It seems you are in a never ending world of insecurity, doubt, and other things that keep your self-esteem at a nice low level.
Sorry for being blunt, but that's what I observe.
That is allright, and I agree.
Perhaps the idea of eternal damnation has been introduced because being such a formidable double bind (ie. it presents the believer with the task of reconciling God as being infinitely merciful and loving with being infinitely vindictive), it ensures that people will not reach any security or wellbeing in their theistic practice and will thus forever feel indebted to the religious institution, which in turn ensures the institution power and persistence.
On the other hand, perhaps the idea of eternal damnation has such staying power among other reasons also because being so difficult to resolve, it makes people frustrated, and then lazy and complacent, and thus seeking enjoyment in this world, trying to lord it over material nature.
So those who have some belief in eternal damnation are actually trying to lord it over material nature in two ways: one is the basic rebellion against God; the other is due to a particular understanding of theistic doctrine that makes life seem so hard and so insane that people resort to (intense) sense enjoyment.
I guess this is what I have: I am complacent about my misery. I have accepted, for some reason - probably because I was forced and because I like things to be easy - that (my) intelligence cannot penetrate and resolve the apparent contradictions in the way God is often presented by Christians; and that I might therefore as well give up on trying to intelligently understand things and instead just wallow in my misery.
I see a man in the street sometimes, for many years. He looks visibly disturbed, he is an alcoholic, very dirty. He speaks of God, praises Him. A little later, he completely changes the tone and swears and curses God. And then back to praising, and back to cursing. Ambivalently like that.
I think I am afraid that if I tried to get a clearer understanding of God, I would end up like that man. And that therefore, it would be better if I just somehow tried to accept eternal damnation and everything I have so far been taught about God by Christians. And not poke into what seems to be a hornet's nest.
I don't know, what are "normal" people?
Yes ...
Do you know, for example, Mozart's Requiem? Dies irae - Dies irae - dies illae. Quando tremor est futurus quando iudex est venturus cuncta stricte discussurus. The day of wrath - they day of tears. Oh what what trembling awaits when the judge comes with his strict judgment. - That, with that music, as loud as can be, that goes through my bones and makes me shiver and it feels paralyzing: that is my primary image of God.
Big props to Mozart, he could hold a tune, couldn't he?
Mozart came from a strict religious background (probably why he was so good).
Tell me. Who is the "judge"?
What is the day of wrath?
And what is the strict judgement?
The Judge is Jesus/God. The day of wrath is Judgment Day, when it will be judged who will go to heaven and who to hell for all eternity. The strict judgment is about heaven and hell.
Why wish?
Study the scripture they purport to be the
source of their understanding. Then debate them.
If they continue with stuff that does not coroberate
with said document. Then you know they're out of order.
But this seems so hopeless! First of all, I'd have to decide what the text is they are referring to, and whether it can indeed be considered the Bible. There are so many renditions of the Bible!
And debating - I don't think that would ever come to an end.
Okay.
Now explain why their god is not worth it, and why being with that god is
non-different to being in hell.
Explain it from the perspective of scripture.
From the perspective of which scripture, and whose understanding of the scripture?
My reasons for thinking their god is not worth it are entirely selfish.
For one, I am finding the Bible (whatever that is), to be mostly a tedious, mystical reading, I might as well be reading it in Chinese, which I don't understand a word of. I have no (positive) attraction or affection for it.
For two, if all the Christians are the representatives of God, then I wish to have nothing to do with that God because I don't want to be like the majority of Christians is. Even the pope eats meat! And popular Christian preachers speak about the joys of sex in the fifties and later.
I don't personally know or have heard of not even one person who considers themselves a Christian, whom I would look up to and wish to be like.
(Of course I feel guilty for that, and for my selfish reasons.)
I hate this.