I told my mother the other day that I didn't feel that comfortable with any of my friends back at school, to tell them that I'm atheist. My mother (while not atheist, believes religion to be utter nonsense) said that she wondered if it was how gay people feel when they meet new people. Even if your comfortable with yourself you're still hesitant to what others reaction might be. So is being an atheist anything like being gay in that respect? I know it took me years to tell just some members of my family that I am an atheist. Even my fiance didn't know until relatively recently. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience, or any opinion on the matter.
Coming Out of the Closet
- Thread starter CutsieMarie89
- Start date
Most people are unsure about God's existence in various degrees (whether they admit it or not.) Many people are sure homosexuality is a disease. So I'd say it's not very close at all.
Enmos
Valued Senior Member
I have no problem whatsoever with telling people that I don't believe in any god.
But I don't go around telling people that though.. lol
Unless you want to deliberatly promote atheism and make yourself a center of attention and potential controversy, it would be better to remain silent. When asked directly whether you believe in gods the most honest answer is to say "I am not convinced that such things are possible". So why be so indirect? Too many people simply have pre-conceived ideas for what it means to be an atheist, e.g. evil, communist, bad, etc. If you come out and assert your atheism then you will need to speed endless energy explaining yourself and still never satisfactorily convincing biggots of your pov.
Before coming out a Gay person tends to live a secret life and that is frought with difficulties. Coming out clears the air so they can more comfortably live their alternative lifestyle openly. This is not so necessary with atheism. You don't have an alternative lifestyle to the same degree as gays, and more accurately you simply do not subscribe to the theist outlook.
The easiest path is to simply live your life without theism and if pressured to join specific theist activities simply decline. You don't need to explain yourself much more - simply state your discomfort with theistic ideas and leave it there, and only if asked.
Now it is an entirely differrent tactic if you want to deliberatly convince theists that they are in error. You will likely be outnumbered and and you will need to know all the arguments that will be thrown at you as well as the answers. That's a lot of study and prep.
Choose to be passive or aggressive - your choice. It's not quite the same as the gay issues.
Before coming out a Gay person tends to live a secret life and that is frought with difficulties. Coming out clears the air so they can more comfortably live their alternative lifestyle openly. This is not so necessary with atheism. You don't have an alternative lifestyle to the same degree as gays, and more accurately you simply do not subscribe to the theist outlook.
The easiest path is to simply live your life without theism and if pressured to join specific theist activities simply decline. You don't need to explain yourself much more - simply state your discomfort with theistic ideas and leave it there, and only if asked.
Now it is an entirely differrent tactic if you want to deliberatly convince theists that they are in error. You will likely be outnumbered and and you will need to know all the arguments that will be thrown at you as well as the answers. That's a lot of study and prep.
Choose to be passive or aggressive - your choice. It's not quite the same as the gay issues.
UK.
Not just close friends: I was asked to be my nephew's godfather and I told the vicar that I was an atheist.
His reply (without batting an eyelid) was that it was acceptable, so long as I accepted the "duties" of a godfather...
Fuck that walking on eggshells. If someone asks me, I usually say, 'I don't believe in any deity whose existence is yet to be proven and who holds the fear of eternal damnation in hell as a motivator. No thanks'.
Easiest way to shut up a theist is make them argue on a 'common sense/logic/reason' playing field. Make them back their statements up with proof other than 'the bible tells me so', or 'it's God's will/God's plan'. Any argument they make after that is just speculation on their part.
Where I live I'd say the two situations do create a similar sense of anxiety. Among many circles atheism and homosexuality seem to be considered equally offensive. The primary difference is that atheism is considerably easier to hide without compromising ones lifestyle or comfort. Additionally I think there is more fear of violence and verbal/sexual harassment involved in being openly gay than openly atheist. The fact that both positions provoke passionate disapproval from the religious right makes them extremely uncomfortable.
Guess it's just me then. Being black in America religion is a big part of many if not most black people's lives. So many of my friends are black and they fit into this category, if asked directly I'll tell the truth, but it causes people like my family members such heartache. I kept it to myself for a long time. I was essentially living a double life because I can hang with the best of them in conversations about God and religion. I went to church with anyone who asked me to go for whatever reason. I am honestly afraid of people's reactions and like admitting to being homosexual people may not say anything, but the atmosphere changes like they see me in a different light (and that's not really a good thing in most cases).
Try living in the middle of Tennessee if you think that (in bold).
As for me getting verbally harrassed for my beliefs, not yet. Let someone criticize my beliefs. I'll let them, but I'll also keep in mind, 'if you can't take it, don't dish it out'. Their beliefs will take a few pot shots from me as well.
mikenostic,
Are you trying to say that in the middle the Tennessee one position is more anxiety-provoking than the other? If so, I will direct you to the beginning of my sentence which you highlighted; "Where I live".
Is your intent rather to imply that since I do not live in the middle of Tennessee I don't know the meaning of atheist/homosexuality induced anxiety? Or...? Quite frankly you've lost me.
But you do sound oh-so-tough. Congratulations.
Are you trying to say that in the middle the Tennessee one position is more anxiety-provoking than the other? If so, I will direct you to the beginning of my sentence which you highlighted; "Where I live".
Is your intent rather to imply that since I do not live in the middle of Tennessee I don't know the meaning of atheist/homosexuality induced anxiety? Or...? Quite frankly you've lost me.
But you do sound oh-so-tough. Congratulations.
It seems friends are the first people to talk too, next to Mom of course, about such deep personal items. Trust is often born from such associations between friends.
And being your Mom's kid, religion is oosually the last thing most would debate with parents, as to tell them (her) about such an awe inspiring concept, which may conflict their opinion; they may feel as if they 'failed'....! (tough concept to talk to parents about, I know this personally)
It looks to me like you walk on the wild side!
It can also be surmised that you are chatting with us perhaps, because “we don't matter”, but can at least give you ideas, right? I feel used........
Mom has a valid point in the observance of the 'feeling' of being accepted or approved of.
i like just being honest as the first order and allow the friends 'to be or not to be'.........!
Sure, as the idea of being accepted is hugenormous (new word) to the minds of people.
Most cannot exist without associations or even ‘fitting in’ to a community.
1) Lot’s of people have a tough time with accepting ‘the renditions of God’ as purported in belief systems (religions). Heck some even say, "well my god is better than yours"
2) Not many have a Mom that was kind enough to observe the feelings as yours did between the gay and religious beliefs of the ‘peer review’ platform. (culture)
Cool Mom, to me, and you doing fine sharing your feelings to even us…. don’t matter’s…..(giggle giggle).
Wisdom for city life: “only share information that you would want your worst enemy to use against you”
It goes with what I said to my daughter when she asked me, “what is the scariest thing in the world to you?” and I said, ‘what your best friend can do to you’
I told her that, ‘people close to you can hurt you far more than any physical pain, that to me is a scary realization' i said, 'think about it’
then on a larger scale…..look at what religions have done to mankind; God didn't do any of it!
In NZ it's not so much of a problem, most people couldn't care less about the two issues--we're one of the most secular societies in the world, and we were the first (I believe) to bring in civil union legislation...so we're pretty relaxed about this business, which seems to get everyone else (well, quite a few in America anyway) sizzling like a sausage on a hotplate.
yep. Hell look how much crap went around about Obama being Muslim. You have to be a certain kind of theist as well.