surely not only her beliefs could have caused her to say the things she has.

It's also a matter of accepting what other people have to say regardless of religion. Just because they are a different religion and see things in a slightly different light, a persons feelings may be the same. And it's not outside of buddhist references. It's using her knowledge to add to the whole idea of this arguement. Desire is just a word, many people will see it as a thing close to love as it is seen as a strong word but people can also see it as what it actually means. It is just another word for want.
Click to expand...

Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want.
 
I'm not saying whether anyone elses opinions are right or wrong as it's a persons own perceptions that do that. We cannot really say that it is right for someone to have an affair. And I'm not saying that if you are with someone they are your property. But there should be some values based on the realtionship as otherwise why would a couple be together if they could just have sex?
 
"Desire implicates the something that is wanted is out of reach of difficult to get though. It's mostly an unrealistic want." - Enmos

Not so. Desire can be percepted to mean as such but it is something that can be obtained. As in a man can desire a job. All that has to be done is to try.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top