More than that, I have heard and felt what "men" consider to be masculinity throughout my growing-up and all I can say is that in my experience, it is very much artificial.
SPORTS. Two hundred years ago, what we know as American sports did NOT exist. There was no baseball, football, basketball. (maybe crude precursors to them, I'm no sports historian, but they never made the front page of any newspaper)
Buddha1 is from an unspecified country, but in America, what I'm describing is true for the most part...
THESE DAYS, it's used to measure how much of a man you are. People who have their lives invested in this may not see it this way (probably don't WANT to see it this way), but in MY growing up, if you didn't care about sports and/or weren't very good at it, you were considered lesser. You were talked down to. That is not just my opinion or any kind of joke!
And I know for a fact that this is considered to be a part of heterosexuality, at least in America. If you're not interested in sports, then you at least have to be interested in women. And make it VISIBLY known. If both of those things are missing (interest in sports and/or interest in women) you're automatically called a queer. I only say this as a person who grew up not being interested in either. If they say that the power structure doesn't revolve around this, they either didn't grow up going to a normal school, or they're lying.
Like I say, in modern America, sports, more than anything, defines what a man is. I really don't know anyone who hasn't at least tried to fit in with that culture. Sports defines a man where I'm from. If you're not into some type of sport, then the burden is on YOU to explain/prove yourself. You have to conform to some kind of masculine stereotype. There is no exception.
DID YOU READ WHAT I JUST SAID ABOVE?????
Either you're WAY into sports, or you at least talk the hell out of fucking some little bitch. Other than that, your masculinity is questioned. And this really makes a lot of people squirm. They have to prove themselves.
Even people who claim to be separate from those roles usually conform to some, if not most of them. (maybe that's what makes them so sure of themselves: they've already won their "trophy" so they can look back on all of it with a little bit of skepticism) The only thing that separates them from the rest of the DOGS (and I mean DOGS in the most sincere sense of the word, so make the most it!) is that they won't hold it over your head if you don't conform. They'll tell you that it's okay, even though they consciously or unconsciously continue to uphold those rather artificial standards.
I say all of this VERY SINCERELY as a person who has grown up being completely different from what is normally considered manly.
I have seen people struggling to hold to these societal contrivances even though they really appeared to be faking it (and this wasn't just MY observance, but those around me). I have long believed that masculinity, especially for certain persons, was purely SHOW, POMP, FLOURISH... nothing else. I was even attracted to one of these people.
I could tell that he liked me (we were both guys, and still are, HAHA), but I could also see that these false requirements for being a "man" required him to pretend that I really didn't mean all that much to him, even though I that he liked me above and beyond what would ordinarily be expected of a "man". It was as if there was some invisible eye that was watching every action of his and determining what was masculine or not, and he was performing, as it were, for that unseen eye.
I KNEW without a doubt it was a lie. But he played along with it. I wasn't the only person that noticed. Other people commented about the "show" he was putting on.
I really wonder what ever happened to him. I cared about him, more than I've ever cared about anyone and probably more than I SHOULD have cared about him, because now I see that my attentions and my cares were wasted on someone who cared more about being what they THOUGHT they should be than what they actually were. And I mean that. I've never been both physically and emotionally attracted to anybody like that, so it made a very big impression on me.
That real-life example from my own life, as well as a few others that came close to being that, taught me alot about how fake "straightness" and "masculinity" could really be.
I find it very revealing that people that are identified as homophobes (people who act like they're allergic to homosexuality) are actually very possibly hiding their own homosexual attractions (according to a recent study).
I don't believe, no matter what anyone reading this thread has deduced, that every man has these hidden feelings for other guys. I can't and I won't ever say such things. I think there is a certain percentage of guys that, despite them calling themselves "straight", and despite the false expectations of modern society defining them as such, they are definitely not all that straight.
All I can say with certainty is that masculinity and the so-called heterosexuality that goes along with it is NOT as strong and bullet-proof as it claims to be. I've met people that claimed to be "straight" but their actions and words spoke otherwise. And like Buddha1, I've learned NEVER to take what a man says about his sexuality literally, because there's so many exceptions, and alot of things won't be spoken of with all honesty because everything they've worked for to establish their masculinity is at stake.
Having said that, WHAT does Buddha1 have to say about homosexuality??? I would like to hear it. I've heard him say that he really gets into a big argument with so-called homosexuals. And what is this argument? I've already agreed that "masculinity" and heterosexuality, especially as it is viewed in America, is rather scripted and best avoided, if one has their own mind about such things, and many people apparently don't.
So what of my attraction to my own gender? Are you going to pick away at me now? I've acknowledged most things you've layed out, and I am truly interested in what you've had to say, because until this time, I've only seen these things mentioned in passing. And usually from a feminist standpoint. Most men won't call modern masculinity feeble. Even though that's really what it is.
Well? How are you going to denigrate me? Or are you? If your goal is to push some kind of bisexuality on people, I can tell you that I DO, from time to time, find females somewhat attractive, but that is BENEATH ME.
What is heterosexuality, and why should I care to be a part of it? Does humanity need more of them?!?!? I VOMIT at that very prospect! There's more than enough of them, and some of them are faking it. And yet, MORE children are being born. After all, isn't that what straight people NATURALLY do? Why does the world need more children? I truly feel sorry for all the children who don't even have decent parents these days. And people that consider themselves decent parents (and procreating heterosexuals nonetheless) ARE NOT adopting or helping these children in any way.
Religious conservatives and fundamentalists can go on and on about how evil and hellbound gay people are, but the 30 million or so children that starve to death each year are NOT being caused by homosexuals. And ALL homosexuals were indeed born of a heterosexual coupling. So if they hate us an think themselves so superior because of their "orientation", then they are gravely mistaken.
Again, I must say that I've enjoyed Buddha1's rant, and that I agree where most people would either disagree or not know what to say.
However, what is this that you have to say about people like me who will not have anything to do with this false power structure? Am I somehow WRONG? Do I have to yet conform to someone else's ideals on how I should live?
I consider NO MAN worthy to tell me what I should do. I never asked to come into this world. I was brought here by heterosexuals who were doing what "every heterosexual couple" is supposed to do. When people try to confront me with society's preconceptions of what a person (especially man)is supposed to do, my arguments are simple. To the point. And people don't argue with me after I make my point, because their arguments always come from these false expectations of what a man/woman is supposed to do/be. And I simply point out what little logic/meaning there is in these arguments, and I usually don't hear them again. Because people can't come up with reasonable arguments against them.
That is the truth. So if there's something that Buddha1 thinks I should be doing (better?), I'd really like to hear what it is. Because I don't consider myself a dog, or an easy mark. I don't capitulate easy.
That's all I have to say for now. Beat me down if ye will.
Giovanni
let me qualify one thing that I've said. When speaking about sports, it seems to make the most impact between grades 7 - 10. This seems to be when it matters most, although the pressures start before that. Once I reached 12th grade (a senior) it didn't matter. But it does very much matter when a person is younger, and may very well shape what they're destined to become later in life.
Whatever...
