Light said:
A simple question if I may; where do you find these "many pressures?" In your culture, perhaps? Though I doubt it.
I see absolutely no evidence of "pressure" in Western cultures. In fact, I see plenty of the exact opposite. Before the military began accepting women in their ranks…...
Good to see you on the discussion table. In a civilised way and in the true scientific spirit.
This is the first time someone has asked me to explain the pressures --- so thank you for the opportunity. But it is a topic that can’t be dealt with lightly or with one liners or with instances in abstracts. Because the pressures of men, like their oppression are silent, and men are not supposed to acknowledge them. Men are supposed to suffer in silence and keep a brave, strong front. We have to look beyond all the social masks of men --- the masks of power --- to see how victimised they really are.
I am not surprised that you see no evidence of “pressures” on men. I have seen several instances of this denial. In fact it is interesting that during their early youth the majority identifies strongly – although cautiously with the issues I’m taking up…..a majority of men after they cross a certain age and are past through the turmoils and have finally managed to ‘prove’ their manhood, don’t want to acknowldege the pressures at all. Like they never had to go through them. Like they were naturally born the way they are now.
The fact is that after a certain age and what men consider their most crucial achievment in life --- they have no stake in a change of things now. In fact a change will only negate what they have fought for and achieved in all their life. It will expose them – their lifetime achievments as vain and hollow.
Then again, If you imprison and enslave human beings from a young age, they will find nothing wrong with it, and in fact start relating with their tormentors, especially if they are trained to be dependant upon them.
The pressures of men are not related just with sexuality. But the sexual pressures are the most intense --- and are the most crucial to achieve social manhood. Social manhood is a matter of life and death for men --- but I’ll leave that discussion for later.
These pressures include those to suppress ones emotions and emotional needs. Have you heard someone say “real men don’t cry!”. When you successfully --- albeit artificially --relate something with being a ‘man’, men will fall in line to conform --- whether or not it comes naturally to them. Have you seen how ad agencies try to push their products --- trying to imprint that ‘this is what real men should have’.
This is something non-straight men will never understand --- whether they are the true heterosexuals I’m talking about or the homosexuals or women. For them ‘male’ and ‘man’ are the same. Masculinity and manhood are vain issues --- not real. That is why this lot fails to understand the suffering of straight men or understand the enormity of the problem and how this seemingly small issue influences each and every aspect of a man’s life. You will notice that the whole thing about ‘proving one’s manhood’ leaves them cold.
Social manhood has been manipulated by the society for the same reason, to control and manipulate the behaviour --- especially the sexual behaviour of men for a long time. Because nothing else can work on them --- they being the most powerful human gender.
It is as easy as successfully classifying something as masculine --- if you want to force men to do it, or classifying it as feminine --- if you want to force men away from it. It is for this reason that the study of masculinity (and femininity) could be an important key to liberate men.
The biggest pressures of men to adopt and uphold a ‘heterosexual’ identity is of course that it is made the sole criteria for granting social manhood. A sexual desire in men can bar you from the mainstream male community --- called in the heterosexual world as ‘straight’. This is the biggest blow for a naturally straight man. For he cares for nothing as strongly as being part of the male group. That’s his natural identity. That’s where he belongs. He needs to bond with other masculine men. Without this he is nothing. Without this he cannot develop his natural masculinity. He will do it even if it means killing the sexual need for men --- which in the first place.
Being debarred from the straight world has several implications. It means that you will not have any chance to develop your natural masculinity. And if you are naturally straight you will not have much femininity to rely on --- unlike homosexual men. So you end up being a lesser man --- fuelling the gay stereotypes of being 'nice guys'.
If is funny that you say that there are no pressures on men in the west to be heterosexual. Nowhere else on this world will you find such extreme pressures. In fact in my society, if I compare it with yours --- there is hardly any pressure. All you need to do to prove that you are a man (in my society!) is to get married and produce a son. That is all. You are free to be the man that you are for the rest of your life. Men bond and grow with other men for the most part. A sexual attraction between men is considered quite an integral part of being a man --- at least in the men’s group --- although you don’t talk about it in formal settings or with women. Furthermore, you don’t need to emotionally bond with women. There are no social expectations to date women or love them --- actually that can get you into trouble. You just need to fuck your wife every now and then and do your own thing!
There are so many examples of the pressure to be heterosexual in the west. There are the more open pressures like social discrimination against non-heterosexually identified people….. this comes from religious, educational and political institutions. Then you have the army that denies entry to non-heterosexuals and treats them like shit. There is so much of open hostility against non-heterosexuals. I have been told that in some places in America people can throw stones at you if you are a so-called homosexual.
All you have to do is visit some of the discussion sites discussing the issue of so-called homosexuality. It’s interesting how people feel strongly about the issue, often getting hostile or abusive, when they claim that only 2 – 10% of the population is what they call ‘gay’ (sic). The kind of hostility displayed by westerners to the issue of so-called ‘homosexuality’ is mind boggling and can’t be explained scientifically. I mean how can they possibly feel threatened by such a small population.
I mean no where in the world will you find it unacceptable for two men to walk hand in hand in public. This happens only in a society which claims to be free. Really funny that you should say that there are no pressures on men.
It was on our own site (sciforums) where a heterosexual man claimed with pride that in their peer groups while growing up, being labelled a fag was a fate worse than death. And you say there is no pressure! The only people who don’t feel any pressures are true heterosexuals and true homosexuals. They rule the heterosexual world.
I remember an incident where my female colleague was presenting a set of posters on masculinity in a conference in Durban. An American coolly walks to her and says with utter disdain (and over confidence) that all this talk about male pressures is bull shit. American men don’t have any such pressures. My colleague just asked him one question. “Can you say no to a woman who makes sexual advances towards you, in America?” The man thought for a moment and said “no”! There was no more discussion necessary on the topic.
It is not only heterosexually identified men (especially those past their youth) who claim men in America have no social pressures. Interestingly many homosexual men also make that claim. They say life in America for ‘gay’ men is cool and free and deny there are any pressures. But then you have to understand that these men are ‘homosexuals/ queers/ feminine. They never had a stake in masculinity. The social pressures of masculinity does not affect them --- especially when they have the best choice in the world to discard the straight identity and adopt the ‘gay’ identity. But the transition for straight men into the ‘gay’ identity is always traumatic.
It is impossible for straight men to survive in the straight world without a heterosexual identity. I mean you can’t even walk straight or look people in the eye, if you think they know you’re interested in men.
In gay circles straight men have to live like fish out of water. Their masculinity is a useless commodity. It is considered inconsistent with a sexual need for men. If you are straight you are faking it. You are known as ‘straight-acting’.
Thus they have to make a choice between their gender needs or sexual needs. Most men opt for the former and sacrifice their sexual needs for men. They try their best to channelise this into a sexual need for women. They will rather die than accept their sexual interest in men. Is this not pressure?
I mean if there was no pressure, Tom cruise would not have to sue the man who ‘accused’ him of being gay. It was a big dishonour for Tom, which no straigh man can afford. In the face of such extreme hostility, the only option for men to save themselves is to strengthen their heterosexual identity and image. This involves a fair amout of ‘fag’ bashing --- whether it is in an intellectual forum like this or in peer groups. But this is not enough. One has to be seen as being in a relationship or actively looking for women. Otherwise your sexuality will always be suspect. Isn’t that pressure?
In my society all you need to do during the youth is to talk incessantly about women. And your social masculinity is safe. At the most fuck one or two -- if you want additional social powers?
The media plays its own role in enforcing heterosexuality. I mean it does not even give 10% of positive space to the 10% homosexulaity (sic) that the west claims. Indeed western men are supposed to be shattered by two men kissing on the screen. What are you guys --- made of sugar? You look at American movies and you’ll think that men indeed are heterosexual. And that only feminine men like other men. This when so many overly macho men have come out as ‘gay’ (though its sad!).
Another form of pressure comes in the form of rewards and encouragement --- of staggering enormity that comes with the heterosexual identity.
I could go on and on about social pressures on men to be heterosexual. But this is probably enough for starters.
