Medicine*Woman said:
M*W: I pursued christianity, I admit it, and I'll tell you about the experience I had that led me in the direction of christianity. I had just moved into a new house, and I was out in my driveway watching my son play on his hot wheels. I heard someone speak to me. I thought a neighbor must have been outside or something. I turned around -- all the way around, but no one was there! When I realized what I had heard, it stunned me, and I was terribly confused. The voice I heard said, "I died for you." Of course, I knew about christianity. After all, I had gone to a Baptist University and taken many theology classes. The religion just hadn't been a part of my life. I told my then husband about the voice I heard, and he said that was Jesus talking to me! Yeah, right! He never pushed me into christianity, because he himself had fallen away a long time before we knew each other. Religion was absolutely NEVER discussed in my home growing up, so there was no pressure there. I was the only one in my family with an interest in religion.
The confusion went on for a few weeks until I got settled in my home. Met the neighbors who were catholic charismatics, and I told my neighbor about my experience. She invited us to their charismatic worship service every week. I ended up telling the group about my experience. They all started saying, "Amen." "Amen." "Hallalujah." "Praise the Lord.", etc. Then they wanted to lay hands on me, which being the friendly and affectionate person I am, I welcomed it. Shortly thereafter, I began taking instructions in catholicism, and after a year of intensive study, I was baptised as a catholic.
I got into my religion, but I didn't feel that I wanted to participate in the charismatic group anymore. I had negative feelings about the group but not any individual. Alone, each was a great person and friend, but together, it started to feel like a witch coven or occult mass of sorts. I didn't have comfortable feelings around the "group." Kind of got queasy, if you know what I mean? I felt so strange around them, that eventually I just had to politely say I was busy and stay away from them. They spoke in tongues, but I was never able to naturally speaking. They told me I needed to be "baptised in the spirit" to talk in tongues. They had indicated many times that I wasn't "spirit-filled," although I felt true devotion to Jesus and his mother, and the saints, etc. So, a baptism in the spirit was arranged by the "group," and a catholic priest came to the home for the ritual. Each of us in turn met with the priest in another room while the "group" prayed in tongues and sang in the living room.
When it was my turn to speak to the priest in private, he asked me to confess my sins. Of course, I wasn't a terribly sinful person at all, but admitted to things like impatience and the occasional curse word. I think I remember him laying hands on my head or something as we prayed. Kindly, he absolved me from my "sins." I thought he was going to dismiss me, then he said, "is there anything else you need to tell me?" I said, "no," but he pursued asking me!!! I was getting to be very uneasy with his interrogation, because I couldn't think of anything else I had done that was a "sin!" I was pretty naive and innocent in those days -- extremely so. I was afraid of my own shadow then! (I know that's hard to believe, but it's true!). He told me to "think about it," and I sat there thinking what on earth it was I needed to confess! "Think," he kept saying. Then he asked me if I was using birth control! I couldn't lie to him, but I wondered how he knew to ask me that! Then, he said, "Oh, that's okay, the church doesn't view it as a sin anymore!" That was news to me! But, I don't know what the purpose was in that. To this day, it still confuses me!
So, life went on, and I was a devout catholic. I took my faith extremely seriously! Never missed church. Never missed holy days. Taught catechism 'religiously!' Was an officer of the local parish council. Traveled and lived in Europe, visited as many holy sites as I could, Fatima, Lourdes, Never, Bourges, The Vatican, Avignon, Chartres, Notre Dame de Paris, Reims, etc. So many more in other countries that I don't even remember. I had a wonderful experience in all of them -- except St. Peter's.
Went there on a religious pilgrimage with my church. Stayed in Vatican City. Toured every inch of Rome. Got to St. Peter's with the tour guide, but somehow I got separated from the group, and started venturing out on my own, amazed with every artifact I saw! The art was incomparable to anything I've ever seen except perhaps to the Louvre. I studied every piece, and watched as other faithful approached the statue or painting, and watched their reactions. I got that queasy feeling again, just like in the charismatic prayer group. It looked to me as if the faithful in St. Peter's were like political prisoners in asylums expressionlessly walking in circles! The observation was eerie. When the monks or cardinals or whatever they were in those black robes and Guido priest hats passed, they never smiled. They looked like zombies, too. Prostitutes hanging out in front of St. Peter's propositioning priests right there in broad daylight stunned me. I stood by one of the many confessionals, because I wanted to make a confession while I was in St. Peter's. I felt like I was hitch-hiking. Every priest that walked by, I asked for a confession. Either they didn't acknowledge me, or they didn't have time to do it, or they were very rude. Not the holy place I had imagined it would be. It was not the place I'd given my soul to. All the angels and saints had a hefty presence in St. Peter's, but I expected to see more of Jesus. He appeared to be an afterthought.
Rome was rife with paganism -- something foreign to me at the time. Who were all these gods? So many of them had similar stories to Jesus! How could that be? How could anyone but Jesus be born of a virgin? How many more crucified saviors were there? It was all too confusing. I only believed in one savior -- Jesus Christ, but he was nowhere to be found in christianity.
From what I can tell so far, to you, religion was about the rituals. It does not surprise me at all that you didn't find Jesus there.
M*W: No, I wouldn't blame the knife. If I cut myself with it, I was probably clumsy.
But why then do you go against Christianity with such anger -- when do you admit that it was you yourself who was "clumsy"??
Already then, you have *treated* Christianity as an addiction -- so this is all it was for you. You are blaming the drug for you being the druggie.
M*W: When I was a christian, I didn't see myself as an addict to christianity -- just the opposite -- I couldn't get enough of it!!!
I said "you have *treated* Christianity as an addiction". Typically, addicts don't consider their doing as an "addiction" -- for the time they are addicted to the drug.
It wasn't until I was able to free myself from it to realize it had been an addiction! I'm not blaming the religion for addicting me -- I'm blaming myself for letting it happen.
Blaming yourself for letting it happen ... I think you are wishing you had more control -- more control than I think it is possible to have.
Things happen to us, things that we cannot predict, cannot foresee. Sure, it all happened so slowly, it all looked as if we had full control and full knowledge all along -- but were just "stupid" or "clumsy".
I think you are being too hard on yourself.
M*W: No, I approached christianity with an eagerness to learn, a willingness to be part of a community and fellowship. Again, my approach was very healthy from the git go.
You were after the form, the rituals, the what can be seen on the outside. You were in for the *religion*, not for the *faith*. Religion can't give you faith. Religion can help you to come to faith, but religion is not faith.
Maybe I let it become an addiction. Aside from my interaction with christianity, there were just too many "ifs" that occurred like where was the love? There was no christian love emanating from within St. Peter's.
Buildings don't love. If you thought they would, then you were merely being superstitious.
There was darkness and fear! That's not what Jesus was about! At least not the Jesus I knew!
There you go: Inspite everything, inspite your being immersed in the forms and rituals, you did see that they are not all there is to religion and faith.
Yet you didn't persevere in that "That's not what Jesus was about! At least not the Jesus I knew!" -- you didn't dare to pursue *your own* faith within Catholicism. I don't think it was Catholicism that stopped you from that -- it was your belief then that the forms and the rituals are essential to faith. I am quite sure one can have one's own faith, but within an established church.
I got that same queasy feeling just like I did with the charismatic "group." They actually told me I was "praying wrong!" That "God didn't hear me!" I found this corny, because the God I knew heard everything I've ever said! Furthermore, I believed he answered my prayers many times.
But why didn't you stick to what you believed? Why did you give in to the pressure from the outside -- and eventually gave up what you have worked for for so long? Who were those other people to you that they could determine whether you have prayed right or wrong?
M*W: Well, I happen to be a very trusting sort. Too trusting, in fact. I've been betrayed many times in my life, because I never saw it coming. Well, I didn't WANT to see it coming, so I just repressed everything that could potentially become a "betrayal." Still do that today, even! I didn't take my experience personally.
Why not?!
I think this was crucial for you, and it has nothing to do with Christianity.
You have rejected Christianity for reasons that have nothing to do with Christianity.
You have rejcted Christianity because you were too trusting, didn't take yourself seriously enough, because you didn't take your experience personally.
But you refuse to give others that credit?
M*W: I don't understand what credit I haven't given to others.
The credit that they are capable of what you did.
You said you have saved yourself from being entrapped, that you have "untrapped yourself" -- why do you think others couldn't do it themselves as well?
M*W: A long time has passed since I untrapped myself, and I've learned a lot about christianity -- more now than what I learned from within! Yes, I do presume others are entrapped by the same faith I was caught up in, and just like me at the time, they don't know it, won't believe it, and are in total and complete denial.
And you think they couldn't untrap themselves by themselves? You think they need your help?
To you and the other christians on sciforums,
I am not a Christian. I have said this many, many times so far, but it seems that nobody wants to listen.
water: I hope you are listening to yourself. Next time you get robbed, remember, it was you who allowed the robber to rob you.
M*W: One must protect themselves at all times, or at least be cautious in all potential circumstances of danger. I've had a Neo-Nazi aim a rifle at me in Germany, not once but twice. Once during a Neo-Nazi uprising in Wiesbaden, and another time at the Iron Curtain check point near Fulda. I've been robbed twice in my home. My children and I once by gunpoint, and once a break-in while we were away. I have no fear for my own life, because I know how strong my spirit is. It has led me far and wide in my life. I've done things other people can only dream about! Seriously! I put myself through school and through the USAF, and I deal with life and death everyday in my world. Believing in christianity gave me something to trust in other than myself. That's what Jesus talks about in the Gnostic Gospels -- "becoming fully human." Give yourself your own power within, let it manifest, and you can do all things. This is letting the positive energy flow through you, with you, and in you. The idea of the "trinity" Jesus spoke about was the body, mind and spirit. Three gods in one. This is when salvation comes. Read Jesus's words by the real people he spoke them to -- the people who knew him and walked with him on earth, which is something that Paul didn't do. Didn't even know Jesus. Never met him.
You aren't listening to me. No matter what you do, you eventually cannot prevent from being outpowered and harmed. Some attacks you may back off, sure. But not all.
But to say that something can be taken away from you only if you allow it -- this supposes that you are omnipotent.
If a group of people comes to rob you, rape you and kill you -- will you say that it all happened because you have allowed it?
water: So how can you say Christianity is evil -- when it was all *your* doing, entering and exiting?
M*W: I trusted it. I looked forward, futilly I might add, to salvation, but I came to realize that the only salvation I or anyone else will ever have is the guiding force within compelling us to become "fully human."
That's odd. You expected to experience salvation right there, in this life?
You expected to know, in this life, how the judgedment will be for you?
water: Whatever we do, we are ultimately limited to our own individual experience in everything.
M*W: Yes, that's all we've got. We CANNOT or SHOULD NOT rely on someone else's description of a savior or salvation. We can only know what is ours from within. Your soul and your salvation will not come from your belief in christianity or a dying Jesus. These were Paul's ideas. Believe in yourself. You are the only one who knows you well.
You are contradicting yourself.
If
"We CANNOT or SHOULD NOT rely on someone else's description of a savior or salvation."
then you can't say anything more after that -- but you are in fact presenting your own solution, when you say
"We can only know what is ours from within. Your soul and your salvation will not come from your belief in christianity or a dying Jesus. These were Paul's ideas. Believe in yourself. You are the only one who knows you well."
Since we are ultimately limited to our own individual experience in everything, this also means that we cannot know eachother's experiences. Someone's experience may be that he is not the only one who knows him well -- but you may not have that experience.
This
"We CANNOT or SHOULD NOT rely on someone else's description of a savior or salvation. We can only know what is ours from within. Your soul and your salvation will not come from your belief in christianity or a dying Jesus. These were Paul's ideas. Believe in yourself. You are the only one who knows you well."
is *your* experience, *your* solution. Something that works for *you*.
But according to "We CANNOT or SHOULD NOT rely on someone else's description of a savior or salvation." -- *you* can't say that this *your* solution will work for others as well, or is obligatory for them.
M*W: As I stated, I didn't "approach" christianity for an addiction, I never thought of it as such.
Back then, you surely didn't. Those who start with something don't know, and can't know, in advance, whether what tehy are doing will develop into an addiction or not.
But, it wasn't the rules and the rituals that I was addicted to, it was the whole idea that christianity offered salvation! It was the idea of salvation I was addicted to.
Yes.
And you didn't want to accept that one has to carry water and gather wood before being enlightened, and that one has to carry water and gather wood after being enlightened.
water: This is fallacious, non causa pro causa. Show that it indeed follows that Christianity is dying because it is "evil".
M*W: There are some updated statistics online, but I don't remember the website. There is one called adherents.com, but it is not up to date. Newspapers, journals, broadcasts, you name it, all over the world has been stating that christianity is dying worldwide.
No, you haven't presented any compelling evidence and explanation.
You are giving me a "We believe what we want to believe because we are too afraid to believe otherwise, because we are so brainwashed" answer.
For whatever reasons christianity is dying really doesn't matter.
YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE.
If it was really the true church of Jesus Christ, one would think Jesus could work some kind of miracle to keep it afloat, but that's definitely NOT happening.
Non sequitur. It implies that humans have no choice over their faith.
water: Also, show how "christianity is the greatest evil in this world" and how "It has the power to take your mind away, and you become a blood-sucking zombie."
M*W: I believe I've already covered this above. It's not only my OPINION, but it is the OPINION of others who believe christianity is evil -- Pauline Christianity -- the one the christian churches teach! There's a consensus of opinion on this forum about Paul being the Antichrist. He diverted attention from the memory of the true christ. Then this is EVIL!
Appeal to popularity is fallacious and you know it.
water: Otherwise, those statements are just your BELIEF, NOT PROOF.
M*W: Nor can you prove Jesus even existed!!! Nor God either!!! But, hey! If you have some kind of proof, I'm sure we all want to know about it!
I am just pointing out that you wish to treat some belief as if it were a proof.
Inevitably, I offer more proof than even christianity can! I'm here, I'm alive, I've experienced it from the inside, and I've been researching this phenomenon for about 20 years.
You are nothing special in this. We are all alive, some of us have experienced Christianity from the inside, some haven't. But all of us are limited to our *own* experiences of Christianity, each of us to his or her own experience.
When I make the statement that "christianity is evil," I don't mean "it's made a few mistkes," or that perhaps the early church fathers could have "exaggerated on a few dogma." When I say "evil," I clearly mean EVIL. My statement stands as do my opinions, because you will find that I'm NOT alone in these beliefs (or lack thereof). There are many good threads archived that would back up what I have stated here.
Appeal to popularity ...
In one of the Gnostic Gospels, Jesus was quoted first-hand saying, "He who has ears, let him hear." This does not only mean to listen to what comes in from the 'outside', it means that which we hear from the 'inside.' The truth can ONLY be found from within.
You are contradicting yourself.
P1: "He who has ears, let him hear."
P2: This (P1) does
not only mean to listen to what comes in from the 'outside', it means that which we hear from the 'inside.'
P3: The truth can ONLY be found from within.
P3 contradicts P2.