Buddha1 said:Thanks a lot,
It's not only you, every truly straight man instinctively senses this (more so in a non-heterosexual society) --- but there is no way he can talk about it.
Even after reading this, not many men can break the extreme stigma to speak in my support, so I have not been expecting it. But your post is such a refreshing news. At least there is hope!
I'm VERY GLAD to be at least one person who finds truth in what you write. ESPECIALLY when I almost never encounter talk like this.
However, I've never (at least not for about a decade) considered myself to be a straight man (although I know your definition is slightly different?).
I don't care for male society. What they've conspired to enforce on people like me.
I look on "ordinary" men as if they were a PACK OF HYAENAS. And I am most sincere in my feelings. They want to be exclusive. They want to belong. I don't kiss their asses, and I don't feel pressured (usually, although it does happen in a minor way here and there) to be what they've built up as manhood. And I don't see just men this way. Femininity is its own weakness. Both of them are blind. Both of them can fall into a tar pit. In fact, I'll light the match to set them ablaze for all I care. Men and women, but mostly men, have these idiotic trophies that they've created.
I look at society in much the same way. We have masculine ideals, and then we have societal ideals in general. PRODUCE. ASSERT YOURSELF. You have to be doing something. You have to be producing. According to our guidelines.
Record companies suing helpless little nobodies (who can't afford it) for downloading music off the net is the best example of this. Is it called capitalism? Is it PROGRESS? I call it regress. Because that's all it is. It's an entirely different subject, but they're very similar, in that they both are rigorously enforcing a false idea of what it is to be successful, and how it's their right to bully weaker people because somehow they've earned it, by following man made rules. Well, I guess both groups ARE ruled by men...
I hate this society, and this world. I will NOT bow down to them, nor will I play their games. I was sent to a counselor/psychaitrist lately because I have so much trouble "getting along" with this world. But no amount of pharmaceuticals and counseling will change my mind about any of this. And they will NEVER get that, because they're used to dealing with people who will take it in the ass, if I must be so crude... Talking to my counselor and the psychaitrist on various critical points have confirmed my suspicions about this. They're effective ONLY if you have a predisposition to conforming to accepted gender/society roles, otherwise they're at a loss If it means dying penniless and destitute, so be it. Their falsehoods and their pointless, HEARTLESS agendas WILL NOT find a place in my heart.
Nuff said???
you said -- "every truly straight man instinctively senses this (more so in a non-heterosexual society) --- but there is no way he can talk about it."
I understand the talking about it part.
In my previous post I mentioned a person, another male, who I really deeply cared about, who changed my life for better or worse, irrevocably. However, >> I << was the one that acknowledged what was occurring between us. The attraction. When it came down to it, this person thought it was the acceptable "manly" thing to look the other way, and pretend that nothing was occurring. And how far from the truth!!!
A few people that I've talked to at first suggested that maybe it was I who was "IMAGINING" the whole attraction. Because we just KNOW this doesn't happen, because WHY would he reject you if he actually had feelings for you (as if it were that simple). But when I go into detail, and explain and re-explain certain things, they generally don't say much. They really can't disagree with my position. I know very well that he liked me, especially since I could see his reaction to my relationship to a certain girl. I KNEW he didn't like it, and would get defensive about, in fact, in one instance, he lashed out physically!
We were both at a mutual friend's house one night. This girl in question, who I was friends with, was there, and she was touching me, not in a sexual way, but a way that might suggest we were a "couple". Other incidences may have suggested similar things. After he left that night, I felt very weird about him. He had acted nervous about her touching me, but after he left, I had a VERY strong feeling that he suddenly didn't like me anymore, like he had really felt something towards me, but suddenly this interest, almost like a physical object, had been torn out of me. It was a very bizarre feeling.
The next day at work, the first contact I had with him was having a box thrown at my head by him, and a few very angry but cryptic comments. I knew IN AN INSTANT that the feelings I had felt the night before weren't just coming from me, but were REAL. I had felt his feelings of complete betrayal towards me, because of this girl flirting with me.
I later (months later) tried to find out about why he had done that. He said he didn't remember. The way he said it sounded totally scripted. I repeated the question, and he suddenly "remembered" doing it, but didn't remember WHY he had done it. LIAR! Both of us knew very well WHY he did it.
Never have I ever met anyone that I was quite so attracted to, and that actually showed an interest in me. But because I got so close, and then was completely denied (duh, I don't know what you're talking about dude) I've become very bitter. I almost think if I ever saw this person again, this DOG, that I would spit on him, and he would instantly know why. But very might pretend to be completely clueless as to my anger. An act. This particular person was always putting on an act of some kind. Alot of men do this, or so I've come to theorize at least. He wasn't the only instance of this sort of thing I've seen, only the most glaring.
Which makes me wonder. When conservative Christians write about homosexuality (and it's almost always negative, because they already know what the Bible declares to be true, so they have support that view, however they see fit and with whatever "evidence" they can gather) they will usually somewhere along the line bring up the so-called 10% MYTH. No! Ten percent are not GAY! Kinsey was a sodomite, and possibly a pedophile as well, so how can we trust him. NO! Only 1 or 2% are gay.
What about the guy I just described (and the countless others like him). These surveys that show such low percentages for gay people are usually the ones that ask right out if someone is gay or straight. Do you think this person I described would, especially at that time, have declared himself to be gay. He was one of those people who is straight in ACT only. But apparently ACT goes really far in this society.
Like you yourself said, the mouth may blabber one thing, but the inner mind is something completely different.
I'm not saying this to confirm everything you've said in every case, just that it DOES make sense in alot of the situations I've encountered over the years.
I've heard people ask the question: why are conservatives so deathly afraid of homosexuality? If heterosexuality and all that it encompasses is so vastly superior, and its "normalness" so unmistakable, then why do they act as if the heterosexual is such an endangered species? They must be less resilient they appear to be.
That's all for now.
GB