Jokes and Funny Stories II

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[sculptor]

Trucker stumbles into a bar and orders a "whiskey-double"
chugs it down and mutters "God damn--son of a bitch"
orders another
chugs it down
and exclaims- "Jesus Christ, God damn--son of a bitch"
orders another
chugs it down and screams
JESUS CHRIST, GOD DAMN, SON OF A BITCH
orders another
whereupon, the bartender says
"I don't know what your problem is buddy, but you've got to tone it down"
Trucker says
"why?"
Bartender responds:
"Because, if the nuns in the convent next door hear you, we're gonna have a problem"
Trucker says:
"Nuns, did you say nuns?
Bartender says:
"Yeh, nuns, they live next door"
Trucker says
"Jesus Christ, god bless you"
"I could have sworn that I just ran over 2 six foot penguins!"

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Michael 345]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[Magical Realist]

Contact made, circa 1966, Gladys Crabtree's house, 124 Peacock Lane, Hoboken, NJ

 

[Michael 345]

What's the difference between a banjo and a onion?

Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo

 

[sideshowbob]

What's the difference between a banjo and a onion?

Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo

I like banjos but I like the joke too. I think I've heard the same joke applied to bagpipes. I like bagpipes too.

 

[Write4U]

I still like this wonderful little skit;

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[DaveC426913]

I like banjos...

Then maybe you'll like this as much as I do.

I also really like Dueling Banjos, (and not in an ironic way):

I like bagpipes too.

 

[Magical Realist]

 

[sculptor]

Every time the old woodworker lifted a board onto the table saw, his back ached. When he bent to pick up something, his legs shook. And when he worked on the lathe for a while, his hands vibrated.

Finally, his wife persuaded him to go to the doctor.

When he came home, his face was ashen.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she asked.

“It’s these pills the doctor gave me.”

“What are they for?”

“Chronic pain, the doc said.”

“And what’s the problem?”

“Well, he said to take one every morning for the rest of my life.”

“And…”

“He only gave me a dozen!”

 

[DaveC426913]

I read " the old woodpecker...".

It sure can't have anything to do with the fact that, not twelve seconds ago, I was poring over this page.

 

[sculptor]