Coming Out of the Closet

CutsieMarie89 said:
I told my mother the other day that I didn't feel that comfortable with any of my friends back at school, to tell them that I'm atheist. My mother (while not atheist, believes religion to be utter nonsense) said that she wondered if it was how gay people feel when they meet new people. Even if your comfortable with yourself you're still hesitant to what others reaction might be. So is being an atheist anything like being gay in that respect? I know it took me years to tell just some members of my family that I am an atheist. Even my fiance didn't know until relatively recently. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience, or any opinion on the matter.
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You question is very situational.

Obviously if I lived in a VERY religious family coming out as an atheist would be significantly more difficult than if I lived in a family that is religious, but does not practice it to an extreme.

Judging by our current society today, I would say that coming out as homosexual is definitely more difficult, especially because its not easy to hide.

You can pretend you believe in god and your religion, in fact a lot of people do and don't care. But good luck pretending you are straight if you aren't, putting up with all that sexual frustration does not seem like an easy task.

I mean, if I put the situation in reverse and think about living in a society where being straight is shunned upon, I could picture myself going nuts over trying to hide my attraction to women.
 
I know coming out as homosexual is very different, but I wondered if the anxiety was similar. When people think your straight and then they find out you're not how will they react? When people assume you are a practicing Christian and find out you don't even believe in God let alone practice, how will they react? My best friend has come out to me about being gay, but not about his religious beliefs. I don't know what he believes, I could ask but that feels like it would be an awkward conversation.
 
I have a friend who is atheist and homosexual. She hides both from her family but tells her friends. She moved far away from home so she could live her life as she wanted to.
 
CutsieMarie89 said:
I know coming out as homosexual is very different, but I wondered if the anxiety was similar.
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If coming out as homosexual is more difficult than coming out as atheist, then the anxiety is probably different as well.

When people think your straight and then they find out you're not how will they react?
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Again, situational. As a straight guy, if my friend suddenly came out, I don't think I would react negatively, in the end I really won't care and will look at him the same. However, I know MANY people, girls and guys who would break off relationships if their friends suddenly came out.

When people assume you are a practicing Christian and find out you don't even believe in God let alone practice, how will they react?
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My parents are religious, when I told them I became an atheist they really did not like it, we argued a little but it wasn't anything major. In the end they were "okay" with it. As much as I hate making generalizations, I think even most religious parents would be okay if their children lacked faith.

I did ask my parents as a joke once, how they would react if I told them I was gay, and my mom said she would kick me out of the house, as strong as those words may sound, would she really do it? For some reason I don't think so.

My best friend has come out to me about being gay, but not about his religious beliefs. I don't know what he believes, I could ask but that feels like it would be an awkward conversation.
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If you yourself are an atheist, which I think you said you were on another thread, he shouldn't really have a problem admitting it right? I mean this is your best friend, he shouldn't have a problem trusting you.
 
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CutsieMarie89 said:
I told my mother the other day that I didn't feel that comfortable with any of my friends back at school, to tell them that I'm atheist. My mother (while not atheist, believes religion to be utter nonsense) said that she wondered if it was how gay people feel when they meet new people. Even if your comfortable with yourself you're still hesitant to what others reaction might be. So is being an atheist anything like being gay in that respect? I know it took me years to tell just some members of my family that I am an atheist. Even my fiance didn't know until relatively recently. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience, or any opinion on the matter.
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While it was pretty tough coming out as gay (seeing as how my father's half of the family is REALLLLLLLLLLY conservative), it was even TOUGHER coming out as NOT Christian. I didn't use the word "atheist" because it sounded (and still does a bit) too militaristic (i.e. "All religion is bad, and religious people are evillllll!"), but suffice it to say, I have no religion and little personal tolerance for it (as in my employees claiming to need Sunday's off for church, which I totally scoff at: yet another exception that must be made for people who have religious beliefs). I went from "maybe going to hell" to "totally demon possessed" in the eyes of many members of my family. I actually have an uncle who won't let me in his house anymore.

~String
 
superstring01 said:
While it was pretty tough coming out as gay (seeing as how my father's half of the family is REALLLLLLLLLLY conservative), it was even TOUGHER coming out as NOT Christian. I didn't use the word "atheist" because it sounded (and still does a bit) too militaristic (i.e. "All religion is bad, and religious people are evillllll!"), but suffice it to say, I have no religion and little personal tolerance for it (as in my employees claiming to need Sunday's off for church, which I totally scoff at: yet another exception that must be made for people who have religious beliefs). I went from "maybe going to hell" to "totally demon possessed" in the eyes of many members of my family. I actually have an uncle who won't let me in his house anymore.

~String
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Sorry to hear string. But like, putting family and church aside, isn't it more difficult coming out as gay simply due to the fact that you might have lost many male friends in the process as well?

I mean, where I am from people wont avoid befriending you for being atheist, but I know plenty who would if you are gay.
 
I think it weighs heavier on my mind because I went to Christian schools for 7 years and at one point in time would have been one of those who would be concerned for someone who was an atheist, never dreaming that I would become one myself only a few years later. Since I hang with a pretty religious group, the main thing I'm afraid of is as good Christians will they remain my friend but constantly try to convert me? That would definitely strain our relationship.
 
CutsieMarie89 said:
I told my mother the other day that I didn't feel that comfortable with any of my friends back at school, to tell them that I'm atheist. My mother (while not atheist, believes religion to be utter nonsense) said that she wondered if it was how gay people feel when they meet new people. Even if your comfortable with yourself you're still hesitant to what others reaction might be. So is being an atheist anything like being gay in that respect? I know it took me years to tell just some members of my family that I am an atheist. Even my fiance didn't know until relatively recently. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience, or any opinion on the matter.
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personally i have little interest in what people believe or their version of what happens after you die. if someone died for a few weeks and then came back i would listen to them intently though.
 
ogdred said:
mikenostic,

Are you trying to say that in the middle the Tennessee one position is more anxiety-provoking than the other? If so, I will direct you to the beginning of my sentence which you highlighted; "Where I live".
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No, I'm trying to say that Tennessee is right in the middle of the Bible belt filled with homophobic Christians all over the place.
I wasn't trying to one-up you and don't see how you interpreted it as such.

Is your intent rather to imply that since I do not live in the middle of Tennessee I don't know the meaning of atheist/homosexuality induced anxiety? Or...? Quite frankly you've lost me.

But you do sound oh-so-tough. Congratulations.
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See above.
 
CutsieMarie89 said:
I told my mother the other day that I didn't feel that comfortable with any of my friends back at school, to tell them that I'm atheist. .
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tell them you are non religious when they ask...and leave it at that
if they are true friends they wont care what you are! ;)
 
Haven't talked with any one from HS for 30 years.
My friends all know I'm weird and enjoy it.
 
Orleander said:
yep. Hell look how much crap went around about Obama being Muslim. You have to be a certain kind of theist as well.
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You do realize Obama isn't a muslim?

They are xtian and have been going to the same xtian church for decades. He even picked up flack during the elections because his minister was a whacko.

How could you have even been semi conscious for the last two years and think Obama was a muslim?

Of course right wing nuts have been freaking out because his name seems "muslim" to them. Is that where you are coming from?
 
superstring01 said:
....I went from "maybe going to hell" to "totally demon possessed" in the eyes of many members of my family. I actually have an uncle who won't let me in his house anymore.

~String
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have you ever had anyone think atheist = devil worshiper?
It makes me laugh when it happens to me. If I don't believe in god, I'm not gonna believe in his comic book arch-enemy
 
I'm honestly blown away when I find out someone young is religious. Canada is not a very strong center of religion and I grew up in a very well educated area of the country. Religion was sparse. I was exposed to the mess of (mostly zionist) Judaism through the local hockey team I played on (such a Canadian!) and my friends who had family involved in it all. That said, none of my friends growing up were religious Jews, and certainly none were zionists. In our close group (6 boys), one came from a Christian family. Suburban Christian, though. As in, they go to church on Christmas and to do community activities and maybe there's a bible somewhere in the house that a grandmother gave them. The one time I can recall him, myself and a couple others from outside the main group of friends talking about religion I was blown away to find out he had genuine leanings towards Christ. I'm not sure if he was talking that way because of peer pressure of the Christians around him, or if it was genuine, and I haven't talked about it with him since, so I'm not really sure. That's about as close as any of my good friends got to religion.

But at university especially I was really surprised by the number of people who turned out to be religious. Specifically in the philosophy department. (The math department doesn't have nearly as many!) Many of these people were extremely smart, yet over the years they slowly moved off into different ideologies. Some became hard-core Christians, others Kantians, others got into Leibniz and Spinoza... No matter how many times you could point out flaws in their ideology, they still were absolutely certain it was true. I had thought that philosophy students would be less susceptible to this sort of arrogance and insanity, but it didn't turn out to be the case.

Living in China I've had the exact opposite experience. If religion is brought up - especially Western religions - the ordinary response is laughter, mocking and name-calling. Even educated, polite individuals will respond to a Christian with "hahaha, are you really so stupid??" I've now had the unique experience of trying to defend theism.
 
this whole thread is mind boggling... i never saw it that way..so like are all atheists living underground or something?

kinda reminds me of how Jews were in Germany in Hitler's era..


lol..it also somehow explains a lot of things here in sciforums..
 
As a young kid, yes, it was pretty much like that.

Conversations would go like this:

Asshole: 'Are you a Catholic?'

Me: 'No'

Asshole: 'You're a Protestant then?'

Me: 'No'

Asshole: 'Ok, you're a Methodist.'

Me: 'What are Methodists?'

Asshole: 'People who believe in God'

Me: 'I don't believe in God'

Asshole: 'What?' *spits in my face*

Any wonder I studied at home for most of my life.

Fuck those kids, I hope they all died of leukemia.

Just thinking about it makes me dangerously angry...
 
I've always found religion to be a non-issue among the laity. Unless of course one was some kind of freak.
 
i don't think you should be embarrassed by what you believe in. i'm not sure if it's worth believing in something if you have to lie about it. then what difference does your belief make? it's not manifest. are you trying to conform? do you want people to like you for a lie? whatever you believe, be honest. otherwise you're just reducing the meaning of your life down to fiction. and if you don't know what to believe, then be honest about that too. humility is a great thing. and so is respect. give people a chance to respect you for who you really are. and if they choose not to...fuck em.
 
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