Tell your story.
For me, I had heard about god and wasn't sure about it. We were Jewish, and I didn't really find any reason to question it until I heard about Santa Claus. I discovered, much to my amazement, that some of my friends did believe in Santa. I would ask the mothers about it, they just said it was a cute thing and not to clue them in that it wasn't real. I think I was about 10. I realized that if people would believe in Santa while the people telling them knew it was a lie, then god must be in the same family of myth.
Well, here's a brief run down of my spiritual/religious history.
I was born into a Christian family, so to speak. My mother, though not specifically Christian, considered herself "spiritual". Due to many fathers throughout my life, I can say that none of them had any effect on my religious views as a child, nor were any of them even religious. My grandmother however, she and I were typically the ones to attend church. Every Sunday I would go to an Episcopalian church. This lasted for 13 years of my life. In my teenage years, and upon having studied Christianity in depth heavily, I decided that Christianity just wasn't for me. About a year after I made this judgement, I happened to wonder into a Buddhist temple. Now, when I say happen, I mean.
I was 16 years old, driving my first car on the way home from school when I saw a beautiful red and gold building off in the distance which I had never noticed before. So, being the inquisitor that I was and still am, I decided to go check it out. At the time of this discovery, I knew virtually nothing of Buddhism other than that it was a religion just like any other. Well, I wondered in and ended up speaking to two monks there. That day I ended up staying in the temple for nearly 4 hours. I was so intrigued by not only their philosophies, but also in the astounding amount of compassion and eagerness to assist that was exhibited by the monks.
When I had asked, "What do you guys believe in?" the first thing that the older monk (both female) had said was, "Do not believe in anything we tell you." Of course, this took my by surprise. But before I could ask for clarification, she furthered by stating, "This is what we believe, but this is not what is necessarily right or wrong. Whatever we tell you, consider it and analyze it, but do not believe in it simply because the words come from our mouths." With this, they had earned my respect. But to summarize, I had become so interested in Buddhism (Mayahana - Tibetan) that I had attended the temple nearly every day for 2 hours per day after school including all day on Saturday. This lasted right at 2 1/2 years until I had left for the Air Force. In that time, I had become an student of Buddhism. My Lama and I had grown very close and we had a unique way of understanding each other, something I have not had since. I can't describe it but I can say that though it wasn't anything paranormal, it certainly was... amazing. Our thought patterns were nearly identical most of the time. It was like she and I could always know what we were thinking, even when we didn't speak; as if she was my sister or mother.
But moving on, I joined the military and maintained my idenity as "non-religious", despite having spent 2+ years learning in a Buddhist temple under the intruction of my Lama. I felt that Buddhism was/is not a religion, but a way of life - or philosophy. Furthermore, I had never taken the vows to become a Buddhist, so I would have felt it a great unjustice if I were to proclaim myself as one. But I continued my practices while in the military and in the past 4 years since my separation. I am now 26 years old and still regard Buddhism very highly and still believe in and practice the traditions. Again, I don't consider it a religion. Most of Buddhism does not dwell in the supernatural, nor do I hold any personal belief that does. Furthermore, all the while practicing Buddhism, I had also continued my studies in other religious world views, such as Hinduism, Taoism, Christianity, Paganism, and others. Over the years, my knowledge on religions has become quite accumulative.
But yet continuing on again...
Of course the God question continued to arise in my own mind. Is there a God? If so, what is God like? So, I studied more, looking for answers. The human aspect of my mind took hold for a short while in the comfort that we in fact were not alone. And thus, I related myself to Deism. A Buddhist Deist... odd.
However, as time went on, I realized that it still wasn't a valid answer. I needed more knowledge, more proof and evidence to maintain such a belief. So, I dove head first into science, learning about the universe, life, our world, etc and focused less on the spiritual/religious. The more studied, the more I learned, the more I realized that the complexities that we have in our universe, as hard as they are to conceive sometimes, do infact have natural causes. I realized that there was literally no need for a God, especially not a personal God such as those represented throughout the Abrahamic monotheisms.
So, my arrival at Atheism is based purely from a long, never-ending learning process. I've dedicated the majority of my life trying to answer the questions of "how" and "why". How does that work? Why does this do that? etc. The more I learn about existence, the more I realize that everything that has ever existed has occured naturally through various processes.
But I do not fix myself at Atheism. I would never say that, regardless of what happens, that I will always claim the title of an Atheist. I believe that we are always changing, always learning and always experiencing new things. I also understand that because we change, our beliefs may change as well. However, I don't believe I will ever be a Christian again, nor a Muslim, Jew, Hindu, or any other. I think at most, I may sway from hopeful Agnosticism to stern Atheism. But I do firmly believe that the more one learns about everything in the universe, the more it leads one towards Atheism and against the theology of there being some sort of supreme being that commands and controls (or has in the past) the universe.
