what defines marriage?

[Lori_7]

this topic was brought up in an ethics thread about gay marriage, and i thought it was inappropriate there, and encouraged the poster free2speak to start a thread to question what defines marriage for each of us personally, and he hasn't. so i'm starting it here in the religious forum because even though it is a secular legal contract, it seems to be a derivative of religious tradition.

i'm recently married, so i'll start off by explaining how i thought about marriage. i considered mine to have 3 parts, that all supported each other, but one that was of overriding importance, that being sexual intercourse.

first part...when my rjr6 and i first had sexual intercourse, i considered myself to be his wife. i was committed to him and the relationship in that way.

then he proposed, and i accepted, and didn't have to give it any thought.

second part...then we had a religious christian wedding ceremony on a beach in mexico. very nice. and as much as i squawk about not being religious, i am a christian, and i love hearing god's word. the vows we spoke that day, and the word we did here represented what our relationship was about. we had a great minister, the most romantic setting, and it was awesome.

third part...the wedding in mexico wasn't legal, so when we returned home, we also had a ceremony at the courthouse.

 

[Dywyddyr]

Oh agrimony!
Harmony.
Ceremony.
Matrimony.
Acrimony.
Alimony.

 

[Lori_7]

Oh agrimony!
Harmony.
Ceremony.
Matrimony.
Acrimony.
Alimony.

i had to look a couple of those up. you have the same 3 parts in the same order as i do, but you added one that i think is unnecessary.

 

[sifreak21]

i had to look a couple of those up. you have the same 3 parts in the same order as i do, but you added one that i think is unnecessary.

alimony? definaly necessary.

more merrages end in devorce today than last more than 10 years sad but true. and to add to this topic if merrage is so sacred why do we have shows on tv to find a husband or wife when 99% of the people on that show want nothing more than the money and stardom

 

[superstring01]

What defines marriage? Too varried, but in most cases the successful ones include:

• Compromise
• Fidelity
• Commitment
• Respect
• Loyalty
• Trust
• Love (being, probably the last one)

~String

 

[spidergoat]

Doin' it.

 

[cosmictraveler]

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the
hope of pulling out an eel."
-Leonardo Di Vinci.

"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to
whom it may concern."
-Mickey Rooney.

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
-Johnny Carson


My wedding day... that was a beauty. I went to put the ring on... she gave me the wrong finger. (Rodney Dangerfield)



Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.


I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.



A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

 

[Lori_7]

alimony? definaly necessary.

more merrages end in devorce today than last more than 10 years sad but true. and to add to this topic if merrage is so sacred why do we have shows on tv to find a husband or wife when 99% of the people on that show want nothing more than the money and stardom

i took "alimony" to represent the secular, legal aspect of it.

the one i find particularly unnecessary is acrimony.

but like i implied in my post, i also find the religious ceremony aspect, and the secular legal aspect of it unnecessary, but supportive.

acrimony i do not find supportive.

as spidergoat says, "doin it" is what it's all about.

 

[Lori_7]

What defines marriage? Too varried, but in most cases the successful ones include:

• Compromise
• Fidelity
• Commitment
• Respect
• Loyalty
• Trust
• Love (being, probably the last one)

~String

what would have to happen for you to call yourself married? something legal, or a religious ceremony, or something else...

 

[S.A.M.]

What defines marriage? Too varried, but in most cases the successful ones include:

• Compromise
• Fidelity
• Commitment
• Respect
• Loyalty
• Trust
• Love (being, probably the last one)

~String

I'd say Compromise, Commitment and Caring. If you have these three, the respect, loyalty and trust will come and all of them together constitute love.

 

[Adstar]

this topic was brought up in an ethics thread about gay marriage, and i thought it was inappropriate there, and encouraged the poster free2speak to start a thread to question what defines marriage for each of us personally, and he hasn't. so i'm starting it here in the religious forum because even though it is a secular legal contract, it seems to be a derivative of religious tradition.

i'm recently married, so i'll start off by explaining how i thought about marriage. i considered mine to have 3 parts, that all supported each other, but one that was of overriding importance, that being sexual intercourse.

first part...when my rjr6 and i first had sexual intercourse, i considered myself to be his wife. i was committed to him and the relationship in that way.

then he proposed, and i accepted, and didn't have to give it any thought.

second part...then we had a religious christian wedding ceremony on a beach in mexico. very nice. and as much as i squawk about not being religious, i am a christian, and i love hearing god's word. the vows we spoke that day, and the word we did here represented what our relationship was about. we had a great minister, the most romantic setting, and it was awesome.

third part...the wedding in mexico wasn't legal, so when we returned home, we also had a ceremony at the courthouse.

A marriage to me is all about the making of a clear public announcement by two people, of their commitment to be husband and wife for life.

I do not think it is necessary to have a "religious function" to be married. For me it would be very hard to find any "religious" organization that i could accept as true to the message of Jesus. Therefore if i wanted to get married and wanted a "religious" function i would have to compromise my faith to God, and i would never do such a thing, so i would have to remain single for life.

As a Christian i do not believe in Oaths and that’s what marriage vows are. So i would let my yes be yes and my no be no and leave it at that.



All Praise The Ancient Of Days

 

[Lori_7]

A marriage to me is all about the making of a clear public announcement by two people, of their commitment to be husband and wife for life.

I do not think it is necessary to have a "religious function" to be married. For me it would be very hard to find any "religious" organization that i could accept as true to the message of Jesus. Therefore if i wanted to get married and wanted a "religious" function i would have to compromise my faith to God, and i would never do such a thing, so i would have to remain single for life.

As a Christian i do not believe in Oaths and that’s what marriage vows are. So i would let my yes be yes and my no be no and leave it at that.



All Praise The Ancient Of Days

what if there was no one else around to make an announcement to?

 

[Lori_7]

I'd say Compromise, Commitment and Caring. If you have these three, the respect, loyalty and trust will come and all of them together constitute love.

but does love constitute marriage? you could have all of these aspects with a friend right?

 

[S.A.M.]

but does love constitute marriage? you could have all of these aspects with a friend right?

Sure, and I think its really important for a couple to be good friends - maybe even best friends to each other.

You should only marry someone who can be a really good friend to you. Thats the stuff that lasts.

 

[river-wind]

On a social level, marriage is the public commitment two people make to each other regarding their intent to hang out with each other for a really long time. This public announcement makes society aware of this commitment so that it can, at a later date, apply peer pressure on those individuals to stay together long past when the relationship is healthy - for the benefit of a more stable society.

This likely does improve society by removing much of the drive for finding a mate from the day-to-day activities of the individuals; refocusing that time and energy towards projects that more directly benefit the society as a whole.



Note, I'm specifically not talking about what makes up a healthy, caring and loving relationship; just marriage as an institution.

 

[scifes]

a contract between a man and woman signaling the establishment of a family.

gays living together don't register as married to me. no family potential per se.

bfs and gfs aren't married, no contract.

 

[heart]

a contract between a man and woman signaling the establishment of a family.

gays living together don't register as married to me. no family potential per se.

bfs and gfs aren't married, no contract.

What about a man and woman who have no desire to start a family, are they put into the same category as homosexuals?

Homosexuals most certainly can and do have children- so now what?

 

[scifes]

What about a man and woman who have no desire to start a family, are they put into the same category as homosexuals?

:scratchin:
i thought of that actually..just hoped nobody else will

i don't know, can't quite put my finger on it.

Homosexuals most certainly can and do have children- so now what?

that's news to me...

 

[Lori_7]

Sure, and I think its really important for a couple to be good friends - maybe even best friends to each other.

You should only marry someone who can be a really good friend to you. Thats the stuff that lasts.

yes i agree, but what determines the couple amongst other friends? what is the commitment, and where does it begin, and where does it end, if it ends?

 

[Lori_7]

On a social level, marriage is the public commitment two people make to each other regarding their intent to hang out with each other for a really long time. This public announcement makes society aware of this commitment so that it can, at a later date, apply peer pressure on those individuals to stay together long past when the relationship is healthy - for the benefit of a more stable society.

on a social level, i think it has more to do with obligations...financial, and towards children.

This likely does improve society by removing much of the drive for finding a mate from the day-to-day activities of the individuals; refocusing that time and energy towards projects that more directly benefit the society as a whole.

like what, making money? i disagree that our priorities and conditioning as a society are improving much of anything. even if you want to argue money, how much is wasted on divorce proceedings?

Note, I'm specifically not talking about what makes up a healthy, caring and loving relationship; just marriage as an institution.